Velma Hopkins: Phenomenal Woman

“Name?” the man asked gruffly. His large nose almost hid the Charlie Chaplin mustache he was trying to grow.
“Velma Hopkins,” the woman replied.
“Not on the list,” Charlie Chaplin said.
Velma tried to smile seductively but came out half constipated and only made the man feel the need to vomit. She fluttered her eyelashes.
Desperate, the man nodded and let her through. She took this as an accomplishment and blew him a kiss and smacked his behind before walking inside.
‘Now, down to business,” she thought as her eyes scanned the scene. People were laughing and children were walking around. Then she saw the bride and groom, Mr. and Mrs. Bright in the corner.
Mrs. Genevieve Moreau-Bright was an extraordinarily beautiful French woman, especially in the flowing white wedding dress she wore. She had a big bust any man would die for and the curves to match. Her hair was blonde and wavy and her eyes were bright blue, which reminded most of the ocean. Her teeth were straight and she was tall. She could have been wearing the most unflattering scuba suit and still would’ve been as radiant.
Velma, on the other hand, was as attractive as an elephant with rabies, with a unibrow and buck teeth.
She snorted at the loving expression on Dylan Bright’s face.
‘He’s under her spell,’ Velma convinced herself.
She pretended to act like an ordinary guest and proceeded to sneak glances at the newlyweds’ table.
“That woman is quite strange,” one lady whispered to her friend and then said louder, “Must be from the bride’s side.”
Velma heard the last part and held her head up higher and held a grin on her face. She winked at a few men, whose faces visibly blanched.
“Hey lady,” a few rebellious teens snickered. “Who put a spell on you?”
His friends guffawed at the ridiculously stupid joke and proceeded to slap the redhead on his back in approval.
“Excuse me,” an old man said. “Are you Miss Julian?”
“Oh, Hugh,” a woman Velma presumed his wife said, “Victoria is far prettier than that, even though she does look like a raccoon.”
Velma huffed and turned her head, assuming the woman was jealous, and carried on her path of destruction. The pool table green dress she wore revealed her unshaven legs and liver-spotted knees and children pushed their plates away. One even ran to a plant and chucked up his guts. Velma took no notice of this and stopped before Dylan and Genevieve Bright. She sat on the table, trying her best to make him yearn for her.
Dylan, on the other hand, gagged almost visibly.
“Hello, Dylan,” Velma said, flipping her hair dramatically. “Long time no see, hmm?”
She tried to sneak a peak at his crotch, which, to Velma’s great disappointment, was covered by the tablecloth.
“Excuse me,” Genevieve said. “Are you not Velma Hopkins?”
Velma smiled her sneer of a smile. “Why, yes. Yes I am. Have you heard about me?”
“Hmm,” Mrs. Bright murmured distastefully, “Like that time you followed Dylan for three months. And the time you tried to corner him in the men’s bathroom?”
“It takes skill,” Velma said dryly. She turned to Dylan. “Have you missed me, darling?”
“I can’t deal with this…”Genevieve muttered before getting up, unknowing that she’d left Dylan in a pool of sharks. Velma took the free seat.
“So,” she said, feeling up Dylan’s thigh, “What have you been doing with her and not me?”
“U-uh, V-Velma,” his voice rose a pitch. “I don’t think you should be d-doing this. I- I’m married.”
Velma growled unattractively.
“Come on, Dylan,” she said, failing at being persuasive. Suddenly strong arms grabbed a hold of her. Charlie Chaplin removes her from her seat. Behind him stood Genevieve, a scowl on her face and arms crossed.
“You,” he muttered. “You feelin’ lucky, punk?”
Velma huffed but winked at Dylan, whose face turned green at the sight.
“I’ll be back, babe, believe that.”
The rough pavement met Velma’s behind and she let out an aggravated noise.
“I’ll find you!” she yelled at Charlie Chaplin. He waved her off.
“And I’ll get you, Dylan,” she grinned, revealing bright pink lipstick on yellow, crooked teeth. “I’ll find a way.”
And believe when she says so, Velma Hopkins finds a way.