Cabin Fever

I never realized what I was getting into when I agreed to babysit. It isn't that Danielle is a little cretin or something; she's just like her father and Ryan is as calm and collected as they come… off the ice, at least. When he walked in the door, though, that's when I knew I was in for trouble.

Just moments after Ryan and Olivia checked out my worst nightmare came strolling through the door. “Honey, I’m home,” he called out in that weird Ricky Ricardo voice from I Love Lucy. I cringed as Danielle let go of my leg and ran to him. Even though I couldn’t see him from my position around the corner in the kitchen his voice was enough to turn my veins to ice.

The voice that I once found charming and sweet was now cutting daggers through my heart and turning my body towards paralysis.

“Uncle Alex!” Danielle shouted, undoubtedly launching herself into his arms.

“Where are your mommy and daddy?” I heard him ask as I made my way to the front foyer to meet them. I must be crazy, willingly walking towards my own demise.

“Aunty Lauren’s here!” Danielle shouted again, breaking free from Alex’s hold. Instead she turned and ran into my legs.

I glanced up at the man before me in hopes of seeing that the past few years were terrible to him. Much to my delightful –and hated– surprise, they weren’t. His face held the same features that had once seemed attractive to me. The bright eyes that always crinkled whenever he was happy; the full lips that felt like heaven to the touch; and maybe most of all, the beautiful straight angled nose that Gods probably found jealousy in.

“Lauren,” Alex nodded, the smirk on his lips twisting deeper.

"Shithead," I deadpanned as I bent down and picked up Danielle. "Ryan and Olivia already left. You should do the same."

"How long ago?" He questioned, his hand swiping through his perfectly gelled hair; a nervous habit I once found endearing.

"Half hour? Why are you still here?"

Alex stared at me, his brow knitting itself into an angry line. Goosebumps attacked my skin under his heated gaze. Much to my displeasure I found the reaction oddly comforting. With Alex still having this effect on me it just means things haven't changed as much as I thought.

"Because my plane home isn't ‘til Tuesday."

"Aren't you some superstar now? I think you have the money to get the fuck out of my sight."

"Ouch," Alex smirked. “Maybe if you were always this feisty things would have ended differently.”

“And if I’m more than okay with how things ended?”

“If that were true I wouldn’t have gotten multiple talks from Kes for an apology.”

I’m going to fucking kill him. “Ryan’s just a nice guy. He doesn’t agree with your douchebaggery.”

Alex retracted as though I slapped him hard across the face. Good, I thought to myself as I turned away from him and headed for the couch.

“What’s douchebaggery?” Danielle asked as I set her down on the couch.

Panic washed over me. In my self-obsessed state I completely forgot to tone down the language for Danielle’s benefit. Ryan would kill me if he knew that I was teaching his angelic daughter swear words. Then again, he’d kill Alex just for showing up the way he has.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie. It’s just a little inside joke between Uncle Alex and me,” I laughed and ruffled her curls.

Instead of dwelling on what I cannot change I popped in one of the many children’s DVDs lined up on the bookcase. After setting Danielle’s camp up so she could watch in peace and maybe even sleep I grabbed a diet coke and headed into the kitchen. The peace and refuge I was hoping to find were nowhere to be seen with Alex sitting at the kitchen table. As soon as I entered the frown residing on his face disappeared only to be replaced with a sickening smirk.

“You’re stuck with me.”

My fingers curled into angry fists with each word Alex spoke. Everything he said seemed to strike me the wrong way even if they could be interpreted as relatively harmless. Just being within a few feet of him was making my blood boil.

“How did I get so lucky?” I questioned through clenched teeth.

Alex smirked and plucked an apple from the fruit bowl, tossing it from hand to hand with a nonchalance that pissed me off even more.

“Look outside, Princess.” His voice was dripping with cockiness and egotism that I had played witness to only once before. The guy before me, he’s the guy from the one night of bliss we shared that ended on less than great terms. But he isn’t the real Alexandre Burrows. He’s a cheap clone that shows up when Alex decides it’s time to be a dick.

And that cheap clone does his work nicely. He’s good at his job.

“What happened to you?” I asked softly, not bothering to look outside as I pulled out the chair opposite him and parked it. “I thought you’d be the last to sellout into jackass territory.”

Alex laughed and nodded his head like I was insane. “Yeah, and I thought you’d be better between the sheets,” he ground out, his French accent eclipsing parts of his words.

“Maybe if I had more to work with I would have been,” I snorted. His words sliced through me. My stomach felt as though a thousand machetes were chopping it away centimeter by centimeter. But he could never know that. Weaknesses don’t belong in the human makeup. They’re not supposed to exist.

Another human can cause you enough pain without your weaknesses being compromised and when you add those into the equation the pain only intensifies to the point where it becomes unbearable.

Alex’s eyes worked on my body like flesh eating lasers. His hawk-like orbs sent chills dancing through my spine, twisting and turning my insides into a gooey mush that left me feeling helpless and weak. He knew it, too. The smug smirk adorning his features gave him away as he leaned back and curled his fingers together over the apple.

“You’re a terrible liar, Lauren. You always have been,” he mused, his eyes dancing with triumph as he continued tossing the apple back and forth between his hands.

“And you’re a dick but we’ve already established this. Now why don’t you just take your French ass back to where you belong,” I suggested nonchalantly.

The man before me laughed and pointed outside. “Are you blind now, too?” He questioned, his voice so thickly laced with the accent that used to drive me crazy. I shivered and ran a hand through my hair. Keep your cool Lauren; don’t let him know you still go weak for his accent.

“No, I just don’t give a shit. So what if the clouds look angry? Don’t you have enough money to take a train back to your little village?” I spat bitterly, angry with myself for reacting the same way as I used to.

“Vous voulez encore de moi,” the man before me stated, his face void of all expressions. His eyes were trained on me, obviously waiting for a reaction. “What’s the matter? Can’t remember your French?” His voice had a teasing edge, an amused sort of tone. He was laughing at me without actually laughing.

“French is a dying language,” I stated weakly. Alex simply laughed and raked a hand through his now disheveled hair.

Silence passed between us, the thick awkwardness blanketing the space around us. Our eyes locked together in a stare that gave me no insight into his mind. I wanted nothing more than to pick him apart, to read every thought running through his head as it ran through. My body ached with the desire of being able to read the enigmatic male before me, to know the real truth of what happened between us.

The truth of that moment isn’t something that often follows me around, hanging above me like a rain cloud but when it does it’s something that cannot be ignored. When it makes an appearance in my life I hold onto it with a death grip that eventually lessens as the time passes but with the only other witness to that one fleeting moment, it just isn’t something that can fade anymore.

Instead it’s something that will grow in presence, at least for as long as Alex is around. My mind can only answer to being answerless for so long and the year and a half that has passed since that time has been long enough. Eventually answers need to happen. Everyone needs answers especially when it concerns a moment you thought would answer everything else; a moment that would shed light on the thoughts and feelings that obstructed your life for so long

And when you feel let down that the one moment you thought would answer everything didn’t give you those answers you hoped and prayed for you need more answers. More answers to the new questions that wash over you with the realization that everything you thought was wrong.

“What did you say Alex,” I asked softly as I clasped my hands together underneath the table.

The man before me stared back at me, his once bright eyes dull and blank. Oddly enough, the longer I stared into the lifeless orbs that once fascinated me, I found myself wanting to reach out and touch him. I hated myself for that. He hurt me and now I want to comfort him? That’s a load of bullshit. The hate only increased as he shook his head and the urge to comfort him grew.

Wanting to comfort someone that figuratively destroyed you isn’t a normal emotion. That’s almost like going into a prison and giving an incarcerated person a hug. My heart just isn’t the hating kind but it should make an exception for the likes of Alex Burrows, the only man to ever really hurt me. My mind could even settle for a grudge of sorts, but when it gets to my actually wanting to comfort him for some unknown reason, that’s where the line should be drawn.

For all I know there isn’t even anything wrong with him. It’s possible he’s just emotionless now. But that can’t be true because the man I once thought so highly of was always full of emotions. He was always so full of pride and passion; he could light up a room just by laughing. It’s such a sappy thought but he is that powerful, he’s the one in a million that makes everything better.

“Alex,” I warned, the hate that once filled my heart making another appearance. I hated that, too. The ability he has to make my emotions go haywire. One minute I hate him, the next I’m laughing with him like we’re old friends.

Remember Lauren, this isn’t then. This is now. Alex is a douche that doesn’t deserve to be in your presence.

“Get a French dictionary. Vous voulez encore de moi,” he repeated, his smirk returning once again. “I’ll even write it down for you if you want.”

I glared back at him, my anger rising and the hate for myself lifting. “Just fucking tell me asshole,” I spat through gritted teeth.

Alex’s eyebrows shot up as his eyes flitted between my face and the table. I glanced down only to realize I was leaning over and found myself dangerously close to his face. His smirk deepened as he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear cockily.

”I said, you still want me.”