Our Withered Past, and This Blurry Future

"Just shut the fuck up!"
“Ha. No fucking way.”
“If you don’t shut up I will kill you.”
“Nu uh. You love me too much.”
“That’s it!” I yelled, throwing the sheets from my body as I sat up. I pointed to the door and gave Ronnie an angry look. “Go sleep on the couch!”
Ronnie gave me a sad look that reminded me of a puppy that was just kicked, “But its cold out there.”
“Than shut up and let me sleep!” I threw myself back down on the warm bed. I pulled the sheets over me and tried to go back into sleep land.
“But I’m not tired.” Ronnie’s warm lips made contact with the skin of my neck and I felt his hand rubbing my hip in a circular motion.
I groaned loudly, “Ronnie! It’s 3 in the morning, you aren’t getting any!”
“Damnit Haydee,” Ronnie rolled off of me, sitting up. “That’s what you’ve said everyday this week.”
“Than maybe you should come home before 2 AM.” I muttered under my breath. I felt his weight leave the bed as he got up and left out of the room. At least this time he remembered not to slam the door and wake Lori up.
I yawned and rolled over so I was flat on my back. I listened for the familiar noises Ronnie would make in our apartment; the knock of the kitchen cabinet shutting, his cussing as he tripped over the dog’s toy, and finally the click of the TV as he turned it on. He’d stay up for another hour before going to sleep. Where he went to sleep at depended on how mad he was at me. If he had calmed down he would return to bed with a soft kiss and warm embrace. If he was still mad he would sleep on the couch until I woke him up in the morning, sending him to the bed before Lori would wake.
I prayed to whatever higher beings that were listening that this wouldn’t last for much longer. It was like Ronnie got his man-period now. He would get moody and start coming home at some time in the morning with no regards for the family that was waiting at home for him. It was getting harder and harder to make up excuses for him when Loreelai asked why he wasn’t home for dinner.
I stared up into the darkness, just thinking about the past years with him. Drugs became an issue with him; a big one. He was doing them way too much, mainly behind my back. After the Epitaph tour wrapped up Fashion Disaster went to the studio to work on our second album and Escape the Fate went on another tour. Without Farrah and I around Ronnie and Max began to party too much. They started abusing prescription drugs, as well as illegal drugs. By the time we found out it was too late; they were addicted.
And on June 15, 2008 he was put into jail for his involvement in a fight that led to a young boy’s death. For more than a year we operated our relationship through the phone and on weekly visits. I spent that time watching him go through a painful withdraw, his anger towards his former friends, his sadness at losing almost everything, his excitement for his new band, and most importantly; his recovery.
Life for me was tough at the time. Ronnie was in prison, I was raising our daughter by myself again, and the band had nearly crumbled to pieces. Luckily my sister, Iz, had offered to let me move in with her and her wife. They watched Lori when I had to leave for band stuff or legal shit for Ronnie. They supported me through everything, and I love them both for it. Things were getting better though, once Ronnie got out. We got an apartment, moved our small family into it and got Ronnie back on his feet.
I miss how happy things were back then, and curse the day he first picked up drugs.

I woke up a few hours later with Ronnie’s tattooed arms wrapped around me, my head resting on his chest. I looked over on the table and saw the time, 7:25 AM. I reached over and turned the alarm off; I was 5 minutes early.
”Go back to sleep,” Ronnie’s groggy voice told me.
I moved so I could look up at him, his eyes were still closed. “I can’t. I have to get Lori ready for school, and then I have to go help Taylor bass shopping.”
Ronnie opened his eyes and met my green eyes with his own chocolate ones. “Can’t she just stay home from school and spend the day with us?”
I wiggled out of his arms and got out of bed. I went to my closet and pulled out my clothes for the day; a pair of faded ripped jeans and a random band shirt. “No Ronnie, she has a test today.” I pulled on my clothes and grabbed my brush from the bathroom. I ran it through my knotty hair till it was smooth again.
”Deeeee,” he whined, dragging out the ‘e’.
“Ronnieeee,” I copied him.
He sighed loudly and dramatically, “Fine. What time will you be home?”
“Noon-ish.” I answered, putting on a thick layer of eyeliner. “How about I bring lunch home with me and we can spend a few hours together before Lori comes home?”
Ronnie smiled, “Sounds good. I’ll go wake her up while you finish getting ready.”
Ronnie pulled on a pair of board shorts before leaving the room to wake up Lori. I smiled to myself and finish putting on my make up for the day; Ronnie was back to normal.
Ronnie argued with Lori for a few minutes on getting up while I went into the kitchen to start breakfast. I grabbed the frozen waffles from the freezer and popped a few of them into the toaster. I made some coffee for Ronnie next. I was grabbing the syrup from the fridge when I felt Ronnie’s strong arms encircle my waist. His hot breath was on my neck as he leaned in to kiss my cheek.
“Well hello there.” I smiled.
“What’s cookin, good lookin?” Ronnie asked.
“Waffles.” I turned in his arms so I was facing him.
Ronnie pushed the hair out of my face with one soft finger, “Dee, you know I love you right?”
I nodded, even though sometimes I was unsure about that. He leaned down and captured my lips in a kiss.
“Ewwwww!”
Ronnie laughed as he pulled away from me, looking at our daughter, who was standing there smiling, despite her view that our kissing was gross.
“Why is it that you think me kissing Daddy is gross but you have the hugest crush on Taylor Lautner?”
“Wait what?” Ronnie looked at Lori. “You aren’t supposed to like boys yet!”
Lori rolled her eyes, “I’m eight, Daddy. And Taylor is hot.”
“That he is,” I agreed, handing her breakfast.
Ronnie looked at me and gave me a ‘What the fuck’ look. “He’s like seventeen!”
I shrugged, “He’s got some crazy hot abs, babe.”
“Pedofile.” He joked.
”Only for Taylor Lautner.”
“He’s my man, Mommy!” Lori threw a napkin at me.
“If he was your man, I’d kill him.” Ronnie warned her.