Your Hand In Mine

- Kris -

We--TK, Jordan, Sidney, Alex, Flower, Max and I--were sitting around my living room, talking about Shane. I invited all them over earlier, and when I had call Max, Jordan,and Marc, they told me they were going to be a little late. I did not give much thought as to why, though. I just sort of assume it was something unimportant.

Turns out, it wasn't.

Max, Flower and Staalsy had just got back from Shane's apartment a little over an hour ago, something I did not know about until they show up, and were telling me what was said. I was somewhat pissed at them.. They go to see the girl I was in love with and do not even bother to tell me? Of course, I was going to be mad.

"I don't understand why you just don't go and see her, maybe she'd change her mind if she saw you again," Max said in English so the rest of the guy could understand, even though Marc and I could understand him if he choose to speak French, Sid, too.

I shook my head. "'ave you been paying attention at all? She does not want to be with me anymore. She said she is moving on."

"Yeah, that's what she said," Jordan told me, making Max laugh.

"That's what she said! Oh, that was a good one, Staalsy!" he said through some laughter.

He was the only one laughing. Some of the guy had little smirk, but most of us held a face of annoyance because of Max's immaturity. It pissed me off even more, and I shot him a look. "Now is not the time, Max," I told him, my anger showing, earning a apology from him.

"Anyway," Jordan continue. "She only said that. It didn't sound believable to me. It sounded like she wanted to appear strong and confident with her words, but you could tell it was pretty much an act. She cried, too. Doesn't that say something?"

"I'm not an expert, but she's definitely not over you, Tanger," Sidney said, backing up Gronk. "I may not have been there, but Staaly's right--she's just appearing that way. It's not really how she feels.. Like she said it hoping that they would believe her so that maybe she could start to believe it herself."

"Wow, Sid. That was deep," Max joked. I hit the roof.

"If you do not stop with the fucking joke, I am going to beat the shit out of you. You cause this mess and now you are laughing? Grow the fuck up," I scoff, shaking my head.

"Sorry," he mumble. "But I can't help it. It's how I am," he told me with a shrug. Yes, that was how he was; it was his personality, the jokester. But now was not the time. He really need to learn how to be serious and supportive. It was the least he could fucking do, don't you think?

"Then maybe you should get the fuck out," I retort. He open his mouth to say something, but smartly kept it shut. I turned my eye back to the guy and they were just staring at me, shock at my action. This was the second time I was ever seriously mad at Max--over the same issue, too. They were not use to it.

"So now that we've heard it all," Tyler start. "What are you going to do?"

I thought about it for a moment. Should I go to her apartment? Should I call her? Text her? Go to her work? Not do anything? Hope that she is the one who come to me first? Get over her, like she is trying to get over me? Wait as long as it take for us to be together again? Ask the guy to fix it?

"I don't know," I honestly told told them through a sigh, running a hand through my hair. "She drive me crazy, and I am not even with 'er. It's like.. I want to be with 'er again, obviously, but I think she would 'ate me even more than she already do if I show up at 'er door."

"I don't think she necessarily hates you, Tanger. I just think she doesn't want to accept the truth--that you love her and you'd never do anything to hurt her," Jordan said.

"I don't know," I sigh again, looking down and playing with my finger. "I don't think she would answer my text or pick up the phone if I call. Even if she did answer--which she won't--she would probably tell me to never call again then 'ang up."

"He does have a point," Alex chime in. I almost forgot he was there. He did not really know Shane, but he did met her. He is not as close to me as some of the other guy, even if we both play the same position and were sometime on the same line. I just do not think he care enough to know. Love did not seem like his thing, either. But who was I to judge? Whatever make the guy happy, I guess.

"I wish it were that easy, though," I told them.

"Yeah, but life ain't fair, Tanger," TK said. No shit.

"I don't think a text or phone call would be the best way to go about things, though. Girls appreciate things more if it's done in person, at least that's what Taylor told me," Sid said, referring to his younger sister.

"I know, I know," I said, resting my head in my palm. "And I know I can not wait for 'er to come to me, because she never will," I shook my head. "But then again.. I do want to wait 'owever long it take because I love her too much to really let 'er go, and I don't want this to be the end of us."

"Do you really think she's going to come to you, though?" Marc asked.

"Maybe? No?" I reply.

"In all honesty, I think she might," Marc-André said, and I saw Sidney nod his head, too.

"I don't," Jordan told me.

"Me either." That was TK.

"I'm with you, Tanger," Max said. Alex gave his head a nod. At least now I knew what everyone opinion was. But that did not make thing any easier, not at all.

"You've gotta do something," Sidney told me. "You can't keep living like this."

"But I don't know if I can talk to 'er in person. I don't want 'er to feel any worse than she already do."

"I understand that. But at the same time, maybe by you not going to her is making her feel worse, you know? Maybe she's the one waiting. And if you never go, you could both be this way for the rest of your life. You have to try, Kris," Sid said. The rest of the guy agreed with the captain. Sidney really was a leader, in all way possible.

"I can't. I just.. I can't." No matter how much I want to, I just.. I didn't know. Was I afraid? But I love her enough that I should not be afraid, that fear should not stand in my way. Would that make me a coward if I let it keep me from Shane? If I went back, would she hate me even more? Would I rip apart her heart, again? Or, even worse, was she really getting over me? I had no idea. I did not really have a solid reason for not going, either, I just knew I couldn't.

"We already told you what we think you should do," Max said. "What're you really going to do?

I thought it over for a moment or two, before finally answering. "Give it time," I said, nodding. "I don't know what I should do right now, other than that. I am 'oping that if I just wait a little longer, I will be able to figure things out and ultimately go and talk to 'er, face to face." Smile spread across their face.

"Well," Marc-André began, standing up from the couch. "I have to get going. Vero and I are suppose to go out to dinner in a bit," he state, causing everyone to follow his action and rise to their feet.

They left shortly after, leaving me to sit at home by myself. That was the most I had talk in the past week, and I hate where it went. I did not feel any better, either. I was not happier, I was not any more alive--even if I did figure out what I was going to do for the time being. If anything, I felt worse. But how could I not? The girl I was in love with told my best friend that she was done with me and was trying to move on with her life. I guess, I just did not expect that to happen so fast. It tore me apart even more.