Over and Done

I know there is something more to Evie’s anger, some hidden hurt that I don’t understand. Because we never made enough of an effort to like one another. I always thought she might steal him from me. And I guess she always knew I’d keep him from her. So I don’t know what comes next. We’ll have to make up at some point if Tom keeps her around, and that makes me sick. Because I hate her, and I’ll hate her as long as she thinks she’s better than the grimy gutter girls, with the loud mouths and whiskey breath. Better than me and Katie. But I won’t call her out on this, because I’m scared and pathetic. And because I’d never hurt Tom like that.

I drink myself stupid after I leave Evie standing in front of the bar. I go to another bar that I like and in the Sykes fashion of coping, I order myself round after round. I see a few friends and they don’t ask why I’m alone, even though I’m never alone.

Is that weird? Never being alone… I need perpetual company. I go crazy if I have to sit and think. I make sure Oli or Katie or Tom is around at all times, no matter what. I need them. I’m scared of life by myself. And maybe that’s the problem. I don’t know how to live without someone there for me. Tom always obliges. At any time, if I want him, he would be there. Even if he’s all the way around the world. I’m sure Oli would do the same. Or Katie or Gracie. But Tom is always the easiest to run to.

Evie may have a point. I should stop being so goddamn codependent.
--

“Where the hell have you been?” Katie yelled when I got back to the apartment.

“Didn’t yeh get my text?” I had to hold onto the wall to keep my balance while taking my shoes off.

“Oh yeah… it was real descriptive.” Katie’s sarcasm was evident. The text I’d sent to Katie and Oli read ‘Evie’s a bitch, going for a walk.’

“Where’s Oli? Tom?”

“Passed out.” She pointed into the living room where Tom was asleep in the chair. “Oli’s in your room—they decided to get hammered when they realized neither one of you were coming back.”

“Sounds like them.” I took a step forward and caught my toe on the hall rug, stumbling forward.

“Jesus, you’re drunk too? What the fuck happened with Evie?” Katie looked pretty unhappy with me for disappearing, but I knew she’d be over it by the morning. She didn’t hold grudges and she always approved of drinking sprees.

“Nothin.”

“Bullshit.”

“We exchanged a few words.”

“Uh huh.”

“Did Tom tell yeh why they was fightin?”

“The only thing Tom told anyone was to get another round… Aside from asking where you’d gone.”

“What’d yeh say to im?”

“The same lame ass thing you told me.” Katie snorted. “Going on a walk. Code for Brum pub crawling?”

“I only went to one.” To sit and drink myself stupid. Very mature.

“You had Tom a bit worried though.” Katie found her way into the kitchen, to drink water straight out of the faucet because none of the cups were clean. This was probably because she was too drunk to even consider washing dishes.

“I did?”

“Of course. Then Oli said the magic word and Tom forgot real quick.”

“Magic word?”

“Jagermeister.” “Right.” I was holding the kitchen counter for a little balance and was feeling like sleep would be heaven. “I wanna go to bed.”

“Beware, there’s a boy in that bed.”

I couldn’t help the sucker grin that pulled across my cheeks. It was nice coming home from a really frustrating night to find Oli. I could just curl up beside him, while he snored a little bit. And I wouldn’t think about ‘poor little Anna’, because I’ll have silly snoring Oli to think about. He always made me forget about the complicated stuff, at least for a little while. Even when he was knocked out in a drunken stupor. Until I woke up at least.

“You know,” Katie said as I began walking away.

“What?”

“Those boys are alright.”

“Who? Tom an Oli?”

“Yeah, them.” She looked like we could probably have a conversation about all this. I think after watching the night’s situation, Katie had formed a theory on everything. But we wouldn’t talk about it right then. It wasn’t a good time to be waxing philosophic.

“Good night.”

“Don’t forget to set your alarm.”

“Fuck—“ I’d completely forgot that I had work in the morning. I rubbed my eyelids with the heels of my hands.

“G’night!” She yelled as I crossed back into the hallway.

I peeled off my jacket—the leather one with the Black Flag patch, that I’d stolen from Katie when the weather first got shitty that winter. I hung it on the door knob before I reached up to tug my lace tights down and off my legs. Naturally, I stumbled a little more.

“Ohhh,” Oli sounded his approval of my sleepy stripping.

“Yeh still awake?” I turned to look at him.

“Well yeh were off on a ‘walk’… Thought maybe I’d need to come find yeh eventually.”

“Yeh didn’t need to do that.”

“Yes I did. Yeh number one passed out on the job,” he said referring to Tom, as if he had no problem with the fact that this implied his status as number two.

“Thanks.” I climbed into my bed beside him and tried to get comfortable. But I knew I’d feel ill-at-ease no matter what. “Tom’s okay, right?”

“Well, aside from getting into a fight with his bird and bein blindingly drunk, yeah e’s fine. For now.”

“Damn.”

“E’ll be fine. The two o’ em argue every day—they o’ways get over it.”

--

Two hours later and I couldn’t sleep. Even after Oli had gone to bed and stopped talking, I was lying there wide awake. I was still thinking about Tom and Evie. I remembered that last I checked he was passed out in the chair. Easing myself out of bed, careful not to wake Oliver, I decided to get a blanket and pillow for Tom. If I was awake, I might as well be doing something useful. And though I doubted he would even notice whether he had a blanket or not, I always felt better knowing he was taken care of.

I realized that I was still marginally drunk when I nearly tripped over the hallway rug for a second time that night. But I was quite good at catching myself before an embarrassing fall. Usually.

I picked up a pillow and fleece blanket from the closet near the kitchen, and tucked them under my arm. But when I went to the living room, I found that the television was on and Tom was sitting up on the couch. He had a glass of water in his hand that he was slowly sipping from.

“Yeh’re awake?” I asked, surprised. “Yeh were dead unconscious two hours ago.”

“I woke up and I’m still fuckin hammered.”

“’S probably a good thing,” I said.

He visibly cringed. “Yeh right, definitely a good thing.” He crossed his eyes and frowned.

“I’m afraid I didn’ make things any better when I went after er.” I admitted this freely. He’d find out eventually.

“Why’d yeh go after er anyway?”

“Because I thought there was still a chance I could get her to like me.”

“No luck on that?” He was playful, wry and feeling cynical. “Don’t understand ow anyone could dislike yeh…”

“That’s sweet, thanks.” I sat down beside him on the sofa and the two of us stared at the TV for awhile. There was an infomercial on, advertising some allegedly high tech kitchen gadget that no one really needed. I wondered how many hours we’d wasted over a decade just watching television and saying nothing. Definitely more than we could count on our fingers and toes. It’d always been nice having someone to waste my time with. I guess I imagined us sitting in an old age home someday doing the same thing. Just us on the couch, maybe watching the weather channel. I had the distinct impression that unless Evie got herself sorted, she wouldn’t be making it with us any farther than the next week, let alone to the senior citizen years. She needed to accept me as a part of Tom’s life or there was little hope for her.

Maybe it was selfish of me to think as much, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t true.

“So there’s no hope then?” He asked.

“For what?”

“For yeh an Evie to get along.”

“I’m not the one yeh gotta ask. Yeh know I’ve no problem with er ef she makes yeh happy. ‘S only when she causes trouble that I get frustrated.”

He leaned his head back, closed his eyes and let out a long breath of air. “Damn.”

I had to simply pat his shoulder and remain silent. Because even if he was my best mate, sometimes I didn’t know what to say. And what would I have said? Something about how I was the reason she didn’t trust him like she should? That I was the reason they fought? No. None of that would be good. Because he knew it already. He was well aware of the situation. And that was part of the tension that had been growing between us. I was a roadblock in his life. The hurdle people had to jump to get to him. A bar that set the standard too high.

I knew there was more to the Evie/Tom saga than just me, but it was hard to figure out what it was when I was so absorbed in my involvement. I wanted to talk to her, yell at her, tell her how completely daft she was. But the likelihood of her listening was slim to none. I had to wait for her to approach me. That would be the only way.

“Can I tell yeh somethin?” Tom said, reopening his eyes. “An yeh can’t judge me.”

“Yeh know I don’t ever judge yeh… Cause I’ve too much yeh could be judging me for.” I stuck my tongue out at him. “But really, what is it?”

“I kissed Katie.”

I blinked my eyes and twitched my nose. “What? When?”

“A few weeks ago—it were an accident.”

“Where was I?”

“Yeh was at work an we was jus sitting ere an she’s really cool.” He looked embarrassed and slightly ashamed.

“So yeh cheated on Evie?”

“Yeah, I guess. But… Katie an I, we talked it over an agreed it were nothin.”

“Very mature.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about this, though I knew there was nothing I could say in regards to cheating, as I’d had my own lapse in judgement over the summer. “So was it actually nothing?”

“It’s gotta be—‘cause of Evie.”

“An ef Evie weren’t around?”

“It wouldn’t be nothin,” he admitted.

It was sort of funny to me thinking about Tom’s personal life. I never really considered his complications because I was so wrapped up in my own. I’d never claimed that I wasn’t self-absorbed.

I stayed seated next to him for a little while longer, until I noticed that he’d fallen back asleep. I pulled his legs onto the sofa after I stood and made sure he was covered with the blanket. And for the first time in a long time, he was the one with the unsolved problems at night. It was a worrisome thing and I knew how he’d felt watching out for me for so long.

When I went back to my room and examined a sleeping Oli, I felt like my concerns about us were silly and frivolous. Did I really need to be officially his ‘girlfriend’? No, not really. But I wanted it. Bad. Maybe because sometimes I worried that he still thought of me as his ‘little brother’s mate’, as he’d once said.

Despite my racing brain, tiredness finally set in and I could close my eyes.

--

“Shit—fuck, wake up Sav.”

“Huh?”

“It’s ten fifteen.”

“What!?”

“Get up.”

“Fuck, where’s my phone?” I scrambled up and out of bed, tanging my legs in the sheets and catching my elbow on the night stand. “Damn.”

“Didn’t yeh set yeh alarm?”

“I thought I did.” That was a lie. Despite Katie’s reminder, I’d totally blanked on this task. I’d been absorbed in other things. “Can yeh give me a ride?” I hissed.

“Well I suppose ef yeh ask nicely…”

I rolled my eyes. “Get dressed,” I commanded.

“Yes ma’am.”

My shift at the library started at ten and this was the first time I’d been late in several months, luckily. The library job was in addition to my pub job, as well as the tattoo shop. It made for a busy schedule, but I’d take it over an office job in law any day.

I was pulling on my second boot when I stumbled into the living room. Tom was drooling on the pillow I’d given him in the middle of the night. I tried my best to be quiet and let him sleep, but Oli came trapsing out of the hallway loud as ever. “Get yeh arse moving,” he called and promptly slapped my bum, illiciting an involuntary shriek from me.

“Oliver!” I scolded, looking to the sofa where Tom was sitting up. I turned back to Oli and punched his arm as hard as I could. “Yeh woke yeh brother up.”

“Sorry Mum,” Oli said.

“What time is it?” A groggy Tom said.

To which I promptly yelled “Fuck” and jetted for the door.

“She’s late,” Oli declared and followed me outside.

His car was an obnoxiously large SUV with black tinted windows and a stereosystem that nearly blasted my eardrums every time he turned the volume up higher than two. He didn’t drive fast when I was in the car, though I got the impression that he probably did when I wasn’t. He knew better than to take any chances. I trusted him, but still felt weary about past experiences. I really needed to get some Xanax or something.

We pulled up in front of the library at 10:35. The tires of Oli’s truck squaled as he grinded on the brakes. I pulled my purse up over my shoulder and made to exit the car. “Oy, hold up,” Oli grabbed my arm.

“I’m late, love.”

“Can I get a thank yeh kiss?” He grinned.

I went in for a quick peck, but he took my face in between both his hands and distracted me from my purpose. After a moment, I bit his lip and pulled back. “Wanker,” I said with a smile before rushing out onto the sidewalk.

My boss Ellen was standing outside the entrance door, smoking a cigarette. She was in her mid-thirties, with red hair and thick brown framed glasses. “Yeh late Anna.”

“I’m so sorry Ellen—I forgot my alarm an it were a weird night last—“

“’S that yeh boyfriend?” She asked, pointing to Oli speeding away.

“Who?”

“The bloke who dropped yeh off.”

“Oli?”

“E yeh boyfriend?”

“Oh, uh… not exactly.” I frowned. It was a sore subject, the boyfriend thing.

Ellen just shook her head. “When’d yeh life get so interesting, dolly?”

“What’d yeh mean?”

“I mean yeh claim a weird night, suspicious lookin fellow drops yeh off and there’s some random lass in there waiting to talk to yeh.”

“What? A lass?”

“Maybe yeh’d better take the day off.”

“Oh no, I can stay!” I was very concerned that I was being fired. “I’m sorry I’m late, honest. I jus—“

“Calm down, Anna. Yeh my best employee… And I can see yeh’ve got some shit goin down right now. So, I’ll see yeh tomorrow.” She gave me a pat on the shoulder. “An take the cryin girl with yeh.”

“Cryin girl?”

Ellen motioned inside and my mouth was frozen in disbelief. I was very curious as to what the hell was going on. Proceeding with caution, I entered the building and headed for the circulation desk, my desk. Seated at my station was the very same blonde haired bird that had made my previous night so complicated.

“Evie?”

“Anna, hi.” She looked tired, worn with dirty hair and the same clothes she’d been wearing the day before.

“What the hell are yeh doin ere?”

“Can we talk?”