Perfection

Gerard’s pov

As I sat in my apartment I stared at the blank page in front of me. My art classes had been taking up all my time and that I was happy about. I didn’t want to have time for my mind to wonder to Frank like it always does when I have free time. I need things to distract me almost all the time.

I smiled to myself as I finally put my pencil to the paper and began to draw the idea that had come into my head. Abstract, I needed to just let my feeling out in a colorful jumbled mess of nothing. I needed the venting that I was about to express on paper.

As I drew the smile stayed on my face. I thought of colors that this could become and of new swirls and lines I could put into it. I just drew and it felt amazing. I lost myself in my art until there was a knock at my door. I put my pencil down on the table and slowly made my way to the door and pulled it open.

I froze as my eyes stopped on the person behind my door. Mrs. Iero was standing in front of me and I could feel my heart drop into my stomach.

I steeped aside and gestured for Mrs. Iero to come into my apartment before shutting the door. When I turned back to look at her all I could do was stair. I didn’t know what to say.

As I looked at her she almost seemed uncomfortable and it hit me, this has to be bad.

“Please tell me he’s okay. You have to tell me something good Mrs. Iero.” My eyes had welled up with tears and my breathing got short and fast. She could not tell me that my Frankie is worse. I don’t think I could take it. I need him to get better.

“Calm down. He’s fine. Gerard please just breathe!” Mrs. Iero exclaimed. I looked up at her with pleading eyes, She needed to tell my why she was here.

“Is this a therapy thing? Are you going to tell me Frankie figured out I was bad for him or something? Is he breaking up with me?” I squeaked in an oddly high pitched voice. I sounded more like a squeaky girl then a guy at that point.

“NO! Gerard please calm down. His therapist wants you to come to a session. He does not want to break up with you; he talks about you every single day. Asks her every day when he can finally see you again.” Mrs. Iero told me as she stepped closer and put her hand on my shoulder. I’m pretty sure I was having a panic attack, but as I let what she had just said set in I started to calm down. I was going to see my Frankie.

“I get to see him?” I asked shyly as I looked up at Mrs. Iero with a huge smile. She smiled at me and nodded her head.

“He’s gained a lot of weight and is eating normally again. Oh and he’s really starting to understand why he started doing this. Frank and the therapist will be talking about it with you. Can you go tomorrow? I mean you don’t have to but I can see that you really want to see him and I want Frank to see you. He misses you so much Gerard.” The smile on my face just grew and grew until I felt like my face was going to rip.

“Yes of course I can!” I asked excitedly. Oh my god I was actually going to see Frankie. Healthy Frankie, this is awesome.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow about four. This is a surprise though. Frank doesn’t know your coming.”

-At the therapist-

Mrs. Iero had led me into some room and told me to take a seat and wait for Frank’s therapist. She needed to talk to me before hand or something. I simply agreed because in my mind all I could think about was finally seeing my boyfriend!

There is a bit of back story that goes along with what’s wrong with Frankie. He’s a very self-conscious person. Always has been but it got a lot worse when we started dating. Before we were best friends. Like BFF, sharing secrets and all that jazz. But one of my secrets was having feelings for him more then I should…and I told him and we got together. Things were a bit weird because he wanted to go way faster then I was used to. I’d always taken things very slowly with anyone I’d dated and I didn’t want him going down on me like he wanted to do. Even weirder it was always that he wanted to do sexual things to me he really never wanted me to do anything to him.

Yeah that wasn’t good. He started all this ‘I thought you liked me’ and ‘what am I not good enough for you’ shit with me. I thought he was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. I still do. I’m in love with him and I think I just tried to tell him that at first. It was hard because I didn’t understand why he was pressing the sexual stuff with me. He started loosing weight and saying that he was looking better for me. I don’t know. It all just spiraled down hill from there until Frank passed out during a class. He was brought to the hospital and that’s were we actually found out about his eating disorder.

Frank’s mom and I both freaked. Not mad but scared because we both love him and just wants what’s best for him. Frank’s mom more since yeah that’s her only son. That’s what brings us here. From the hospital Frank immediately went to a treatment center that specializes in eating disorders. Mrs. Iero calls and gives me updates on Frank and that’s why I freaked yesterday. I mean she probably just wanted to see my reaction when she told me I could see my Frankie.

By the time my little mind rant was over the therapist was in the room along with Mrs. Iero and they were talking about….I don’t know stuff. It wasn’t about Frank because I listened for like a minute, I think it was about Ikea. Whatever.

So I actually started paying attention again when Frank’s therapist called my name. I smiled at her and gave a little wave.

“Hi” I said still smiling. Can I just see my boyfriend now? I’ve been all excited and twitchy since yesterday and I know he is somewhere in this building! I thought to myself…I didn’t actually say that, it would have been rude.

“Hello Gerard, Frank has told me a lot about you.” My smile got even bigger. Oh I was so excited! “So this is actually a surprise. Mrs. Iero thought Frank would freak and obsess about his hair if we told him.” The therapist told me with a smile. “So I need to go talk to him first and I’ll come back in for you okay?”

“Yeah sure” I said with a gigantic smile.

Frank’s pov

I sat on the fuzzy green chair in Miss Kline’s office as I waited for her to come in for the session. We’d talked a lot about my Gerard yesterday so I was hoping for another session like that. I loved talking about him because I missed him so much.

When she arrived she sat herself down behind her desk and smiled at me.

“So Frank, I’d like to again talk to you about Gerard.” I could tell that my face lit up as I smiled at her. “Now you’ve been saying from the time you’ve gotten here that you miss him and want to see him. You do feel ready to see him, yes?” She asked me as she shuffled threw a bunch of papers that were covering her desk.

“I’d like to think I am. I know when I got here I kept going on and on about seeing him but I’m not sure if I was ready. I mean I still had issues that hadn’t been brought up. I now understand why I acted how I did and I just need to see him and tell him I’m sorry for putting him threw all that I did. I feel bad the way I treated him. I used to call him a liar and yell in his face and he just took it all and told me he loved me. I just want him to tell me he loves me again.” My eyes were tearing up and Miss Kline automatically pushed the tissue box closer to me. I pulled on out of the box and whipped my teary eyes.

“You seem so understanding of what your going threw Frank. You’ve made such good progress. I think your ready to see him….uhm could you just wait here for a minute I left your file in the cabinet and I’d like to write some of this down.” I smiled and nodded as I tossed the tissue into the bin next to her desk. She got up and left to go get my file and I just smiled to myself. She’d said I was ready to see Gerard. I was so happy, I may actually get to see him soon!

And as I waited for Miss Kline to come back into the room I heard someone walking down the hall and I could hear their clunky boots as they shuffled there feet. I stood myself up out of the comfy green chair and just looked at the closed door. I knew it was Gerard that was going to come walking in. Or at least I hoped because he was the only person I have ever met that actually makes that much noise when they walk.

I herd the footsteps stop and I actually got up on my tip toes and held my hands against my chest. Otherwise I think my heart would have broken right threw my rib cage.

The door opened and there he stood, Gerard Way, the love of my life and the boy I‘ve missed so much since I‘d been here. I couldn’t help myself, I screamed and ran right to him, jumping onto him and wrapping my arms and legs around his waist.

“Oh Gee!” I squealed before I slammed our lips together. He stumbled backwards a bit until his back hit a wall and giggled as I continued to kiss him.

“Frankie.” He giggled as he tried to pull away from me a bit. I let him after one last kiss and Gerard just looked into my eyes and smiled at me. I unwrapped my legs from around Gerard and he let me stand on the ground but my arms stayed safely holding him close to me.

“I’ve missed you baby.” I exclaimed as I hugged my lovely boyfriend.

“I’ve missed you too sugar.” Gerard buried his head in my shoulder and kissed my neck. After a moment we pulled away from our hug and I put Gerard arms length away from me and just looked at him. He’s so beautiful and I don’t know how I’m going to let him leave today.

“Look at you! You look so healthy Frankie.” He gushed as he put his hands on either side of my face. I was melting at his touch and smiling at his complement. I really think I’m going to have a better relationship with Gerard after all of this is done. I could finally take a complement he’s giving me and realize it’s true.

“Okay boys, take a seat.” I looked at Miss Kline as she put her hand on my shoulder. She was smiling at me and I think she was glad to finally see me so happy. She was a great lady, she really cared about all the kids that she worked with.

I laced my fingers with Gerard’s and pulled him over to a sofa that was also in the room. I sat myself down and pulled Gerard down next to me.

“I’d like to first all say thank you for doing this Miss Kline. You’re the best for letting me see my Gee.” I said as my grip on Gerard’s hand tightened.

“It was needed Frank. I know your excited to see him but this is still a therapy session. There are a lot of things Gerard needs to know if you plan to continue seeing him. You can’t keep things like you have from your significant other. Of course you don‘t need to go into great detail right now but explain your past family and relationship problems.” Yeah there was a lot I still had to tell Gerard. There was a lot in my past I was less then proud of but it was in the past and if I wanted a future with this man that I loved, I needed to come clean.

I turned to face Gerard and he nervously smiled at me. I knew this was going to be harder on him then it was on me. He is so emotional and I knew he is going to hate hearing all the shit I’ve done.

“Okay so I want to start off with saying I’m sorry. I put you threw a lot and I was so mean to you and the whole time you just kept telling me you loved me and stood with me whenever I needed you. You are the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. Your so caring Gerard and I completely love you for that. I want you to be able to forgive me and trust that I may have my hard times but I’ll always love you and I’ll treat you like you deserve.” His smile grew as he tucked some of the hair that had fallen into my face behind my ear.

“I forgive you Frank. I understand that you were just lost but you’re finding your way and I’m going to be with you threw all this because you’re my best friend and I love you so much.” He is amazing. I couldn’t ask for anything else in a man but I hoped my sketchy past doesn’t lessen his love for me.

Gerard’s pov

My poor baby, I was never even mad at him and here he is apologizing. I felt so bad for Frank. All I wanted to do was hold him and tell him that everything was all right and he was perfect anyway he was. That’s what he is to me, perfect.

His fingers were still laced together with mine as he looked right into my eyes and smiled.

“So first off I guess I should tell you more about my past. You know that my dad walked out on my mom and all but you don’t know that it was for this slutty chick that doesn’t know how to keep her legs closed. The fact that he left didn’t fuck my up but the reason did. I’d talk with my dad every once in a while and he always made sure to tell me to make sure to have a lot of sex. He’d said without sex in a relationship the person would grow tired of me.” My eyes were sympathetic and all I wanted to do was tell him what a bad man his father is but I knew I had to let him talk so I slowly ran my hand up and down his arm to comfort him. My fingers never left his and I kept the hold I had on his hand.

“I remember telling him I was gay…it was one of the worst experiences of my life. He screamed in my face I was going to hell and to keep my ass in the air and mouth open because that is the only thing I’d ever be good for.” I tear rolled down Frank’s cheek and I immediately whipped it away.

“It’s okay Frankie, take your time.” I whispered gently, this was fucking breaking my heart. I hated seeing him like this. I was close to tears but didn’t let them fall because I wanted to be strong for Frank. That’s what he needed to tell me all this and for me to listen and be strong for him.

“No, I’m fine. So yeah that lead to all the boyfriends which I won’t go into great detail with you because there the past and you are my future but that’s why I acted so weird. All the other guys I had been dating I had blown within the first week and fucked within two. I really though that’s what I had to do for them to like me. I didn’t understand at the time my dad had been talking about lust and not love.” He paused and looked away from my eyes which broke my heart in two completely. I could tell he was ashamed of his past and didn’t want me to think less of him. He was afraid to how I was going to react.

“They told me they loved me and how hot I was and I ate it up. I though they actually did, ya know? I thought that physical love was the same and that’s why I got so mad when you wouldn’t let me touch you. You’re so fucking beautiful and I thought that I couldn’t prove how I felt. I’d never loved anyone before. I loved the idea of the other guys but when we broke up I didn’t care. I could easily get another. I couldn’t get another Gerard Way. So I had to look better and be pretty enough for you. I felt fat and ugly.”

Frank finally looked back up into my eyes and I could see the shame and disgust he felt for himself. I looked back at him with nothing but love. I love that he was being so fucking strong. “I can’t loose you Gerard. I can’t.” He cried. I wrapped my arms around my boyfriend and held him as close as I possibly could.

“You won’t baby. I’m yours, I‘m all yours.” I whispered to him. I needed him to calm down.

“Do you- Gerard, you still want me?” Frank shuttered into my shoulder as I held onto him. He had wrapped is arms tightly around me, I think scared to hear my answer.

“Of course I do! I love you. You telling me the truth and being so brave makes me love you so more, if that’s even possible.” I kissed the side of my wonderful boyfriends neck and let him curl himself into me as much as he wanted.

“This is so good boys!” Is it weird that I like totally forgot that Frank’s therapist is like sitting…five feet away? I think so because when she randomly said that I jumped and Frank let out a tiny laugh.

“Did I do that right?” Frank mumbled into my shoulder. He still hadn’t let go of me and I don’t think he was going to any time soon, not that I minded. “I feel very emotional right now but I feel like I told him what I should’ve.” Frank again mumbled. It’s actually completely adorable, he won’t even move away from me to talk! AW, well okay it might be kind of sad that I think its so cute but I don’t care!

“Yes that was very good Frank, and yes I think you covered what you needed. You always go more in-depth with Gerard at a later time. I think more time with him would do you good.” The therapist said and Frank sat straight up with a huge smile on his face.

“More time? Really?” Frank exclaimed loudly. He then turned to look at me. “Gee you’ll come and see me more, yeah?” He asked as excited as I’d seen him in a long time.

“Course.” I said with a smile and a quick peck on his cheek. This made Frank happy and I was over the moon. I got to see my boyfriend more and he was getting strong and healthy.

So the rest of the day went really smoothly. Frank and I got to talk for a bit more before we were told when I could possibly come see him. Leaving was probably the hardest part. Frank was worried and he had good reasons. I was again going back to the real world. I’d be around the people I went to school with and just people I walked by and lived near. Frank on the other hand was trapped in the treatment center. I think he was scared I’d want someone to be close with and cheat or find someone new.

I wouldn’t. I love Frankie with my whole heart so just as I was going to leave I kissed his and told him just that. I told him he was perfection in my eyes. That no one could ever come close and that when he got out he was going to come live with me and we are going to live happily ever after.

I went back to visit Frankie when ever I could. I met his new friends and we even got to talk on the phone a lot. It was actually amazing. He was in the treatment center for about six months which, yeah it’s a long time but I could wait. I could wait forever to be with him, I love him and he is all I ever wanted.

So when it was all said and done, Frank actually moved in with me. He still goes to therapy once a week but he’s doing amazing. He is so strong and is such a beautiful person. To me on the inside and outside. He is my definition of perfection, and I make sure I tell him that every single day.

Were in love and it’s beautiful and I’m actually planning to ask him to marry me. All of Frank’s problems and odd actions make him who he is and I want nothing more then to be with me for the rest of my life. Our live. And it shall be perfect.