Over and Done

I wouldn’t say things are normal. No, I wouldn’t say that at all. Because they are like the total opposite of normal. But in a good way.

And I guess what I want more than anything is for everything to stay the way it is. I want to freeze time right here, when we’re the happiest. I want life to be like it is in the pictures my best friend takes. Everyone will be laughing and drinking and having a good time, the lighting will be great, we’ll all be beautiful. I want that forever. And ever and ever.

Every moment that passes is another moment in which I’m holding my breath, just waiting for it all to collapse in on itself. Where is the catch? The complication, the problem. I know it’s there somewhere; it has to be. The chaos usually comes suddenly and readily. It doesn’t usually lie in wait.
--

“Yeh pussy, dude, yeh flinchin like a girl,” Oli teased.

“Aw, piss off, yeh sod,” Tom responded. “She’s stabbin me with a buncha tiny needles. What’d yeh expect me to do? Giggle?”

“Real men don’t giggle,” Katie said. “Just toughen up, you pansy.”

“I don’t need yeh sidin with Oli,” Tom turned his head to Katie, but I didn’t see their exchange.

“Leave im alone,” Evie said humorlessly, petting Tom’s arm. She was in an exceptionally unpleasant mood; she wasn’t exactly fond of Katie or Oli.

“I’m not leavin anyone alone,” Oli issued.

I paused my work for a moment. “Ow about yeh all leave ME alone and yeh shut yeh fuckin gobs.”

“Oooh, touchy.” Katie laughed.

“Well yeah, I’m already bloody nervous, and ere yeh all are, breathing down my neck and yammering away.”

James, my recently instilled mentor, put a hand on my arm. “Relax, newbie.”

“Aye, Sav, we jus wanna see yeh tattoo Tommy,” Oli said. “First time, innit.”

“I know,” I nodded. “But I’d be able to relax ef yeh all left.”

“Aw come on, Anna.” Katie gave me the pouty puppy face, but it did no good.

“Sorry.” I frowned and shrugged. Sweat was forming across my brows.

“Alright, fine,” Katie agreed, hanging in the doorway. “But I’m coming back after I smoke a cigarette.”

“Okay.”

“Ef yeh insist.” Oli swooped down and kissed my cheek. “Let’s go Evelyn.”

Evie glared at him, her usually sweet face worn with slight annoyance. “I wasn’t the one talkin so I don’t gotta leave, right Anna?” She looked at me, playing sympathetic.

I didn’t have to say anything because Tom dropped in. “Jus give er a minute, Evie. Let er breathe.”

Evie huffed an irritated sigh, but went wordlessly out of the room along with Oli and Katie. James stayed to watch over me.

I went back to Tom’s arm, taking a deep breath, carefully wiping ink away and stepping on the pedal. I was working on his forearm, where I had nearly finished the outline of a lily. This lily matched the ones on my own arm. We’d all agreed this would be a good tattoo for me to do. James thought it was easy enough for me not to mess up and Tom thought it was meaningful enough to put on his skin. He’d excitedly volunteered to be my first.

“Ow’s it look? Tom asked, not moving, unable to get a good view of his arm.

“Umm…” I gnawed my lip.

“She’s doin pretty damn well, I’d say,” James said with an almost proud look about him.

I paused again and looked to James. “Really?”

“Absolutely.”

I grinned, very pleased with myself, and went back to working. I was surprised to find that I was quite enjoying the process. It was very much like sitting down with my sketchpad; it required thoughtfulness and concentration, but wasn’t actually difficult for me. Granted, I was still nervous and my hand was numb from the vibrations of the tattoo gun, but it made me incredibly happy to be trying it out on a real person finally.

It was January already and I’d been acting as shop bitch at James’ place since September. I’d paid my dues, as it was. I’d spent most of this time working very hard at my artistic endeavors and blowing off my law coursework.

It was foolish and wasteful of me to still be in school at all, as I knew I’d never be a solicitor. Everyone knew, with the exception of my parents who I rarely spoke to anyway. They’d find out eventually, like maybe when I didn’t intern with my father in the summer.

But it mattered very little to me. Because things were pretty good for me. There were several factors to this goodness, only one of them being the beginning of my work in tattoos. The other two factors were thus, Tom and Oli.

It would not be easy to classify exactly what was going on with Oli and me. but the best I could say is that the arrangement was very similar to the one we had years pervious. We spent a good deal of time together, much of that time being intimate. He always formed it necessary to touch me whenever possible, whether it was holding my hand or pinching my bum. We were quite affectionate in our actions together. However, like before, there was the matter of our exact status. There had been no discussion on the topic of girlfrienddom. And I consistently got the impression that this was intentional. He was remaining quiet on the subject for a reason. And besides, I was very happy with our arrangement. It was so much fun being quasi-with Oli, while still getting to be friends with Tom.

Tom visited Birmingham as much as Oli did, though not always on the same days. I would come home from class to find Tom and Katie already thoroughly baked, in the living room, listening to Wu Tang Clan. Tom and Katie were an interesting pair, spending more time together than I’m sure Evie knew about. Evie didn’t come to Birmingham much, only if someone drove down, because she claimed that the train made her ill. She and Tom were still in a bit of a deadlock over whether he would be moving in with her when his lease was up in March. But no one talked about it much, as it just made Tom irritable.

--

“I’m next,” Oli announced, with a beer in hand. We’d gone to the bar where I worked for a few celebratory drinks. It was pretty dead for a Saturday, but it wasn’t even ten o clock yet. “Ef Tommy gets to be the first to get tattooed by yeh, then I’m second.”

“No way,” Katie said, leaning against the table. “I already called second like two weeks ago.”

“Yeh can’t call it. ‘S not fair.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you think is fair.” Katie smiled and clicked her drink against his, a sign of piece.

“Yeh friend’s a cunt, Sav,” Oli spoke loudly into my ear and I just gave him a pointed smile, before turning back to Tom, who was seated on the side of me that Oli wasn’t.

“Fuck you man.” Katie played the game well. She knew exactly how to deal with Oliver and I could appreciate that.

“Yeh see what I mean,” Oli said. “Total cunt.”

Katie scooped an ice cube from her drink and flicked it at Oli. “Asshole.”

Evie, who was tucked under Tom’s arm, sneered. “Yeh lot argue as sport.”

Katie turned to her with a look of contempt and countered her comment with “So?” With this, Katie stood up and headed towards the bar.

Evie admitted a quick defeat and shrugged Tom’s off of her shoulder. She didn’t like being put on the spot. I couldn’t blame her. I even sympathized with her some. Somehow she’d found her way into our group of friends, and it was not always an easy group to be a part of. We were hopeless fuck ups, somehow brushed with a hint of success. We got lucky. And then we became a fiercely loyal lot. And it seemed that Katie had adjusted to this whole situation much better than Evie ever had.

It was then that a thought came to mind. Katie would have made a much better girlfriend for my best friend Tom than Evelyn. It was just a passing thought, hopeful and unique. I hadn’t ever considered playing matchmaker for Tom and I never would follow through with such a consideration. That seemed a bit complicated. But if I had any say in the matter, I would pick a girl like Katie for him. Not a girl like Evie.

But maybe Tom liked her for this reason. She wasn’t one of us and she wasn’t a part of the group. Maybe Evie helped him keep his distance from us. From me.

It didn’t matter. Evie just rolled her eyes and turned to look at Tom, who gave her a quick kiss. I knew this to be the sort of kiss he gave her when he didn’t know what to say. It seemed that this action occurred more and more frequently, as Tom was trying to be as patient with her as possible. I knew it was bound to wear him too thing. He would run out of excuses to deal with this behavior.

“Yeh need another?” Oli pointed at my beer with the hand that wasn’t resting on my knee.

“Hmm. No, not right now.”

Oli stood up shortly thereafter and announced that he had to relieve himself in addition to needed another drink. I just clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and watched him go. I loved to watch him stagger around, stupid as he looked doing it. It distinctly reminded me of the first night in which we had bonded. The night that had ignited a fight that had started something bigger. When Oli acted careless and carefree, I was reminded of why I liked him so much in the first place. He’d always represented freedom and adventure—things that were so hard for me to cope with. Daring and dangerous things. And maybe I loved this part of him because it was still the part of me that I struggled with. Sometimes he could make things look so easy and simple, even when I knew they weren’t. Things were rarely ever easy and simple, even for the great Oli Sykes.

And so, this illusion of liberty faltered occasionally and he became a real person, scared and cynical. I just hadn’t seen that a lot lately. He was so good at keeping up appearances and making everyone happy. He had a remarkable talent for always being the life of the party, and I’d always loved that. I’d always wanted to be that way.

“Can I ask you a question real quick?” Tom said, leaning into me, speaking so that it was just the two of us that could hear.

“Absolutely not,” I said with a grin to let him know that I was only kidding and then I urged him to continue with a careful shoulder bump.

“Are yeh happy right now?”

“What’d’yeh mean am I happy?”

“Like right this very minute, are yeh happy?”

I smiled. “Yeah, I’m happy.”

“Okay, good.”

I put my head on his shoulder for just a moment, a gesture I’d done a million times before. It was nothing too terribly affectionate. Something so simple that you wouldn’t think it offensive. But the struggling brunette at Tom’s side seemed to disagree. Evie cleared her throat rather loudly, or at the very least loud enough for me to hear and interpret. It was a sign of her surprising disapproval.

I’d only recently noticed the glaring venom coming from Evie. I was certain that we used to get along rather well. She and I were never good friends; she didn’t exactly fit into my friend mold. She was humorless; she didn’t laugh when one of the boys did something ridiculous. She only ever rolled her eyes. And that had always bothered me. Or maybe I was getting a little weary of her. I hated to say it, but Tom’s girlfriend was becoming intolerable with all her scoffing and throat clearing.

She tugged at the sleeve of his shirt. “When are we leaving?”

Tom turned to her, a look almost like disbelief crossing his face. “It’s not even ten.”

“It takes two hours to get home.”

“Well I thought we’d crash at Anna’s…” He looked back to me and I gave him a nod, as I had assumed the same thing. “I’ve already had three drinks anyway.”

“I can drive.”

“Oh, uh, I guess ef yeh want to go…” Tom didn’t have the will power to stand up to her. I could see his face, and I just knew. I wondered if she could read his expressions even half as well as I could. They’d been on and off for the better part of a year and a half, and she still seemed utterly unperceptive about Tom’s nuances. At least coming from me, she did. “Can I at least ‘ve a drink or two more?” It was like he was asking permission.

“Yeah.”

Tom had shifted closer to her than before, away from me, and when we made eye contact it was like he was apologizing. He didn’t really have to say anything to me. He began talking to her in a hushed tone, not meant for me. I hoped this whispering involved him putting her in her place. But I really doubted that.

I shrugged and turned to find Katie. She was chatting up my coworker Alex, who seemed to be keeping up pretty well with her flirtation. Katie, who was prone to indiscriminant hook ups, would have a good night. She caught my eye only very briefly and I gave her discrete thumbs up.

I must have been paying too much attention to Katie, because seemingly out of nowhere, Evie shot out of her seat and threw an angry groan at Tom. Their whispering had become talking, which was shortly going to become yelling. “Sometimes yeh’re unbelievable Thomas.”

I knew it was bad when she was using his full name. He immediately stood up to try and subdue her. “Eve, come on, no need to—“

“What? No need to make a scene? All of yeh can make scenes whenever yeh fuckin well please but when I try to say anything—ANYTHING—it’s all ‘yeh bein unreasonable love’.” She started to stomp away. She only made it half way across the room before he caught up to her. Unfortunately their conversation (or argument rather) was drowned out by the music playing. I was quite disappointed by this, as I was very curious about what had just happened.

I watched as Evie flung her arms about dramatically and Tom tried to reach for her. He seemed relatively calm and collected at first. But then she seemed to have said something particularly bad, and he froze. His movements completely halted for at least fifteen seconds before he snapped back at her. This time, I could tell by his face that he was yelling. This is when I got up from my seat. This was also around the time when Oli returned from the toilet. I caught Oli by the arm and pulled his attention to where the couple was fighting.

“What the—“ Oli had barely uttered the sentence when Tom and Evie split in two separate directions—Evie towards the front door and Tom back towards the toilets.

We looked towards each other, identical expressions of disbelief on our faces. We were not sure how to proceed. It took me a moment to process the situation. “Yeh go after Tom. Calm im down,” I told Oli. “I’ll find Evie.”

Oli’s bottom lip curled over his top, his thinking look. “Yeh sure? She’s fuckin scary when she’s angry.”

“I think I can manage.” I smiled at him and shrugged, sliding away and out the front entrance of the building. It wasn’t hard to locate Tom’s disgruntled girlfriend. She was pouting in the street, looking for a taxi I would imagine. “Evie?”

She whipped her head back to me, her mouth forming a deep frown. “What?” She yelled.

“Where are yeh goin?” My intentions were to be as nice as possible. I did not want to start any unnecessary problems.

“I’m goin home.”

“Oh come on, a taxi’ll cost a bloody fortune. Jus come back inside.”

“No.” She was stubborn in a way that I could never be.

“Be reasonable, girl,” I said. Maybe not the smartest thing. “I know yeh angry—“

“Angry? No, this ain’t angry. Frustrated’s more like it.”

“With what?” I thought that if I could show her I didn’t mean any harm, she’d cool her hostility.

“Not what. Who.” She flipped her side swept fringe out of her eyes and though it wasn’t a relevant sort of thing, I thought about how jealous I was of her non-frizzy hair. Mine would never lay as flat as hers.

“Okay, so yeh frustrated with Tom, that’s no reason to—“

“Tom’s only half the problem.”

I really did not like the sound of that. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” She turned back around towards the street. Now, as a generally non-confrontational person, my instincts told me to just go back inside. It probably wasn’t such a good idea to start shit with Tom’s bird, but I was really tired of her bad attitude.

“What the hell is yeh problem?” I said. “Yeh’ve been an absolute bitch all day long.”

“Excuse me? My problem? Don’t be stupid.” The light of the street was enough for me to see the roll of her eyes. “Everyone always buys that ‘poor little Anna’ routine. Well not me.” Her smile was sickeningly sweet.

“What?”

“I don’t get it. Everyone does everything for yeh. They give yeh exactly what yeh want—it’s ridiculous.”

“Wow. I didn’t know yeh felt that way.” I had to admit, my feelings were hurt. I wasn’t used to this kind of bluntness. I was used to being babied. Maybe she was right.

“Oh be real. Yeh knew exactly how I felt. An ef yeh didn’t then yeh blind or dumb or something, because it’s real fuckin obvious what Tom and I’s problem is. Every time it were about yeh, every fight.”

“What? Tom?”

“Yeah, Tom… ‘S like e’s gotta be yeh goddamn hero, come in an save the day an all that.”

“Tom ain’t my—“

“Well then leave im alone for once. Yeh keep draggin im back to yeh. An everyone’s too busy catering to yeh every need to tell yeh to fuck off an leave im be.” This was all sort of surprising. Not the information so much as how it was being delivered: So honestly by Evie. She meant all of this. If I hadn’t been so upset by it, I would have been impressed by her determination. “I swear yeh can’t lift yeh foto without asking Tom ef it’s the right thing.”

“O’reight, so I’m co-dependent. Sorry.”

“But it ain’t jus yeh. Tom bloody is too. I know e’d leave me in a minute ef yeh asked im to.”

“I wouldn’t ask im to.” This was a weak consolation for her.

“’S not the fuckin point. The point’s that yeh come first, before me, before anythin else—an that ain’t fair.”

“Fair?”

“Because yeh’ve Oli… why do yeh need Tom too? Yeh don’t need both.”

She was wrong. I did need them both. Just in different ways. But I didn’t argue any further with her.. Instead, I just wandered away. Unable to fight back. Poor little Anna.