Your Hand In Mine

- Shane -

I had barely gotten any sleep last night and I had already been up since eight, which was three hours ago. I hadn't left my room, hadn't checked my phone, I hadn't done anything. I just laid on my bed, eyes watching the ceiling.

I was never one to really cry--thanks to Josh telling me to be strong and that tears never looked good on my face. I didn't even shed a tear over the boys who dumped me, so why was I crying now? Was it because I was the one who ended the relationship? Because what Kris did wasn't what any of my previous boyfriends did? Or was I just too in love him? I didn't know. I just knew that I didn't want anything to do with him.

We just rushed everything, I decided. Hell, we were just a day shy of being together for two months and we had already said those three little words.

When I turned my phone back on over an hour later, it was flooded with texts and missed calls. Fifteen missed calls--thirteen from Kris, two from Lexa. Four texts--one from my brother and Kris, the other two from Lex. Two voice mails.

I dialed my voice mail and listened as Kris' voice filled my ear.

"Alo'a," he said quietly, voice cracking. "I know..," he let out a sigh. "I know that you probably do not want to 'ear from me, but I need to talk to you," he said. He was right, I didn't want to listen to him. "I just want you to know that I did not cheat on you, and that I would never cheat on you. I can not even think about doing that to you, you mean too much to me. Even though you might think that I am just like every other guy, I am not. I would not lie to you about that, I would not lie to you ever. Max drew in that tally as a joke," bullshit, "because I planned on keeping that spot blank until you were ready. And if you think I am upset or mad about you not being ready.. I am not, I promise. I am so sorry that you are 'urting. If I could make it so you would not 'ave to feel that pain, I would." Then you shouldn't have fucked her in the first place. "Call me back, please," he begged. "I do not want this to be the end of us. Je t'aime, Shane." Then he hung up. A single, warm, salty tear ran down my cheek, but I didn't wipe it away. I listened to the other message he left, and even though he didn't say much, that single tear was followed by at least nine more. If I hated him for cheating on me, then why was I crying? I shook my head.

When I stopped staring at my phone, I opened my texts. Josh just wanted to know how things were going, and I told him I was doing pretty good, even though I clearly wasn't. He didn't need to be worrying about me; he needed to be worrying about his family and his new life in Florida. I could take care of myself.

I scrolled down to Kris' text, and after hesitating, I opened it.

Please, Shane. Please just call me

I read it, stared at it, then hit the arrow key. I wasn't going to call him.

From: The Wicked Witch of the West

Where are you?

"Fuck," I muttered as I slammed my palm to my forehead. I was supposed to meet Lexa at noon for the cake thing. Fuck! I texted her back saying that I had overslept, and that I was leaving in the next two minutes. I didn't bother opening her other message, it would probably say the same thing.

I took a look in the mirror and was surprised that it didn't shatter; I was hideous. My hair was a full of frizzy curls, my eyes were red and puffy, and I had black mascara stains the whole way down my cheeks. I was finally seeing what a broken heart looked like..

I pulled my hair back into a messy bun, not really caring which way the curls fell then washed my face to get rid of the black and to make it less obvious that I had cried my heart out. I pulled on a hoodie and some jeans then grabbed my keys and phone and left. I didn't want to go deal with her wedding cake, or go anywhere for that matter, but I didn't want her to be pissed at me or think that I didn't care about the wedding.

I drove to Alexa and Ryan's place and felt an even bigger frown come to my face when I saw them waiting in the car. I turned off my own car and walked over to theirs and got in.

"Sorry for making you wait. I fell asleep late last night, and you know me when it comes to sleeping..," I said, offering them a fake smile and fake, little laugh.

"It's alright," Ryan told me, pulling out onto the road.

"Yeah, we're just forty-five minutes late," Lexa mumbled, clearly pissed at me. I sighed.

"Feeling any better, Ry? Lex told me you were pretty sick last night," I said, trying to start a conversation.

"Yep, as good as new. I don't know what I ate yesterday, but it was not pretty coming back up," he laughed.

"Yuck, you're going make me sick," I said in a joking tone. If he would have kept going, I probably would've thrown up even though there's nothing in my system. I hadn't eaten since like, six yesterday night. Food just didn't look appealing to me.

The rest of the way to the cake place was rather quiet. Why? Lex was pissed at me, and Ryan didn't know how to ease the tension, simple as that. I got out of the car last and followed them in. We went to the back of the building and sat down with an older guy who was making their cake.

"Bonjour, mon nom est Philippe." Just my fucking luck. I groaned, earning a look from my friends. He just had to be French, didn't he?

I tried as hard as I could to pay attention to Philippe roughly explain everything, but I couldn't; he spoke just like Kris.

"So, do you 'ave any idea as to what you to put on the cake?" Philippe asked, looking at the three of us.

"I was hoping to have three tiers, but square shaped," Lex answered, grabbing Ryan's hand. I wanted to barf.

"'ow many people are going to be at the wedding? It do not need to be exact, just a general number. Like, fifty to one-'undred? Plus? Moins?"

"Somewhere between two fifty and three-hundred," Ryan told him. "Does that sound right, babe?"

"Yeah, that's about right. I wanted to have black designs on the cake too, but I'm not sure what I want them to look like. That's why Shane's here." My head snapped up after I heard my name, realizing I should probably be paying attention.

They just looked at me, waiting for me to say something. "Um.."

"The design, cher," Philippe informed me.

"Yeah. Uh, what if you put black hearts all over it?" I asked. It was the first think I thought of. Philippe looked to Alexa, who was looking at me, eyebrows raised. "Or use the design on your dress?" I suggested.

Her face lit up. "Thank you so, so much! That's perfect!" she said, getting up and giving me a hug. I gave her a weak hug back and refrained from mocking her about sounding like a bimbo with that perky voice like I normally would have.

I sat there for five more minutes. That was as long as I could stand it. Ryan and Alexa were so in love it killed me and completely shattered the fake-happiness appearance I was going for. That, and Philippe. I didn't want to be around anything French ever again. I quickly got up and pushed through the people that were in my way and burst through the doors outside. I couldn't take it. I wanted them to be happy, but I just didn't want to witness it, not right now. They had what I didn't, what was ruined last night. I leaned up against the wall and slid down the bricks to the sidewalk, keeping my knees tucked into my chest.

I guessed that I was sitting there for ten minutes before Lex took notice that I was missing and came to find me.

"Why are you out here?" she asked as she walked over to me.

"I needed some air. It was getting pretty hot in there," I half lied.

"Shane, it was freezing in there. Now, why are you really out here?"

I shrugged. "I just needed air, that's all."

"You know.. I'm the only one you can't fool when it comes to how you feel." she said, sliding down the wall next to me. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I tried convincing her. She didn't buy it. "Kris cheated on me, I ended it, and now I'm a wreck," I said, giving her the shorter version. Her jaw dropped. "Don't believe me? Here, listen to this," I told her as I reached into my pocket and played Kris' messages for her.

"Wow," she said, handing me the phone back.

"Mhm."

"I'm guessing you don't believe him?" she asked me.

"Not at all."

"Why? Could you not tell how sad he sounded? And I may not know Max very well, but that sounds like a typical Max joke."

"Are you trying to tell me you're taking his side?" I asked her, growing angry.

"No. I'm just.. What makes you think he really did fuck someone while he was gone? How do you know he wasn't telling the truth?" she reasoned.

"Because there was a tally. And the fact that he couldn't even look at me when I called him out about being just like every other guy.. If that doesn't tell me he's guilty, then I don't know what does."

"Did you ever think that he-"

"Why are you on his side?!" I yelled, cutting her off. She was taken aback. "I'm sorry," I whispered through a sigh, a tear falling from my eye.

"Don't worry about it," she said, trying to comfort me. "Do you want to stay out here for a bit longer or go eat some cake?" she asked, wrapping her arms around me.

"You go, I'll be in a few minutes," I told her as I rested my head on her shoulder, looking out to the street full of cars and people.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Lex unwrapped her arms from around me and got up. She brushed off her clothes and walked back over to the door, glancing back at me before finally walking inside.

I let out another sigh and leaned my head against the building. I didn't like feeling like this--unhappy and miserable. It wasn't me, but there was nothing I could do about it. I was mess, a complete wreck, and a pathetic excuse for a human being.

But I guess that's what a broken heart does to you..