Your Hand In Mine

"That is so fucking ugly. Put it down right now," my best friend said as I showed her this weird little water fountain thing. I knew she would hate it, but that's half the reason why I had picked it up.

"But-" I said, trying to tell her that it looked cool even though it really didn't.

"Put. It. Down. Now," she told me.

"Fine," I said, dragging out the word. "But it really isn't that bad. I mean, who knows, Ry might have loved that centerpiece, but hated that one," I stated as I pointed to the glass bowl full of.. sticks, maybe, that were in her hands.

"Fuck you. I like it. Besides, he said, and I quote 'It's your day, do whatever makes you happy.'"

"Aw, isn't that sweet," I gushed, a smirk on my face as I finally set down the water fountain. "But technically, it's yours and his day."

A frown appeared on her face. "Is it really that bad?"

"The truth?" I asked her, receiving a nod. "Yeah, it's pretty bad."

"Why must finding centerpieces be so hard?" she complained as she put down the bowl of little sticks.

"I don't know. Why must shopping with bridezilla suck so much?" I stated, earning myself a glare. "How many tables are there again?" I asked her, hoping she would remember.

"Twenty tables of ten," she replied.

"Two hundred people, plus you two and the brides maids and groomsmen?"

"I know that it's a lot of people, but both of our families are pretty big," she explained. "We already cut it down by a hundred. Why am I telling you this? You helped make the guest list."

"Oh, yeah. But still, two hundred people.. that's a lot. My brother barely had a hundred, and you have to get rid of a hundred," I replied, my face falling a bit when I mentioned my brother. "You do know that in the end, this is going to pretty pricey."

"Yeah," she nodded. "God, I still can't believe I'm getting married."

"Tell me about it. It's weird that we're all grown up and stuff. I thought moving out and going to college was scary, but you getting married is really scary. Speaking of, I actually have class in..," I drifted, pulling out my phone. It was three twenty-nine. "An hour and a half. But getting back to you two lovebirds.. I just can't believe Ryan wants to spend the rest of his life with someone like you."

"Hey!" she said as she threw a plastic apple at me.

It hit my face then fell to the ground. I picked the fake fruit up and whipped it back at her. "I was just kidding, jeesh."

"Yeah, okay. What about this one?" she said, pointing to a centerpiece right in front of her after placing the green apple back in its bowl. In the middle of the centerpiece she had just found, there was a glass vase surrounding a white candle, and around all that, there was coral and seashells and more coral.

"It's pretty, but it doesn't exactly go with the theme you're trying to stick with. Black and white with dead stuff from the ocean.. You do the math."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She moved on to another table full of expensive and breakable shit, and I followed her. If I didn't, who knows what she would have picked up, and possibly broke. "So I'm assuming that driving to a whole other state did you good?"

"Yeah, it did. I know it was a stupid move, but I needed it."

"What'd you do there? Build a sandcastle? Skinny dip in the ocean?"

"No," I laughed. "I just laid on the sand and watched everything around me. Other than the sound of the waves, it was completely silent. This one?" I asked Alexa, picking the bowl of floating candles up and turning it back and forth in my hands, watching the tiny candles sway.

"Nah, I knocked one of those over at a wedding once. It spilled all over the groom," she recalled. "As far as I'm concerned, those things are bad luck. I don't want to dance with Ryan if he's soaking wet."

"I'm just going to set this down," I mumbled.

"Good idea," she nodded. "When you were out there getting a tan--which is completely invisible--were you smart enough to stop and clear your head?"

I gave my head a nod as I ran my fingertips along the tablecloth covering the table. "I just realized that crying and laying in bed all day isn't going to bring my brother back, so I refuse to let that happen. I know it's going to be hard, and I know I still might cry here and there, but Josh wouldn't have wanted me to miserable because of him. So I'm not going to. And I feel absolutely horrible leaving everyone the way I did, but I need to do what's best for me, right?"

"Sure. Did you apologize yet?"

"No," I stated, giving my head a slight shake. "I dialed the number to call, but I ended up hanging up before anyone could answer."

"Oh," Lex said, pausing for a second. "Maybe it's too soon, you know? Maybe once you're finally and completely happy you'll be able to say you're sorry."

"Yeah, maybe. This one's too busy, isn't it?" I asked.

"I was just thinking that. I mean, the way the flowers are arranged looks pretty, but all that black lace shit, it's got to go."

"You read my mind."

"What about him?" she asked. I sort of knew who she was talking about, but at the same time, I didn't. She could have meant anyone.

"What about who?"

"Kris."

"Why do you always bring him up? There's nothing to say about him, absolutely nothing at all," I sort of snapped.

"Because if I don't, you never will," she told me in a soft voice, looking down at another centerpiece. She really cared, I could tell; her voice was rarely this calm and delicate. "I saw him at your brother's funeral, and then I saw you pull something out of your pocket and wipe away some tears. I didn't expect you to mention him, and I don't expect you to tell me about whatever it was that he gave to you. I know you spent a great deal of your time thinking about him yesterday, too.."

I let a sigh escape my lips. "I hate you, you know that?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "But you'll thank me later."

"I doubt that," I mumbled with a little smirk. "I don't know what to do about him. I know he wants to be there for me and be with me again, but I don't think I want that. Not after what he did."

"Aren't you all about giving people second chances? Why not give him his?" she asked me.

"Because..," I sighed. "This is different."

"No, it's not. You still love him, don't you?" I let out small and barely audible 'yeah', not really wanting to admit it out loud. "Then give him another chance. You'll never know if you don't try, Shane."

"But it's so much more complicated than that," I told her.

"Only because you're making it that way." I went to argue with her, but nothing came out of my mouth. Instead, it was her voice that I heard. "Listen, I'm not going to force you to talk to him, but I do think that you're making a big mistake by not talking to him. That's just my opinion, do what you want."

I gave my head a bit of a nod before turning away from her and looking at another table. I picked up a long, skinny black vase that had the same black material wrapped around the base several times, and it looked like there were little black beads glued on to the top half. It kind of sounds cheesy and tacky, but it looked really nice. I called Lexa over, an idea forming in my head. "First of all, do you like this?"

"Yeah, it's not boring, but it's not.. It's elegant and simple."

"Exactly what I was thinking. So, what if we got a few of those really tall flowers, you know the ones I'm talking about? They're mostly pink or orange, and they're freaking huge?" She gave her head a few nods. "What if we got some of those, only have the pedals be white and the center be black, and stick them in these things?" I explained, holding up the glass vase that I had just found. "It would take away from the busyness of the tablecloths you picked out."

"That sounds perfect," she said, reaching her arms out to give me a hug. I wrapped my own arms around her and exhaled. I couldn't make myself happy, not yet. So, I figured I could at least make my best friend happy.