The Special Two

"Mom, I've got to go." I said as I shut my car door as the dejavu of the situation set in fully. Only this time I was choosing to leave.

I watched her lean against the door frame and frown, "Alright."

I smiled softly and walked up. For the first time in I can't tell you how long, I hugged my mom. Her muscles tensed before eventually she relaxed and returned the hug. "I'm going to miss you, Clara."

Tears slid down her cheeks and I felt a wave of uneasiness come over me. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. "Mom, I'm going to miss you too. But I have my own life back home."

She flinched at the word. I could fell her wanting to say This is your home. But it wasn't, not anymore at least.

"It's good for me." I smiled sadly, "I'll be eighteen in two weeks. There's a guy back there too."

"You can't throw everything away for a guy dear, just remember that."

My eyebrows furrowed as the wind blew my long brown hair in my face. I pulled my brown cardigan around me. He's not just a guy; I wanted to yell at her. Instead I readjusted my faded blue strapless dress and braided brown belt.

"I know Mom." I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, "The Clearwater's are back there too. Leah's going through a rough spot, she needs me." I lied.

My mother nodded and said another quick goodbye. I walked over to the car and climbed in.

The last day of my visit was a terrible one, although this time my mother had no involvement. I woke up crying, I didn't know why. I had the picture of Jake and I pressed firmly against my heart. My mouth was dry and my throat felt raw. When I went downstairs for breakfast, my mother said I kept calling something in my sleep.

I wasn't hungry. I wasn't tired. I wasn't even upset. I just felt...empty.

I thought the morning was bad but as the day came to an end I felt more and more like this. I just sat in the living room staring into open space. When I was fortunate enough to sleep I dreamt about apricots blossoms and wolves. Well technically there was only one wolf that showed up, a russet one, to be more specific.

It always ended up the same. I would wake up crying, these awful heart wrenching sobs. It heart to dream. That's why I was driving home at two in the morning. I refused to sleep because it hurt. It hurt to laugh. I felt like a mental case.

I watched the street lights blur pass and I sped pass them. Slowly the sun rose and painted the sky with various shades of pinks and tangerine. It warmed my car but didn't make it to me. I still felt cold.

Around the halfway point I pulled over and pulled my knees to my chest. My feet and hands were cold and numb. I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday morning but I felt like I had shoveled an entire weeks worth of rotten sushi. My mouth was dry. I got the feeling that I had just gone on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

Basically, I felt like I was going to barf.

I tried to take deep breaths. "You're okay." I breathed heavily, "You're okay."

But I knew I wasn't. Luckily, after fifteen minutes of mumbling that to myself, I convinced my body that I was.

I revved the engine and pulled back onto the road.

Unfortunately the feeling kept coming back but I never stopped the car again. I felt like I needed to keep driving no matter what. If I could just get to the Washington border, I would say, and then I'll pull over at some rest stop. But I did get to the Washington border and I didn't stop.

Instead I started shaking.

It began with a nervous tapping, and then my car felt like a freezer. The tapping turned into shivers which turned into small convulsions. I was relieved when I entered my house and I immediately unpacked.

It only took me twenty minutes to unpack and put a load of laundry in. I looked around with anxious eyes. I made my bed and tidied my room in every other way possible. I swept small space that was my second story. I put another load in the washer and moved the wet stuff to the dryer and folded the things that were dry. Then I put them away.

I moved downstairs and got out the hardcore cleaning supplies. I was scrubbing the tile floor when someone knocked on my door. However, captivated in my current state, I ignored them and continued to scrub the small black mark that kept my floor from being squeaky clean. They started ringing the doorbell.

But the damn black mark wasn't coming off. I desperately poured more bleach, the liquid that I felt could make this thing go away, and got a new scrubber. It wasn't coming off! I moved my arm faster and in more furious circles.

"Clara? Whoa, Clara!" I felt to pairs of arms pull me away. Someone grabbed a tissue and began to wipe my face; I didn't notice I was crying.

I looked up to see Seth and Leah Clearwater, Leah was clearing off what little make up was left from two days ago. Seth put ice on my hand and wrapped tape around it. I had rubbed it raw with the green scrubber but no blood had come up. I was getting stronger because it was closer to my eighteenth birthday.

Clara was making something in the kitchen and I heard the faucet start running. "Clara, what happened?" Seth asked in a delicate tone.

I was still sobbing, "I can't get that spot to come off." I said sadly and pointed to where the pool of bleach was. Seth looked at me quixotically and then looked at the floor.

"That's a chip in the tile. It can't be scrubbed off." He said slowly when he started to realize that situation that he had walked in on.

"Where's Jake?"

My sobs came harder and my walls caved in when Seth carried me over to the couch, away from the stench of the cleaning supplies. He held me until the words formed a coherent sentence.

"We broke up." I said shakily. I felt the sobs become less erratic and my hands stopped shaking a little. I leaned into Seth a little, he smelt kind of like Jake.

Seth looked at me with an indescribable expression. "You can't break up with your imprint Clara."

"How do we even know if he imprinted on me? We've fought so much since I moved here. He stalked Bella for months! Maybe he just felt like he needed to try something different I was the newest thing."

"You know that's not true." Seth said as he stroked my hair, "You wouldn't be feeling like this if it was."

Deep down I knew he was right. I knew what was wrong with me. I just refused to see it.

"I miss him." I whispered and wiped more hot tears away from my face.

Leah came in and smiled sympathetically as she put a sandwich and a glass of orange juice in front of me. "You're supposed to."

I looked at the food, "I'm not hungry." Even the idea of eating seemed repulsive.

Leah nodded, "Seth can you go pick up that mess in the kitchen?"

Without a word he got up and did so. I stared back at Leah, "I know. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't be so torn up over him."

The smell of bleach slowly left the room and I heard the hard door slam as Seth left. Leah just watched me as she seemly debated something.

"Actually, you should. You're not supposed to break up with your soul mate and you really aren't supposed to leave afterwards."

She reached for the sandwich and took a big bite, "He's like water to you." She explained, "You can stop drinking water for a few days but it doesn't come without consequences. You go through withdraw."

"Withdraw? He's a person. Anyone can be substituted for anyone else if you try hard enough."

"Not with you and Jake. Although I'll admit, we've never had actually fight their imprint. You'll feel better if you're around him. But Clara, if you refuse to be with him...things will get really bad."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed and put the dishes in the dish washer, "You can't go very long without water Clara."