I don't need you

Sneaking into Joe's room at two in the morning isn't something I would normally do but I can't bare to be alone right now. I carefully closed the door behind me and as I turn around to make my way to his bed I'm surprised to see he's awake.

"You ok?" he whispered whilst sitting up.

"I don't want to be alone, can I stay in here with you?" I ask nervously holding onto the bottom of my pajama t-shirt. He nods lifting the duvet for me to get under, once I get into the bed he puts his arm around me for comfort.

"You know everything is going to be ok right?" he said as I look down at my hands in my lap

"It will be once I finally leave."

"You don't have to go."

"I know.... but I want to." I say looking at Joe, he moves his arm from around me and crosses them against his chest "The sooner I leave this town the better." I finish taking my eyes off him.

"The sooner you leave town, the sooner you leave me." he muttered

"At least you wont have to look after me anymore." I smile

"I like looking after you." he smiled back, we look straight at each other. It's starting to feel like the moment when we almost kissed, speaking of which I need to talk to him about that.

Taking the small smile off my face I clear my throat "Joe... can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"It's about earlier-" I continue, ignoring his attempt to make me laugh. "-When we, well when we were dancing and almost-" I'm cut off by Joe as he plants his lips on mine. At first I'm shocked but I quickly ignore my natural urge to push him away and just go alone with it by placing my hand on his neck and pull him closer to me. He responds by deepening the kiss and placing one hand on the back of my head and another on my back. Ok this is interesting, I'm not gonna lie this kiss is so much better then the first when I was 'just a bet'. I guess it's because he actually means this one.

Feeling Joe pull away I open my eyes and look at him "I'm sorry." he whispers slowly taking his hand from my neck

"Why? That was amazing." I laughed

"You're not mad?"

"The fact that I kissed you back should have been a clue that I was ok with it."

Joe smiled and pushed my hair back leaning forward to kiss me again.

***

Laying in Joe's bed I blink as I continue staring at the glowing numbers of his alarm clock. 5:49am. I slowly lift Joe's arm from around me trying not to wake him, I pick up my discarded pajamas from the floor. Putting them back on my mind flashes back to on a few hours ago when they were being pulled off along with Joe's in the heat of the moment. I don't know how it happen but it did, and I can't be here anymore. I know it meant something to him- I can't bear it, knowing that he's probably going to want a relationship now, but I can't do that to him or to myself. The main reason being that I'm leaving in a matter of weeks to make my way up to New York and get settled into the college atmosphere before the semester starts. And because.... well just because.

Getting back onto my room I switch on the lamp and start packing my suitcase and bag. I know I'm being a coward by running away but I just can't face him. After it was over and he fell asleep I finally realised what had happened and how stupid it was, it's not that I regret it because if I'm honest I don't. If I wasn't leaving for college then I would be ecstatic right now...I think...... I just can't deal with it.

Once i'm packed and dressed I grab a piece of paper and pen from the desk

Joe

I'm sorry, I know I have a lot of explaining to do so here it goes. Firstly, no I'm not coming back and no I'm not going to tell you where I'm going. You have every right to hate me right now, I deserve it especially seeing as we slept together and now I've gone and run off. I need you to know that I really do care about you and I don't want to leave without saying goodbye but I have to. If I stay then i'll probably end up falling for you and I can't let that happen, because if it does then I wont be able to leave and like I said I have to. I want to tell you how much you really do mean to me but you might wake up any minute and find me writing this.

We've been through a lot together, with the whole bet and everything but you somehow managed to claw your way back into my life and I'm so glad you did because you became one of the most important things to me. So thank you for being there for me, saving my life and being a great....... friend. Please don't try and find me because you won't, and don't go to the cliff hoping that I go there before I leave because I'm not.

Your friend, Erica

Putting the pen down and closing my eyes for a second I place the letter down onto the bed, knowing Joe he'll look for me in here first so he should find this without any trouble. Picking up my bag and small suitcase I quietly sneak downstairs and out the house.

***

Walking away from the house, going to the ATM, getting a one way bus ticket to New York the whole time all I can think about is Joe and how he's going to react, and if I'm making the right decision. Part of me wants to get off the bus right now and run back to him but the other part knows that it's better for me to leave now rather then later when we're more emotionally attached and he finds someway to keep me here. Lets face it Joe would find someway. I hate him for having the ability to do that, just like I hate him for making me feel this way; you know the feeling..... sometimes just looking at him makes my chest hurt, and how even though I want to hate him for all the bad things he's done to me I still couldn't stop myself from loving him- no wait, I don't mean that I don't love him. What am I talking about? If I loved him I would have known by now, sure I loved hanging out and getting closer to him this past month but I don't- I can't love him, that's ridiculous. I don't love Joe Jonas.