Your Hand In Mine

"Define 'appiness..," Kris said as he played with a button on his coat. We were laying side by side outside on the snow covered ground, just looking up at the stars, despite it being ten o'clock at night in the middle of winter. We had been out here for a good forty-five minutes, just talking.

"Happiness to me is..," I paused, "it's when you feel like you're on top of the world, and you've got this constant smile. You feel like a little kid getting an ice cream cone or exactly what you wanted for Christmas. It's just an overwhelming feeling, and you want everyone else to feel it, too."

"You know what make me 'appy?" he asked me, having trouble with singular and plural forms and pronouncing words that start with 'h' funny, like he always did.

"Hockey?" I guessed.

"You," he whispered, his eyes fixed on the sky above us.

What he just told me brought a smile to my face, and I could honestly say that I was experiencing that overwhelming feeling. I turned my head in his direction then turned on my side so I could kiss him. He kissed me back with the same amount of passion, and I slowly shut my eyes. I'm almost positive that if this were a book, you could bookmark this as the page where I first fell in love with Kristopher Letang.

I let my lips leave his and looked down at him for a few moments with a smile. "You make me happy, too," I whispered, causing his smile to grow even bigger. He reached up and gave me a quick kiss, then I moved so I could lay with my head on his shoulder and my back on the ground. We laid there in a comfortable silence for a good ten minutes.

The way my breath hit the air became increasingly interesting over those ten minutes, and I let out a few quick puffs of air.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a slight laugh.

I gave my shoulders a shrug. "I just like the way my breath looks."

"Oh. I guess it look sort of cool," he said, then let out a few breaths of his own.

"Told you."

"Hey! You kids are going catch a cold if you don't get inside soon," we heard a man warn us from the sidewalk. We both looked over to the guy only to see him shaking his head and walking away.

Kris picked himself up off the ground and held out his hand to help me up, but I didn't take it.

"I wan to make a snow angel first." And that's exactly what I did. I moved my arms and legs so it looked like I was doing jumping jacks while laying on the ground. I probably created the best snow angel ever.

I was in the middle of making my third one, when a snowball hit my face. Gee, wonder who that could be.. I stopped moving and gathered some snow from beside me, then I whipped it at Kris. His face was priceless.

"I surrender," he said, and stuck his arms up in the air.

"Good," I smiled. "Now let's go inside, it's fucking freezing." He opened the door for me, and we walked up to his apartment, hand in hand. "Do you have an extra shirt and a pair sweats I could wear? My clothes are soaked," I said with a frown as soon as we were inside his place.

"Yeah. There is a t-shirt in my closet and sweats in one of my drawer," he answered, shimmying out of his coat and kicking off his shoes.

"Okay," I said, then made my way to his room. His room, and apartment, looked like most of the guys' places. There was hockey stuff scattered everywhere, neutral colored walls, and their beds were pretty much never made. Well, Kris' bed was made today. But it probably wouldn't be tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day. They didn't have a ton of food, either, but that's understandable because they go on road trips and eat out a lot.

I pulled out a black pair of sweats and decided on one of his Penguin shirts. I took off my coat, jeans, and shirt then kicked them aside.

"Hey, Kris?" I called as I slid on his over-sized shirt. When I poked my head through, I saw him leaning against the doorframe, staring. I immediately blushed and crossed the room to put on his sweatpants. I don't know why I sort of felt funny about him seeing me half naked. I mean, he was my boyfriend.

"You don't have a hair tie, do you?" I asked him, as I glanced at myself in his mirror. I looked like a train wreck; my hair was a fuzzy mess, and his clothes were pretty big on me, but oh, well.

"Nope," he said as he shook his head.

"Didn't think so. But I guess it doesn't hurt to ask. I mean, who knows, you could have a whole shit load of girly hair stuff."

"Yeah, because my 'air look great curled and in a pony tail," he laughed as I saw him lift his arms so he could pull off his wet shirt in the mirror. Now it was my turn to stare. He wasn't ripped--but that's okay because I was never really into abs--he was toned. But it wasn't like hello-here's-my-eight-pack.

"I'm sure it would look fabulous," I laughed as soon as I could stop drooling.

"You are sleeping in 'ere, right?" he asked me, then slid out of his pants. All he had on was a pair of boxers. Was he trying to kill me!?

"Y-yeah," I stuttered out, still gazing at him through the mirror.

"Well, are you coming, or what?" he laughed as he threw some of the pillows on the floor. I padded back across the room and helped him pull down the covers and stick the pillows back on the bed. I got under the blankets first, and Kris followed my actions.

"Um, lights?" I said with a bit of a laugh.

"Right," he replied, then got out of the bed and turned the lights off. The only light that was visible now was coming from the city outside of his window. When he got back under the covers, I moved closer to him and used his bare upper chest/shoulder as my pillow.

"Question number eleven.. If you 'ad a turtle, what would you name it?" Kris asked me. How does he always remember what question we left off with?

"Uh, Speedy," I replied. "Do they bury people with their braces on?"

"They might take them off, but I do not know. Teeth do not really go away, do they?"

"Beats me."

"All the guy 'ave been wanting to know the answer to this.. If girls with big breast work at 'ooter, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?"

"I love IHOP!"

"I 'ave never been there," he laughed. "And you did not answer my question."

"Really? That's a shame. We'll go there some time. You'll love it. And I don't know, maybe," I told him. "Since bread is square, then why is lunch meat round?"

"Not all bread is square. But I 'ate when it 'ang off the side of the bread. It bother me. Why do people say ''ead up' when you should duck?"

"Yeah, that is sort of contradicting," I said as I pushed a piece of hair from my face. "I'm out of questions."

"What was it like growing up 'ere?" Kris asked, turning the conversation a little more serious.

"It was pretty nice, actually. I didn't grow up in the city, though. I'm from Plum, you know, where RJ Umberger's from. And my dad always took me and Josh to Steelers and Pens games and occasionally to go see the Pirates. I love it here. What's it like back in Montreal?"

"A lot of snow. It is pretty cold up there, too. But you can alway find something to do. I mostly played 'ockey with a few friend, not'ing too exciting."

"It sounds nice, even though it's a little on the cold side. And I understand the whole 'hockey taking over your life' thing. That's how it was for me with soccer until I graduated high school. That's where I met Lex ,too, back in Peewee's. She was the girl who stood in front of the goal doing cartwheels and picking the dandelions," I informed him.

"That sound like somet'ing she would do. You 'ave been friend with 'er that long? I do not know 'ow you do it."

"She's not that bad, once you get to know her," I said and repositioned my head on his chest. "How long were you and Luc friends?" I asked, a little on the quieter side.

He was silent for a long moment.

"Oh, Kris," I sighed, moving my hand to his chest and turning my head so I could look at him. "I'm sorry for bringing-"

"No, you do not 'ave to be sorry," he softly said, shifting his eyes to look at me. "I was just t'inking..," he trailed.

"About what?" I asked him in a whisper, already knowing the answer.

"Luc..," he said, moving his eyes back to the ceiling. "We met when we were thirteen. We play together in Junior and won two Gold together. We were roomate a lot and did everyt'ing together.. And 'ad a lot of fun. 'e was my best friend, and I could tell 'im anything, trust 'im, you know.. 'e 'ad my back, and I 'ad 'is. 'e was a funny guy, too," he said, then paused. "Then one day, 'e was gone." It sounded like he was about to cry. And that broke a part of my heart. I wrapped my arm around him and kissed his chest. "I feel like 'e is with me every game, playing with me. And sometime.. sometime I don't sleep at night."

"I really am sorry, Kris.."

"I know you are, but it is okay," he said as he ran his palm over my hair a few times.

We laid in silence for a few minutes, holding each other in our arms.

"Do you think about him a lot?" I whispered.

"Everyday," he said quietly.

"I probably would, too," I whispered as I turned in his arms, my back to his front side.

"Goodnight, Shane," he whispered, then wrapped his arm around my torso.

"Night, Kristopher," I whispered back and slowly shut my eyes.