Our Withered Past, and This Blurry Future

"Behave for grandma and grandpa Lahlah okay?" Max told Kilahlah, kissing her forehead softly after. Kilahah nodded, and hugged her dad around the neck. "I'll behave as long as you call me everyday, if not I’ll pierce my tongue." Kilahlah bargained keeping a straight face.

Max's eyes widened in fear, "I promise to call everyday." He said swallowing the lump in his throat. I hugged Kilahlah one more time kissing her cheek in the process. "Bye Mom! Bye Dad!" Kilahlah shouted as Max and I walked to the waiting tour bus.

"If I ever forget to call you better Farrah I don't want our daughter piercing her tongue." Max whispered into my ear, while leading me onto the bus. Max closed the door behind us,"Fuck yeah whose ready to fucking party?!" He shouted, running his hand through his hair.

I rolled my eyes and plopped down on the couch beside Bryan who was busily texting his girlfriend Jessi. "This tour is gonna be fun." Craig said, appearing out of the bunk area. He locked eyes with me, I quickly averted his gaze. "Is Jessi gonna be joining us?" I asked, my words sounding flustered.

Bryan nodded slowly, "Yeah," He smiled widely setting his phone down on the table beside him. "As soon as she gets a break from school." I nodded, and turned to the T.V, I don't even know what we were watching and I didn't care, any excuse to get out of looking at Craig. But then again I have no self discipline seeing as my eyes wandered to him, studying him play with his phone diligently, while Max chatted up a storm next to him.

I leaned my head against the couch, and allowed my eyes to drift shut. My mind raced with regret, desire, lust, and hatred. It seems like I could never catch a break, a few months after I finally had my happy reunion with Max, things started to go down hill.

Max and Ronnie started using drugs, arguing with each other and everyone around them. I couldn't believe how much the drugs had changed them, how much it hurt to se people you loved angry at you for no reason. It was the worst years of my life. Then when Omar got kicked out and Ronnie got arrested, and then kicked out of Escape the Fate, it seemed as if things couldn't get worst.

Well they did.

Haydee and I would fight because of the issues going on between Ronnie and Max. It wasn't our fight, but it felt like it was, because it was out respective others. Things got so heated that one thing lead to another and the next thing you know Farrah was out of the band. Yeah you read that right; I am no longer a member of Fashion Disaster.

Of course I was mad, but I wasn’t going to cry or act as if it bothered me. I packed my instruments and left. It was payback, cruel and ruthless payback for Ronnie getting kicked out of Escape the Fate, something that had nothing to do with me. But it’s all in the past and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Haydee and I, we don’t talk. And we don’t plan to either, not unless we woke up from a nightmare. I don’t talk to any of the other members of the band, I severed all ties with them, they didn’t have my back, and they weren’t really my friends. They never cared, and that’s what I get for trusting people.

And that’s not enough, in the frenzy of Escape the Fate looking for a lead singer, guess who was lucky enough to be the new lead singer? Craig Edward Mabbitt, also known as my ex-boyfriend.

And therefore guess who is punished on a daily basis? Farrah Houston.

Craig and I were civil to each other, it’s just awkward, and it will never not be awkward. We used to kiss, cuddle, and have sex. Now he watched Max and I kiss and cuddle, and probably hears Max and I have sex. If I told you that every time Craig and I lock eyes something didn’t go off in the back of my head, I’d be a liar. There’s still that feeling of what we had.

It’s something I’ll never forget; he gave me the most unpredictable and happy 3 years of my life. And to be honest, whenever Max and I fight, Craig has always been there for me. Holding me tightly, whispering comforting words in my ear, and confessing his undying love for me every now and then, and that’s why it’s so awkward. I know how he feels, and if I didn’t maybe we could be best friends or something.

Whenever Ronnie’s name is uttered, Max always has this look of disgust, and for a split second, just half a second; he has this look of regret. I know he misses his best friend; he doesn’t even have to say it. He still wears the amulet Ronnie gave him, he never took it off. Not while they were fighting, not while they were talking trash about each other, and not even when Ronnie got out.

Kilahlah always asks to hang out with Lorelai after school, and my answer is always the same. No; followed by a sad excuse to keep her away from her best friend since birth. I can’t keep the girls from being friends, this was really not their problem, and our hatred for each other shouldn’t affect their friendship. But it does. And it always will.

Max plopped down on the couch beside me, and snaked his arm around my waist. He leaned his head against mine, and kissed the corners of my lips. “I love youuuu.” He cooed cutely, lacing our fingers together. I smiled happily, admiring Max small gestures of affection. “I love you too babe.” I whispered in response, “I love you more than anything in this world.”

My eyes drifted towards Craig involuntarily, his lips were pursed and his arms were crossed over his chest. I don’t know how Craig and Max became such good friends, when a year ago they hated each others guts. Craig’s eyes flashed from jealousy to hatred, I offered him a small smile, to which he responded with a hopeful glance. I knew what the look meant, and I didn’t have the courage to break his heart and deny him.

Or rather, I didn’t want too.