Your Hand In Mine

- Shane -

As I stood there in my ugly black bride's maid dress, holding two bouquets of flowers, I couldn't help but envy the love Alexa and Ryan shared. I let out a barely audible sigh. I had that once..

If you would have seen Ryan's face when the doors opened and his future wife walked down the aisle with her father.. It was just incredible. His smile was the biggest smile I had ever seen, and he couldn't keep it off of his face. The way his eyes lit up and took in every feature of my best friend.. Hell, he kept repeating that he was the luckiest man in the world before the doors had even opened. Let's just say that the way he looked at her, every girl wants a man to look at her that way.

But you know, there were times when I would catch Kris looking at me that way. Maybe his smile was more subtle, and maybe it was a little crooked, but it still said the same thing: love. When I thought back to all those times I would catch him, I was surprised I hadn't run out of the church right then to find him. But I guess that was what stopped me--I had to actually find him. And I didn't even know where to start. They got beat out of the playoffs over a month ago, so he wouldn't sill be in Pittsburgh. He could be back in Montreal, or hell, he could be half way around the world on vacation. And then I thought, even if I knew where he was, I could never run out on my best friend's wedding, never. The only person that could run away was the bride herself, and from the looks of it, she wasn't about to.

Lexa's face held a smaller grin on it, though--unlike Ryan's. It was like she was somewhat shy and embarrassed that Ryan, and everyone else, had their eyes completely glued to her. I didn't understand why, though; she was an attention whore. That wasn't the nicest way to put it, I suppose, but it sort of summed her up a little bit. Anyway, as she slowly made her way down the aisle, arm linked with her father's, you could tell, even from as far away as I was, that she was about to cry from being so happy and being so in love. Her dress, it looked absolutely gorgeous on her. It flowed and swayed perfectly as she walked, and her hair looked like it came straight out of a magazine. She really looked like that beautiful bitch you wished you looked like all through high school. Yeah, you know the one that could come to school in dirty overalls and not take a shower in days and all the guys would still drool over her? She was that girl, except in an amazing gown that only wanted one man.

I pretty much zoned out the whole time they were standing in front of priest. It was long and pretty boring, what can I say? I mean, really, did anyone ever really pay attention to what was going on up there the whole time? No. I did, however, pay attention when it was time for them to say their vows--which were beautiful, by the way--and when the guy said, "you may now kiss the bride."

Seeing as I was part of the bridal party, my lucky ass got to go take pictures, in the blistering heat. It took us a half an hour to get to where we were supposed to take pictures, but in reality, it should've taken us five. There was a bad accident between where we were coming from and where we were going to, and we were caught in the middle of all that traffic. It kind of sucked, but I hoped the people involved were okay.

When we finally got to Mt. Washington, the first thing everybody did was complain about the heat. To be fair, though, it was brutal. It felt like we were there for forever, too, but we really weren't. The photographers took pictures of just the two of them, everyone, them and their parents, just one of them, the bride's maids, the groomsmen.. You get my point. I seriously don't know how I didn't melt away into nothing but a puddle. But I sucked it up and acted like nothing was wrong.

~!@#$%^&*()_+

Meet Aaron, the prime example of a typical, cocky asshole that most people tried to avoid. Too bad I had to interact with him; he was the best man, and I was the maid of honor. You can't really talk yourself out of that one. And I didn't know if he was just messing with me, or if he was being completely serious, but he kept wiggling his eyebrows at me and saying how he was going to get lucky tonight.

"Keep on dreaming, buddy," I told him as we kept dancing.

"What? Are you taken?" he smirked, raising his eyebrows.

"N- yes," I lied.

"Well, I don't see him anywhere," Aaron smirked again as he looked around, sliding his hands down my back and resting them on my ass. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him." How a guy like Ryan chose a guy like Aaron to be the best man at his wedding was beyond me; they were nothing alike.

"For the sake of my best friend's wedding, I'm not going to kick you in the balls and cause a scene," I told him, plastering a fake smile on my face.

"Feisty, aren't you? I like it," he said, smirk still intact, as he squeezed my ass. This is when I really wished Kris would come out of nowhere and beat the living shit out this guy for touching me the way he was. Too bad none of my wishes ever came true, including this one.

Unfortunately, I got stuck dancing with that dickhead for two more songs. When I would spin away from him then spin back in, he would pull me close so he could touch my ass and look down at my cleavage. It was disgusting. And the worst part about it all, was that nobody even noticed. But then again, I was good at hiding discomfort and faking happiness.

After we danced for a while longer, dinner was being served and I had the misfortune of sitting next to Mr. Asshole. Again, completely unavoidable. I think he purposely spilled his water on my lap, too, thinking that I would take my dress off or something. No free show tonight, fucker. Other than that, dinner was pretty much uneventful.

When the plates were cleared away, Lex dragged me away and out onto the dance floor.

"What're we doing?" I asked.

"Dancing," she replied in a 'duh' tone as songs for people our age came on.

"But, Lex," I sort of whined. "I can't dance."

"Are you kidding?" she laughed. "Do you not see everyone else around us?" Lexa said as she waved her hand around in the air. "They can't dance, either."

"Fine," I sighed as I took her out-stretched hand and started to dance.

"See. If I were blind, you could be a pro."

I frowned. "Gee, thanks. I love you, too."

"So, what do you think of th-"

"Do you mind if I steal her for a while?" he interrupted.

"Sure," Alexa smiled, sending me a wink. Was she not the one telling me to be with Kris again? She should have told him no and kept doing the moon walk and sprinkler with me, not send me off to Aaron.

"You like this song, babe?" he asked me as some upbeat song came on. I couldn't even tell you the name of it, really.

"No. And I'm not your 'babe'," I spat at him.

"Oh, but you will be," he shot back, that smirk coming back to his lips again.

"Fuck you. I'm in love with somebody else," I threw at him, dropping his hands and walking away to find the bathroom.

With an upset look on my face, I brushed right past Alexa and Ryan. She hadn't even noticed or bothered to follow me and find out what was making me feel the way I was. I didn't want her to walk away from Ryan and the happiest day of her life to ask me what was wrong and give me a smart comment back. But at the same time, I wanted to see that she cared at least the slightest bit, for her to be there for me like I was always there for her. I should have known better, though; it was all about her today, of course she was wasn't going to miss out on one single moment of that.

When I pulled open the bathroom door, I was thankful that nobody else was in there. I made my way to the last stall and walked in. Once I shut and locked the door, I slid down the wall, keeping my knees tucked into my chest. Only then did I let the tears fall from my eyes.

Seeing the two of them so happy and so in love and having everyone they cared about there to celebrate with them, it made me sad to think that I ruined everything with the one man I had ever really loved. And I know that Max said Kris wanted to be with me again, and I knew that I wanted to be with him, but I was terrified. I couldn't really understand why, though. It might have been because I would have to admit that I was wrong, and pray that he would forgive me for walking away from him. It might have been because of the reactions we would both have when we saw each other again. I knew that I would be beyond happy, but what would he do?

What the hell was I thinking? I was going to worry myself to death. Max, one of Kris' best friends, had told me that he was basically depressed the whole time we had spent apart. Of course, I felt like absolute shit for causing him to be like that, but at the same time, it let me know that he missed me.

So why was I so scared?

Maybe, I wasn't scared. Maybe, I was just hoping that he would be the one to fix things, not me. But that was stupid. I was the one who avoided him at all costs, not the other way around. I had to be the one to make this right.

But I had a track record of stubborn. And I knew that because I was so stubborn, I would have an extremely hard time being the one to apologize and tell him that I still loved him first.

My mind was just doing circles at full speed, not willing to let up anytime soon. And I felt a little sick and slightly torn apart.

I heard someone open the bathroom door and choose a stall. I wiped my eyes as I picked myself up off the floor, unlocking the door and heading to the sink. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, shaking my head. I turned the water on, making sure it was as cold as I could get it before I splashed some of it on my face a few times. I didn't look any better, nor did I feel any better.

Figuring that I should probably go back out there so Alexa doesn't blow up from me being MIA, I turned the water off and pulled a few paper towels. I wiped my face off as best I could then threw them away. I gave the mirror a smile and realized that nobody would even suspect that I was in the bathroom crying my eyes out for ten minutes. And nobody did.

I walked back out and saw Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Christensen cutting the cake. I stood off to the side, out of the way, and smiled as I watched them feed each other cake, smiling and giving each other a kiss after. I hoped that if I ever got married, that my wedding would be just as perfect and beautiful as theirs was.