Sequel: Second Chance

Cabin Fever

Fight.

Being around Alex has been eerily similar to walking on eggshells. The feeling has been there, lurking all weekend, but after waking up in his arms this morning it has intensified. Seeing him laying there in the same position we were in from our talk the night before, knowing that he didn't move and sacrificed his own comfort to keep me content... it stirred feelings inside of me that I didn't know I had. Especially when I remembered him speaking in French... or was that a dream?

As soon as I could comprehend our situation, his arms wrapped around my waist, my back press to his front, I slipped out of his grip and I've been avoiding him since. Last night, going into his room, it was a mistake. We accomplished nothing and really only furthered our situation into the realm of the unfixable. Not that I really even want it fixed, per se. But being around Alex is just like getting sucked into a black hole. He has a gravitational pull that I'm not sure anyone could withstand.

After breakfast I got Danielle dressed and ready. With the storm dying away and leaving only a light drizzle in its place she wanted to go visit her friend Katelyn across the street. Once I cleared it with Olivia and Ryan who talked to Katelyn's parents we made the trek over to the neighbor’s house. Secretly I hated having to bring her to her play date because ultimately that would mean being alone in the same house as the one person I would give almost anything not to see.

But I sucked it up and put on my big girl shoes and brought Danielle to her friend’s house. Once I was sure everything was all set I turned right back around and walked towards Ryan and Olivia's. Deep down I knew I had to talk to Alex, to get everything straight and really hear him out but I don't really want to know the truth. It took me a long time just to get over what our first episode did to me and really, I don't even blame Alex anymore.

It really isn't him that I hate or what he did to me; it's the aftermath that I can't stand. The self doubt and the way I've acted in the time since then. Its either I can trust a guy or I trust him far too much which is just as bad, if not worse. Though I really can't imagine him understanding any of that or really anyone understanding it. After trying and failing at explaining the whole thing to Ryan, the person closest to me in the world, I'm pretty sure that it's a lost cause.

I pulled open the large front door to the house and stepped into the foyer. Slowly, I slipped out of my shoes and listened for sounds of what Alex might be doing. When I didn't hear anything I slipped out of my jacket and decided to lounge in the living room. If he came to me, then so be it, I would talk to him but otherwise why should I be bothered to make that effort?

Just as I turned on the TV and was settling into the couch to watch a movie Alex made his grand appearance. Well, that was fast, I thought bitterly as I dropped the remote back onto the coffee table and sat up a little straighter. I glanced at him, standing in the doorway of the living room with his arms crossed over his chest. Just like always his hair was a little messy, spiked all over the place in the most adorable way and the simple navy blue t-shirt and faded jeans made him look younger than he is.

“We should talk,” we both stated at the same time. In most circumstances I probably would have laughed or maybe even cracked a joke but the mood around Alex felt similar to death.

I forced a fake smile and motioned to the space beside me. “Take a seat?”

He nodded before taking up residence beside me on the wraparound couch. I turned to face him and pulled my knees to my chest, Alex simply turned to face me at a slant. His normally bright brown eyes looked dull and heavy with sadness. My heart jumped and lodged itself in my throat as I sat unmoving, my eyes trained on him.

Everything about his demeanor just screamed that he didn't want to talk to me, didn't want to be near me and was completely beating himself up over what happened between us. I almost wanted to just forget about everything that has happened between us and forget about what we went through in the past just to have a fresh new start but that isn't possible.

“So um,” I began awkwardly, “I'm sorry?”

Alex stared at me with cold eyes as he ran a hand through his hair. “Is that a question or a statement?”

Normally his French Canadian accent would have put my nerve system in a tizzy but even that sounded dull and depressed.

I let out an exasperated sigh. “Alex,” I started and grabbed his hand. His eyes were focused on my face and though he was the one that should have been apologizing I couldn't help but feel a load of guilt weighing me down. “I'm sorry, I should have listened to you and we should have talked about this long before right now.”

He didn't say anything for what seemed like hours. Even after I started rubbing soft circles on the back of his hand with my thumb he remained quiet which was so new to me. Alex just sort of looked as though a storm was raging inside of him, as if the one that was once attacking the house had moved into his body. It terrified me to see him like this. Shouldn't our positions have been reversed?

I groaned and pulled my hand from his. “This is fucking ridiculous. You have no reason to be so pissy, if anything I should be the one pissed off and treating you like shit.”

I pushed myself up from the couch and started towards the kitchen but before I could get anywhere Alex's hand wrapped around my forearm and pulled me backwards. In a matter of just a few seconds I found myself in a familiar position; sitting in Alex's lap with my back to his front and his arms wound around my waist. A tremor of chills twirled up my spine as I fought to keep from leaning into his touch.

“What are you doing?” I whispered, half afraid that if I spoke too loud I'd ruin the moment.

Alex's fingers dipped beneath the hem of my t-shirt and splayed across my tummy. His touch was warm, comforting even as he curled and uncurled his fingers against my skin. He used his other hand and brushed my hair aside, his fingers tickling the back of my neck in the process. Against my will I relaxed into Alex's touch and curled our fingers together over my stomach.

“What are you doing?” I repeated softly.

“Trying to make you relax,” he murmured, his lips peppering the back of my neck with light kisses. “Is it working?”

I nodded slowly, my voice nowhere to be found.

“Lau-” Alex was cut off by the obnoxious beeping of my phone and just like that our spell was broken.

I slipped out of his lap and pulled my phone from my pocket. One new text from Ryan was waiting for me.

Weather issues. Liv and I will be home in an hour or two.

“Ryan and Olivia will be back in an hour or two,” I announced before turning on my heel and leaving Alex alone in the living room.

Once I was inside of the room I was calling my own I shut the door and leaned against it. Something about the way Alex was looking at me just ate me up inside. Did I look tense? Is that why he was trying to make me relax? Of course you probably looked tense, everything with him has been an upside-down-going-backwards kind of roller coaster.

Being around Alex is frustrating but if you're around long enough it's almost rewarding. He matches me toe-to-toe on everything, if I feel one way it's a good chance he feels the other but that's why I'm attracted to him, right? Everything about him is so different and one minute he's yelling and the next he's making my insides melt. No other guy has ever made me feel such conflicting emotions; that has to be a good thing, right?

A soft sigh escaped my lips as I pulled my hair into a messy bun on top of my head. After tossing a few stray articles of clothing in the general direction of my suitcase I settled down on the middle of the window seat. I cranked open the window a little and pressed my forehead against the glass, my eyes following the rushing flow of water.

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my head against them as I stared out the window. Once again the weather had my mood pinned. The dark clouds and light drizzle matched my sadness and light tears. I wiped away a stray tear and sucked in a deep breath as I felt Alex's leg slide between me and the window. His arms wrapped around me but he made no motion to pull me to him.

Per usual, his embrace was comforting and for just a brief second everything seemed okay. The confusion faded and my mind cleared but as soon as I stretched out my legs and entwined our fingers it all came rushing back. Being with Alex like this, it isn't exactly the norm. We've been through too much to just fall into old habits but it feels so right.

I pressed myself against him and leaned into his embrace. Talking hasn't come very easy since the first day of the weekend and this is no different. My tongue swelled up in my mouth as I tried to speak, tried to ask what was happening but it wouldn't go.

“Lauren,” Alex whispered, his warm breath tickling the shell of my ear.

“Alex,” I whispered back, my voice finally returning to my throat.

Silence enveloped us once again. Words unsaid hung in the air, dying to be let out between the both of us. I wanted to tell Alex that I was sorry for being a stubborn bitch, that I was sorry for taking everything out on him and that I was ready to move forward as friends but the words wouldn't come. I wanted to tell him that I was wrong about him and in time I would get over it completely and understand but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

“I still have feelings for you,” Alex announced. His voice sliced through my thoughts and sent a wave of tremors shooting through my body.

“W-what?” I croaked, shocked at his revelation.

Alex sighed as his arms wound tighter around me. “I don't think I stuttered, Lauren.”

Bullshit, I wanted to yell but in the depths of my heart, I could hear the truth in his voice. Words floated through my mind, marinating there but died on my tongue as I tried to voice them. Alex beat me to the punch.

“I know I messed up pretty bad before but being with you here, now, I can't get you out of my head. I'm not sure you ever left, really. If you'll give me a chance to prove it I'-”

I cut Alex off by breaking free from his grasp. Everything around me was spinning; it was all happening too fast.

“I can't Alex, I'm just starting to get over it,” I lied. Why are you pushing him away? my mind screamed.

“Are you sure?” He questioned, his tone dubious. I could tell he didn't believe me and to be fair, he was right not to but I nodded anyways.

“I'm sure. I just, I can't Alex. I can't trust you.” It was a half-truth. I could, but trusting Alex is so far out of the question that it wouldn't work regardless.

He nodded slightly but looked as though he had more to say. The sadness in his eyes stabbed at me but I refused to back down. Alex stood up and rubbed his hands over his face before closing the distance between us. He gave me a weak smile before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead and leaving the room completely.

A huge part of me wanted him to fight, to fight to keep me, to fight me on my lame lies, to just fight me in general. But instead he waved the white flag and gave up and that hurt more than anything. I've never known Alex to be a fighter, to be one to give up, but he seemed to just lie in the defeat I handed him.

You got what you wanted, Lauren. You gained the upper hand and you destroyed him. The only question is, did you sacrifice your own happiness in the process?

I refused to acknowledge the thoughts running through my mind as I moved about the room, packing up my few belongings. Time seemed to fly by as I folded, unfolded and re-folded the articles of clothing in my small suitcase. Before I could even blink I heard Ryan talking with Alex.

I zipped up my suitcase and placed it on the floor. My feet felt as though they were glued to the floor as my ears strained to listen. I listened as Alex said his goodbyes to both Olivia and Ryan and tried not to let the sadness in his voice get to me. Only after the door closed did I wheel my suitcase into the other room and greet my best friend and his wife.

The sight of Ryan didn't help me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around him in a death grip. His arms curled around me protectively and I took comfort in that. It felt like a hug for starting over, as though he knew exactly what went down and he was relaying that it would be okay through his hug.

But even in Ryan's protective embrace I couldn't be so sure. The only thing I could be sure of is that it’s time to start my new life, completely Alex free.
♠ ♠ ♠
As always, dedicated to the ever so lovely Lauren.
Thanks for being my support system through this roller coaster of a story.
You're awesome and I am forever in debt to you. Thanks, Kes! <3

So, this is the end of Cabin Fever my friends. This was one of my favorite stories to write; I love writing emotion. I hope the end did it justice.

Oh, so you want a happy ending? Maybe in the sequel: Second Chance

comment!