Your Hand In Mine

- Shane -

"Dude!" I heard a familiar voice yell just outside my door. It belonged to Maxime. As soon as I recognized who it was, my heart dropped at the thought of who else could be out there..

"What?" That would be Jordan and Flower. What the fuck were they doing here?

"What if she isn't even here? We came all this way and she's not even home.. Fuck, we should've called," Max said as I turned off Cold Case and walked towards my door so I could hear better.

"Shut the fuck up," Jordan told him. "If she's not here, we'll call her. If she doesn't answer, we'll come back." Jordan's statement left me wondering what I should do. Open the door? Don't open the door? Answer my phone? Don't answer my phone? Never come back to apartment? Pretend I moved? I just didn't want to deal with them, even if we were sort of still friends.

"Fine," Maxime huffed.

"Don't you think we should have at least told Kris?" Marc asked. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. Thank God he wasn't out there.

"Told Kris what?" Jordan replied.

"That we were coming here."

"No. You know he would have dropped whatever he was doing just to come see her, and I highly doubt that she wants to see him. I barely want to look at the guy. She probably won't even like the fact that we're here, if she is here," Jordan mumbled the last part. Smart boy, he was right about it all.

"I guess you're right," Flower sighed.

"Knock on the door already, I have to pee," Max complained.

"Shut up," Jordan said, pounding his fist a few times against the wood. I ran a hand through my hair, taking a deep breath and letting it out before I finally turned the doorknob and pulled the door back. I opened my mouth to say something, but the blonde beat me to it. "Look, before you slam the door in our faces or cuss us out, can you just let Max piss?"

"Whatever," I said as I walked back to the couch, leaving the door open for them.

Marc shut the door then took a seat next to Jordan on the couch that I wasn't occupying. We didn't talk, just sat there looking at the ground until Max came back from the bathroom.

We sat in silence for another minute, not sure what to say, until I finally spoke up. "Why are you here?"

They looked at each other, as if deciding who should be the one to give the explanation. Jordan's eyes finally shifted to mine. "We know that you probably don't want to see us or hear what we have to say, but you need to," he said. Marc nodded in agreement. "Kris, he.. he's not Kris anymore," Jordan said as he shook his head. "Not since that night you left him. And I get why you ended it, we all do, but you shouldn't have."

"Why not?" I asked him, moving my gaze to the window.

"Because that tally wasn't real. He didn't have sex with anyone. I'm pretty sure he hasn't had sex in a long time, actually." I didn't say anything, just waited for them to continue.

"I know Kris told you this, but I was the one who wrote that tally, not him. I did it so the guys would laugh even though they knew it wasn't real. Kris is the type of guy who doesn't need sex to get through the day. If he would have had his way with someone--you being that someone--he wouldn't laugh with the rest of us, like he did when I put that on the paper. He would have kept quiet about it and not shared any of the details, that's just the way he is. He wouldn't think it's funny that he finally got some. He would never cheat on you, he barely even looks at other girls. And he did laugh at my attempt to be funny, but it only lasted a few minutes before he stopped me and told me to erase it. I thought about doing what he said, but decided against it because I thought it was still funny. He thought I would listen to him and get rid of it," Max paused. "He didn't want what happened, to happen. He didn't want you to go in there and see that, even if it was a joke. I'm sorry for even thinking about drawing the tally and for not erasing it like he asked me to. I never wanted this to happen, not after the way I saw him when you came along," he finished as I moved my eyes back to the three men. He sounded so believable, yet he was probably just covering Kris' ass. At least they were good at sticking to the same made-up story.

"I'm not as close to Tanger as I am TK, but I'm done with the way he's acting because you're not in his life anymore. If he really didn't want you with him, don't you think he'd be happy? Not sad and depressed as fuck?" Jordan said. He was.. depressed?

"He isn't the same anymore, Shane. He walks around like a zombie, like he isn't even alive anymore. He doesn't go out with us anymore. He wasn't much into bars before, even after a win, but now he doesn't even go out to dinner with us. He just goes straight home. You're lucky if you hear him say one word at practice or in the locker room--excluding the media. But even then his mood is so down. He keeps his eyes on the ground most of the time, not bothering to pay attention to the world. He pretty much just sleeps, plays hockey, and repeats it all over again. He doesn't do anything other than that unless he has to. His heart, it's empty and broken. And I'm not telling you this because I want you to run back to him, even though that would make him a whole lot happier, I'm telling you this because you deserve to hear the truth, to hear what's happened to him, and to let you know that you were everything to that kid," Marc, said. "He only wanted you." Tears had started to form in my eyes, and I desperately tried to keep them from falling. All these weeks of trying to get over Kris.. and now I had to start all over again.

"Wanted?" I choked out.

"Yeah," he nodded. "He only wanted you until you broke up with him. He still wants you, Shane. I've never seen him so in love with someone. It actually makes me sick," he said, a disgusted look appearing on his face.

"If he still wanted me, wouldn't you think he'd make an effort to get me back?"

"He did," Jordan said sternly, sticking up for his teammate. "You didn't make the effort."

"Why would I make an effort? I don't want to be with him anymore! That's why I never called him back. That's why I didn't answer his texts. And that's why I'm moving on with my life," I told them, a tear falling. I was angry with myself, I had to go back and start at square one.

"You.. you've moved on?" Jordan asked, shocked.

I sighed and gave my head a nod. "Somebody once told me that moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult. They couldn't have been more right. But I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was. I'm not completely over him, and I'm not saying that I don't love him anymore, but yes, I'm moving on."

"You're making the biggest mistake of your life, Shane," Max told me. "You said it yourself, you still love him."

"He needs you, and you need him," came from Jordan's mouth.

"That's what you think," I mumbled. They just looked at each other.

"We're being serious," Max said.

"So am I. You know, if he really didn't cheat on me and if you really faked the tally, why did it take you so long to finally tell me?" All three of them were silent.

"Because we wanted you two to work things out, but you didn't," Marc finally said.

"And we're sick of seeing Kris like this," Max told me.

"We just wanted you to know the truth," Jordan finished.

They were liars.