Lights

“Hey, Spencer,” Ryan greeted as he entered Lights. The other man was just scooting past a table, and looked up with a grin.

“Hey, Ryan,” he replied. “Brendon's first day today, right?”

“Yep,” Ryan confirmed. “You should have seen him in his uniform, it was one of the funniest things I've seen in my life. They even have a hat, Spence. A hat.”

Spencer tried to stifle his laughter with his hand. “I think it suits Brendon perfectly.”

“You're right, it does. And eventually he'll move his way up to a better paying job with a hat.”

“And I'm sure you'll be so proud when that day comes.”

Ryan grinned and nodded enthusiastically. “It'll happen soon, I'm sure. He'll stun them all into silence.”

“Hope it's not as a result of his terrible cooking skills,” Spencer pointed out.

“It'll be because of his incredible wow factor,” Ryan corrected. “So there. Now, aren't you supposed to be working, mister?”

Spencer rolled his eyes jokingly and turned away to go serve one of the tables off in the corner.

Spencer had recovered very well from the surprise kiss that Brendon had sprung on him a few weeks back. He had laughed it off a few days later with his usual cheery tone, slipping in some sort of flamboyant joke for good measure. Then he and Brendon went straight back to ganging up on Ryan, both of them roaring with laughter. A week or so after, Spencer had introduced his new girlfriend to them, adding that he knew how disappointed Brendon must have been. Brendon had feigned crying, before inspecting Spencer's new girlfriend closely as she grew steadily more nervous, then announced that he approved.

They didn't see Spencer as much as Brendon would have liked. A lot of the time, Ryan intimidated Brendon too much to even ask if they could go anyway, and more often than not, Ryan would bring up the bar situation whenever Brendon asked to go out. Once in a while, Brendon would manage to drag Ryan out for a peaceful coffee with Spencer and his new girlfriend – Kayla.

Brendon complained that they needed to see Spencer more so that he could ensure that Kayla was the right girl for him, and that the short amount of time they had spent with her didn't confirm what he had initially said. Ryan had just stared at him and brought up the fact that he wasn't Spencer's mother or match-maker, and really didn't have much authority in Spencer's love life at all. Brendon had just huffed at him and crossed his arms childishly.

On Ryan's lunch break, he sat down opposite Spencer, who he conveniently shared his break with that day.

“How's Kayla?” Ryan asked him as he ate one of the cheap sandwiches he usually had for lunch.

“Good,” Spencer responded.

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Good is all I get?”

“She's... fantastic?” Spencer replied, unsurely.

“Good enough. Brendon says he might have to revoke his initial thought that he approved, because he hasn't been able to spend enough time with her to fully decide.” Ryan rolled his eyes as Spencer laughed.

“Gotta give it to him, he's very dedicated to his cause,” Spencer admitted. “And who would I have to blame for him not meeting Kayla enough?”

“... Father Time?” Ryan supplied, hopefully.

Spencer frowned.

“That's what I go by now,” Ryan added.

“Yeah, that's what I thought, Father Time.”

“I don't think it's gonna catch on.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Spencer shrugged and dug into his slightly more delectable meal, which was one of the restaurant's more elaborate dishes. “We'll have to arrange something to keep Brendon happy.”

“I guess we will.”

“What, you don't want to see me?” Spencer asked, mockingly offended.

“No, that's not it!” Ryan said, quickly. “Just... you know.”

“Yeah, you didn't like that night club. Not all bars are like that, just so you know. They're usually more mellow.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow, doubtfully.

“Seriously. It's usually just a bunch of old men drinking beer and laughing occasionally.”

“I'm twenty two, I don't want to go there anyway.”

Spencer laughed. “Yeah, which is why we went to the night club, but you hated that!”

“I'm a selective twenty two year old.”

Spencer reached over to pat Ryan's shoulder sympathetically. “Whatever you call yourself, we understand. Only non-frightening places.”

“Quaint places,” Ryan added.

“Ry, we're not meeting at Lights every single time.

Ryan raised his hands defensively. “It was just a suggestion, all right?”

“There are other restaurants – other coffee shops. How about a library? That mellow enough for you?”

“Maybe...”

“What do you mean, maybe?”

“I mean maybe.”

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Thanks, like I couldn't figure that one out.”

“You asked.”

Ryan eyed up the clock on the wall above them. “I'd better get back to work,” he added. “See you, Spence, we'll organise something tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Spencer said, slowly. “Tomorrow. I'm sure that will happen.”

“It will! Promise.”

“Fine, but if we don't, me and Brendon reserve the right to... do something. Horrible. To you.”

“Thanks for clarifying.”

Ryan returned to work and spent the rest of the day wondering what Brendon would be doing at McDonald's – whether he would be enjoying it or hating it, how angry he would be at customers, whether he would have made any friends. At least his shift would be finished by the time Ryan got home, so he could ask all his seemingly bland questions in the exciting tone he thought matched them. Ryan just wanted to know, because he wasn't sure how Brendon would take it. Especially after what had occurred the night prior. What if Brendon sunk away and didn't speak to anyone? What if he came home upset? What if his job wasn't what they had both glorified it to be?

It could happen very easily, and Ryan couldn't quite bear to see Brendon unhappy at something so constant.

*

Ryan waved goodbye to Spencer as he left Lights a few hours later, and he found his feet smacking the pavement loudly as he hurried along the streets, intent to get home. This was his excitement, this was the closest he wanted to get. He didn't need music and beer – he needed to hear about something new from someone else. Something boring, but something new. Something that could most likely be made interesting by Brendon's various facial expressions and reactions.

He had something to look forward to, he realised.

The walk seemed so long despite his quickened pace, and he almost breathed a sigh of relief when he jumped up the few steps into his building, then bounded up all the stairs to his floor. He almost took the elevator to get up there faster, but quickly abandoned the idea, deciding this wasn't quite worthy of wrecking an age-old tradition.

He grabbed the door handle to pull it open, only to find the door still locked. He shrugged and dug around his pocket for his key, then went inside. The apartment looked empty.

“Brendon?” he called out, but there was no reply.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, before he shrugged off his surprise. This was normal, wasn't it? They were living together, sure, and just because Ryan had been looking forward to getting home didn't mean Brendon had been.

Unsure of what to do, he hung up his keys and looked around the room, wondering if Brendon was about to pop out. When Brendon was still nowhere to be seen, he hesitantly started making a bowl of noodles, then sat down on the couch with them in his hands.

This was perfectly normal, he told himself. How many times had he been off to the supermarket or other place that he needed something from before he came home? He'd never even thought about it. Detours were a natural thing that happened to everyone, and the fact that Brendon hadn't immediately come home wasn't bad, or anything Ryan had to be worried about. In fact, he forced himself to smile. Surely, this was a good thing. This meant that his mind had sprang to something he needed to buy. Or maybe it even meant that he had befriended his co-workers, and had chosen to go out with them and enjoy himself in a way he couldn't with Ryan.

That was normal. And, in fact, it was the more expected option. Of course Brendon would have gone out with his co-workers. Brendon was an extrovert, and his personality was infectious. They would love him, just like Ryan had said about his employers. So, Ryan thought to himself, that was what had happened. Brendon had been invited out and was having so much fun he didn't want to refuse.

So, Ryan started to wait.

He finished his bowl of noodles and looked around for something else to do, then spotted the TV remote. He turned it on and started to watch the afternoon television, trying to sink into the shows in the way he had before Brendon had arrived at his feet. There was a certain shallowness to them all now that Brendon wasn't there to laugh beside him.

This was stupid. How could he be thinking that? Didn't Brendon deserve to have his own life, his own friends? Ryan couldn't force him to stay with him every second of the day. Besides, Ryan had lived on his own for ages, yet he had only had a room mate for a month or so. He couldn't get attached that fast, surely. It wasn't possible. He couldn't fall into such a routine, become so dependent on having someone sitting on the couch with him. Someone to fall asleep next to him and even wake him up in the night.

He didn't mind, he honestly didn't. He wasn't putting up with Brendon, he liked having him there. So much he started to rely on his company to entertain him.

Ryan was used to being alone – this shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did.

As the light began to fade and the room began to grow into shadows, worry started to erupt in his stomach as he realised that it was getting dark and Brendon still wasn't home. Was Brendon like that? Would he stay out all night? Would he go to a bar, get drunk and forget to come home?

Should Ryan have been worried, or was it just his dependence falling into over-drive?

He wasn't sure how he should have been acting. He never had to consider it before. He had never had to choose a way to act before, and he had never second-guessed his decision on how to act before.

After an hour or two, he made himself some toast with peanut butter, but he couldn't force himself to eat more than a few bites because his stomach seemed to be angrily rejecting the food in favour of making him feel worse about Brendon not being there. He looked pathetically at the bread, annoyed that he had wasted it, and thrown it in the bin.

A little too early, he let out a huge, heaving sigh to no one and stood up. He stretched both arms and his legs, his eyes still on the door as if it would suddenly whip open and Brendon would approach him, apologising. But nothing happened, the door remained shut, and Ryan gave up for that night.

He trudged over to his room and closed the creaky door behind him. He collapsed on his bed and tried to make himself fall asleep, but he just lay awake, first on his stomach, then on his back. He spent too long staring at the ceiling in wonder. Thinking about how much he had changed already.

Thinking about why he was so worried.

What if Brendon really decided to leave him?

The thought made his heart clench tight in his chest. There was so much to consider in that one thought. How would he live? He had been homeless for a long time, apparently, but there was something he was scared of, and Ryan had no idea what it was. Why had he been running the first time he met him? Why had he kept glancing back over his shoulder like a monster was about to charge up the street after him and take him away? Why would he leave? Was it really because he felt guilty, or was it because of something else?

What if he had grown tired of Ryan?

Ryan hadn't been abandoned in a long time, and he'd never even considered it happening with Brendon. Wasn't it realistic, though? Didn't most friends eventually grow apart? Was a month really the most time Ryan would be able to keep someone? Was he destined to a life of acquaintances and Friends re-runs?

Brendon couldn't run away from him. It couldn't happen. He just knew that it wouldn't happen. Brendon was different than other people – he was thankful for what Ryan had given him.

But Ryan couldn't help but think that Brendon could have easily lied to him, and he would never have known any better.