Fallen

“Jezzie-bell,” the voice purred over the phone. “When you coming back baby?”

She rolled her eyes. How had she fallen for that voice over and over again so many times? Now she knew better. Too bad it had come at the price it had. “If I see you again, it’ll be at your trial,” she hissed. “Got that?”

There was a heavy sigh over the phone. “Have it your way Jezz.” The phone clicked off and she buried her face in her hands. The last few weeks had been a nightmare, an endless parade of darkness. She wondered if it would ever end. She raked a hand through her thick dark curls. She wasn’t used to her hair being so clean and neat. She felt like she should be in court. Instead, she stood outside the hospital waiting for visiting hours to begin. She had been doing it every day since they had moved Henry from ICU and allowed him to have visitors. And to imagine…it was all her fault. No one could tell her differently either. If they knew the whole story, they would understand.

Henry Maddox had been her lawyer for the past two years and despite everything that she had put him through, he really was as bad a guy as she tried to make him out to be sometimes. She wished she could take quite a few of the things that she had said about him back. He didn’t deserve it. He had always just been trying to help. And look where it had gotten him. The little alarm on her phone went off alerting her that visiting hours were officially beginning. Jezzie ran a hand along her long white dress and went into the hospital greeting the woman at the desk by name before heading up to the third floor where Henry was being kept.

She hesitated at the door to his room. She did it every time. It was an impulse she couldn’t quite escape. It hurt to see him laid low like this. Would he ever wake up? She didn’t know and that made all of her sins seem so much worse. Jezzie took her usual seat next to his bed and watching him. “I got an A on my math test,” she finally said softly. “You were right; it’s not really that hard. Mr. Sykes says that I should be able to graduate on time as long as I keep up all this work. I want you to be there Henry.” She looked down at her hands clasped her in lap and then at his hand which lay on top on his blanket with tape holding down an IV in one of his many veins.

“I learned a new song on Monday. Claire brought her new CD to counseling. She says she’s found God. I don’t know if I believe her, but it’s good music. One of the songs…it reminded me of you. All of it. It’s as if they wrote it knowing that you and I were here. As if they knew you and they knew what I was thinking.”

I love the way that your heart breaks
With every injustice and deadly fate
Praying it all'll be new
And living like it all depends on you

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again

Love that you're never satisfied
With face value wisdom and happy lies
You take what they say and go back and cry
You're so close to me that you nearly died

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again

They don't have to understand you
Be still
Wait and know I understand you
Be still
Be still

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
The floodgates are breaking
And pouring out

Here you are down on your knees
Trying to find air to breathe
Right where I want you to be again
I love you please see and believe again

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
Right where I want you to be again
See and believe

She sang softly not wanting anyone to be disturbed, just wanting to sing for Henry. As the last note faded away she gently slide her hand around his and leaned forward until her face was almost touching his. “I really do love you Henry. I don’t know when it happened, but I do. Wake up please. I can’t lose you,” a tear rolled down her cheek and landed on Henry’s forehead. She kissed his forehead removing all evidence of the tear before she pulled away. Her lunch break would be almost over by now and she needed to get back to classes. “I’ll be back this afternoon. I promise.”

She walked to the door and turned back to look at him one last time. He hadn’t moved. His heart rate and blood pressure hadn’t even shifted in the slightest. She sighed and closed her eyes. Maybe the afternoon would give her something different.