Unlucky in Love

“Isabel, this way!” I called after we got our bags.

The weekend had been uneventful. We didn’t have the sister-time bonding I was hoping to have, and we were basically stuck inside the whole time. If she had been acting like this a year and a half ago, it would’ve been normal, nothing to worry about.

Now I was a mom, and I had an irrational urge to baby her because she didn’t have a mother.

I didn’t either, but I didn’t need one. I had Emma to take care of…and now Isabel. I mean, why should she suffer for having a shitty mother who already screwed up with the first one?

If it weren’t for me, Isabel probably would’ve been fine.

If it weren’t for Isabel, Andrea probably would’ve killed herself by my sixteenth birthday.

The day they brought Isabel home from the hospital was the day everything changed. I wasn't Daddy’s Princess anymore—I wasn’t the center of attention. I get that most people have their kids within a few years of each other, and that the older kids are ignored…but I was eleven by the time I had a sibling. I was used to being the baby…I was the princess.

But then it was about Isabel.

Isabel was just so smart for her age. She was sweet and adorable—the only blonde in the entire family. She was my parents’ pride and joy.

Shortly after the announcement of my engagement, I understood why that was.

I understood why Isabel was the new favorite.

She was the do-over.

All that should’ve mattered was the fact that Andrea and Ashton had two beautiful, healthy daughters.

Yet, it wasn’t enough.

Not enough for Andrea, at least.

“Isabel!”

Isabel caught up to me and we waited on the curb for Dominic to pull up. He came by about ten minutes later, and he got out and loaded our bags into the trunk. Dominic came around, kissed me quickly, and then held the door open for Isabel.

She got in without a word, and then shut it behind her.

I sighed, and then shrugged when Dominic gave me a questioning look. We got into the car, and he pulled out and started down the road.

Nothing was said on the drive home. It was obvious she didn’t want to talk. Maybe I should’ve just let her go to the summer program so she could be with her friends.

When we got home, I got Isabel set up in her room and she went to sleep shortly after.

“I’m going to go get Emma, okay?” Dominic told me. I nodded and sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives” was on Food Network, and I yawned and felt like dozing off. It was after ten o’clock at night, and I hadn’t eaten all day, so this show was making my stomach growl irritably.

I got up and looked around in the fridge, trying to find food. The puppies had been released from the cage, and—fortunately—they were all fairly easy to potty train, so I didn’t have to worry about messes everywhere. Blondie and two of the other girls were trying to steal the last bit of dog food from the bowl.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed teriyaki bowl from the freezer and stabbed it a few times, and then stuck it in the microwave. It was done a few minutes later, and I took it and went to watch TV and eat.

Dominic came back about ten minutes later, and Emma was totally passed out.

Well, if my sister wanted nothing to do with me, at least I had a husband and baby who did.

* * *

“Does she always do that?”

I bit my lip to keep from retorting. The whole morning she’s been complaining—and now she was bringing Emma into it.

And that just was not going to work.

“Isabel, she’s nine months old. She’s just trying to figure out how things work.”

“But does she have to make a mess? Why can’t you feed her?”

I sighed. “Because this is how they learn—I need to let her do this sometimes so she’ll feel confident when she’s old enough to actually feed herself.”

Isabel rolled her eyes and flipped her long blonde hair back in a prissy way. “It’s just disgusting.” She muttered.

I set down my fork and glared at her until she met my eyes. “Isabel, go to your room.”

She scoffed. “You’re not the boss of me,” she argued.

“When you’re in my house, I am.”

“One, this is Mom’s house. Two, I’m not going, Ember. You’re just my sister.”

“Isabel, just go.”

She pushed her plate away and stared at me. “Tell me, how does it feel knowing you were the reason Mom decided she didn’t want to live anymore?”

“Isabel, go!” I hissed, trying to keep my voice calm but not quite succeeding.

“You were the screw up, Ember. She killed herself because of your decision to have this drooling little monster over here. She died because you cared more about yourself than her, your own mother.”

“Go!” I screamed, rage flaring out of every nerve ending in my body.

She didn’t move. “Because of you, I don’t have anyone. You ruined my life, Ember, and I’ll never stop hating you for it.”

“Isabel, go to your room.” I heard Dominic say. He came around the corner from where his office was.

He probably heard the whole thing.

“I’m having a conversation with my sister.”

“You’re tormenting my wife.” He corrected her. “Go upstairs now, Isabel. You don’t have a say in this.”

Realizing he was serious, she got up, loudly scraping the chair against the hardwood floor, and went up the stairs.

Emma crying made me realize I was crying too, and she was just reacting from it. “Can you clean her up, please?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he said, and then took Emma out of her high chair and took her into the downstairs bathroom.

I got up and cleared the breakfast dishes from the dining room table and cleaned off the banana puree that Emma had splattered all over her high chair. Once everything was clean, I sat back down at the dining room table, and thought once again about the day I found out.

…Flashback…

“What about my mom?” I asked, all thoughts swarming to Andrea instead of my psychotic breakdown.

It couldn’t be what I was thinking.

There was no way.

Tonight was Prom—tonight was the night I was looking forward to more than anything. It wasn’t possible that she…

“Em, she…she died.” He took my hand in his. “Your dad wants you to come over—to talk to you.”

“No—I-I can’t do it,” I whispered. “Just leave me alone, please.”

“Em—”

“Please,” I said with more force.

I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t confused.

I knew that somehow this was my entire fault. I knew Andrea had done this to herself in spite of me. And I would have to die knowing I caused her so much pain that she ended her life.

…Back to Present…

“Muh!” I heard Emma’s voice whine.

I looked over to see Dominic holding Emma, and Emma straining to have me pick her up. I held my hands open, and she tried to say “mom” again. A smile formed as I clutched her to my chest.

It didn’t matter what I thought then. Andrea must have been a lot more screwed up than anyone thought to want to lose this—to want to give up time with her children.

Her suicide wasn’t my fault.

It was Andrea’s…because she couldn’t let me go.