Cabin Fever

“I said, you still want me.”

Chills coursed through my body, rocking me down to the core. Alex’s words held an off sense of urgency with an undercurrent of truth that I hated to acknowledge. On some level his words rang true, but I’d never admit that, not to him.

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. The man before me sat back in his chair, his smirk still firmly in place. His demeanor said it all, “ha, I was right.”

“Bullshit,” I managed finally, my voice raspy and far too forced. Not even seconds after I got my word in a loud thunderclap rang out as if to call me out on my own lie.

“The Gods don’t agree,” Alex mused. He crossed his arms over his chest, a look that came off as far too sexy for such a simple act. “You can admit it Lauren.”

My name coming out of his mouth in such a condescending way should have bothered me. It didn’t and the fact that it did nothing more than send a wave of butterflies over me aggravated me. Alex hurt me. He destroyed me, really. He shouldn’t have such an effect on me after such a short period of time. That isn’t how things are supposed to work. I’m not supposed to crumble and forgive him when he’s being his cocky self.

Unfortunately, you can’t control what you feel.

“Just admit it so we can move on,” Alex stated matter-of-factly as he leaned across the table.

As though there were a magnet shoved between us we both began to gravitate towards each other. This is it, we’re going to kiss. Wait, what? Once Alex’s eyes fluttered shut I pulled away and leaned back in my chair. His eyes snapped open and he stared at me with the ‘puppy dog eyes’ that are supposed to win you over. No dice.

“Who wants who?” I questioned and shot him a triumphant little smirk before leaving the table.

Trying to get even with Alex and out-do him with wit and actions was probably the worst idea I could have had. Since my little showing during our almost kiss a couple of hours ago Alex has done nothing but be a nice guy. Under most circumstances this would probably be a great thing, something that most would welcome with open arms. Not today.

With Alex playing the part of the nice guy it just makes things harder for me. It makes it harder to ignore the fact that he’s so irresistibly sexy and that he really is a nice guy when he doesn’t bring out douche!Alex. But most of all, it makes it impossible to ignore the fact that I’m not over what he did to me even if I do still want him. Seeing him in the flesh, walking around Ryan and Olivia’s house and interacting with Danielle… it brings back wounds that aren’t buried that far under the surface.

“Auntie Lauren can we watch a movie?” Danielle tugged on the hem of my shirt, her eyes ablaze with happiness.

I glanced at Alex who just shrugged and headed into the kitchen. Typical.

“Sure darling,” I smiled and followed her to the bookcase housing all the movies.

After Danielle woke up from her nap Alex played with her and her Barbie dolls which thankfully gave me some time to calm down from my tête-à-tête with Alex. It also gave Mother Nature ample time to start her assault on the house. Vicious winds and harsh rains pounded the house at all sides making it impossible to do anything without jumping at each clap of thunder. The weathermen who are almost never right predict that the storm should last the duration of the weekend and leave sometime mid next week.

It took Danielle all of two seconds to pick out the movie she wanted to watch. She handed me a collector’s edition of Scooby Doo Meets the Boo Brothers and skipped over to the large L shaped couch to settle in. I popped the DVD in the player and pushed play before settling into the corner portion of the couch, my favorite spot.

A few minutes into the movie Alex finally returned to the living room and settled at the end of the couch opposite Danielle. I tried to keep my gaze from drifting to him but every few seconds my eyes would dart his way. The first few times he looked as though he was simply watching the movie but then he looked as though he was deep in thought, as though something was ebbing at him and he was twisting it around trying to put the right piece in the right space.

Just seeing him look so lost in thought irked me. The smirk playing on his lips didn’t help either. What could he possibly be mulling over that would warrant such a sexy smirk? Was he thinking of more ways to torture me? Perhaps some new and unused methods to drive me up a wall and back? Could it be hockey or a girlfriend that was occupying his thoughts? There’s an endless list of things that could be tugging at the strings of his mind, begging for some attention.

All of which don’t sit well with me. Who does he think he is, sitting there all smug like he’s the king of the world? He’s Alexandre Burrows and last time I checked he wasn’t anybody important. Yet, why do I seem to care so much? If things continue to progress as they have been I will be stark raving mad by the time we finally get separated.

A soft sigh escaped my lips as I ran a hand through my hair and angled my head away from Alex. The key to keeping my sanity is avoiding him. That means no looking at him, no speaking to him and most importantly, no thinking about him. But these are impossible things to complete. He’s everywhere I turn, looking like a smug son of a bitch with a tight lipped secret. Just seeing him churns some conflicting emotions in my stomach; emotions that aren’t supposed to be there.

Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help but peek over at him. As soon as I did I wished that I didn’t. His lips were still twisted in that same smirk and his eyes were blank indicating he was still deep in thought. My eyes darted over to Danielle and sure enough, she was out again. Thank Ryan for having a daughter that sleeps, a lot.

“What’s up with you? You’re obviously not enthralled with the movie,” I asked finally, my annoyance and curiosity getting the best of me.

Alex turned and glanced at me for just a moment before turning back to the TV. His smirk deepened as if to say ‘I can annoy you without even trying.’ Alex’s tongue flicked over his lips slowly and seductively before he finally opened his mouth to answer me.

“Nothing,” he replied in a smug tone that clearly said ‘I’m not saying anything just to increase your annoyance.’

A soft groan escaped my lips as a loud clap of thunder rang through the house. Unable to stand another minute of being in his presence I stood up and made my way into the kitchen. My mind reeled as I tried to think of something –anything– to do to get rid of Alex from my mind. If it were at all possible I probably would have taken some floor cleaner and a scrub brush to my brain in efforts to erase him.

The sliding door to the back porch looked oddly inviting despite the crazy storm raging outside. Leaning on the railing and looking out at the woods wouldn’t be so bad, right? There is, after all, a roof to give it protection and shade. I headed out to find some solstice on the back deck and to escape Alex. With any luck the raindrops could cleanse my skin and rid me of the disgusting man just inside the house.

Outside, the storm raged and thrashed against the house. Raindrops pelted me as I leaned against the railing. I closed my eyes and listened to the wind whipping leaves and branches around, howling it’s sad song. It sounded as though it was in pain as it wailed. Fitting, really, the storm swirling around fit my emotions to a t.

A beautiful disaster, really, the way the wind and rain teamed together to destroy anything it could touch. They teamed together in the way that my desire and hate for Alex did. Those two emotions flooded me and contradicted everything I previously thought. How can you hate someone so much but want to jump them at the same time? Or even better, feel bad for them and wish you could make things better?

Its mindboggling and depressing at the same time; how can I be so self conflicted over a guy that probably doesn’t give a shit one way or the other? That isn’t me. I’m independent and I don’t get all hung up over guys. Especially not guys that hurt me the way Alex Burrows did. Those guys have absolutely no place in my life yet he’s pushing for one without even trying. He might not even know that he’s doing this to me but he is and I think that just makes everything so much worse. While he might be trying to drive me up a wall he probably isn’t trying to make me feel this conflicted.

Is he?

“ARE YOU INSANE?! GET IN HERE!” Alex’s voice sliced through my thoughts straight down to my bone. My anger flared as I spun around to face him.

“Oh, so NOW you care?” I deadpanned, my eyes narrowing in disgust.

“I don’t need you getting sick and contaminating Danielle and I,” he shot back simply.

“I’d rather come out here and freeze than deal with your stupid bullshit.”

“Suck it up, Lauren. You just can’t handle me like you thought you could.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. My insides were buzzing as though a million little pop rocks were resting just beneath the surface of my skin. In that one fleeting moment I wanted to yell and scream, to thrash and make a big scene over the truth of his words but I couldn’t. Numbness took over my body, paralyzing me and cementing me to my spot.

“If you’re just going to stay a total dick then you can kindly fuck off. Thanks,” I shot back finally, my vocal chords squeaking in protest of being used.

Alex’s face softened but none the less he turned around and walked back into the house. I turned my back to the sliding door and looked out at the trees scattered among Ryan and Olivia’s backyard. Long fingers clasped around my wrist as I stared out at the scenery, successfully scaring the shit out of me. I flailed and whacked Alex in the chest as I tried to free my wrist from his grasp.

“Come inside or I’m not letting go,” he smirked and started pulling me towards the door.

I kicked his shin and pulled my arm away as soon as he released me. “Leave me the fuck alone Alex. I’m sick of your bullshit.”

His eyebrows shot up as he ran a hand through his hair. “What’s the real problem here, Lauren? Upset that I know that you still want me? Or is it that you know you can’t have me and that kills you?”

“You’re so fucking frustrating!”

Alex’s lips twisted into a smug little grin as he stared back at me. Arrogance dripped off of him; he knew I wanted him.

“You’re not helping your case.”

I stared back at him, unblinking and silent. Slowly, the smirk fell from his face but then his lips were over mine. My fingers found his hair as he lifted me up onto the wet railing. I groaned softly as I twisted my fingers through his thick tresses. Our lips locked together, tangling and dancing as we both showed our desperation for each other.

The rain attacked us, soaking my back to the core in a matter of seconds. Alex’s hands slid under my shirt and over my back as I tugged at his bottom lip. He grunted softly in response and pressed us closer together. Kissing him was better than I remembered and much more dangerous than before.