So Close Yet So Far

The phone rings the next morning waking Joey and Ramona up.
"Too early." Joey gasps as buries his head in the pillow. Ramona reaches over to her night stand and grabs the phone.
"hello."
"Estelle, would you care to explain that picture."
"Hi Mikey." Ramona mumbles.
"Mona?"
"Yeah."
"Sorry, I thought you were Stella." Mike says apologetically, "What exactly happened?"
"Nothing, Joey and I went to see a movie got back and they were asleep on the couch, nothing more, they just fell asleep."
"I'd like to speak to my daughter please."
"Yeah sure, just let me find her." Ramona says as she gets up and walks out into the hallway, "Oh look she and Jake are having intercourse."
"Not funny Ramona." Mike says as he tries to contain his laughs, "Does you dad know you talk like that?"
"He's the one who taught me such words, accidentally of course." She says as she knocks on the guest room door, where Stella was sleeping.

"Yeah." Stella says opening the door.
"Poppy wants to talk to you."
"Oh fuck, is he pissed?"
"Not really." Ramona says handing her the phone and going back to her own room where Joey's head is now under the pillow.
"Morning babe." Ramona says as she lifts the pillow off his head to peck at his lips.
"Is my brother still here?"
"He's not in Stella's room." She says as she starts kissing his neck and smoothes her hands over his bare chest.
"Frisky are we?" he says in a fat bastard voice.
"Moment ruined." Ramona says getting up and leaving the room.
"Argh, Mona!" Joey calls after as he follows her downstairs. "I was just kidding around."
"I know." Ramona says evilly as she kisses him again. "I want breakfast."
"Jakey!" Joey yells as he jumps on the couch next to his sleeping brother.
"Argh, can't a guy sleep around here." Jakob mutters as he gets up and stretches.
"Nope, Mike's call woke us up, I just thought I'd share the love!" Joey says as he hugs his brother.
"Dude put some clothes on." Jakob says as he pushes his brother off of him.
"Awe but I'm so sexy." Joey whines as he lowers his boxers slightly to moon his brother before running back up to Ramona's room to get his clothes.

"Did he say Mike called?" Jake asks Ramona nervously.
"Yeah, he's talking to Stella now."
"Oh fuck, so my Mom showed him the picture."
"Guess so."
"Is he pissed?"
"Not really." Ramona says shrugging as the two of them walk into the kitchen, "I think he was expecting it to happen eventually." Stella runs into the kitchen with the phone in her hand.
"My Dad wants to talk to you." she says thrusting the phone at Jake.
"Uhh hello? . . . . .no Mike . . . . .sorry sir . . . .of course . . . .umm okay." Jake pauses and takes a deep breath, "Hey Dad . . . . no jeez, I'm not completely like Joe . . . . don't worry . . . . . .he threatened to chop em off!!! . . . . .alright talk to you soon." He hangs up the phone and places it on the counter.
"Who chop what now?" Joey says from the corner of the kitchen, where no one had seen him enter.
"Mike said if I did anything to disgrace or dirty up Stella he'd chop off my testicles." Jakob says slowly. "He kind of sounded serious."
"Don't worry, I'll make sure he doesn't do anything." Stella says as she wraps her arms around her new found boyfriend.
"Of course you won't, you want 'em in tact." Ramona teases.
"Ha-ha Tre didn't threaten to chop mine off." Joey taunts.
"He only threatened to kill you if you hurt me in any way." Ramona says as she pours herself a bowl of cereal.
"Well at least I'd still have my nuts." Joey says proudly as he too makes himself a bowl of cereal.
"They're no use to you if you're dead." Jake says as he digs through the cupboards and pulls out a box of chocolate pop tarts.

"Hey, isn't today Monday?" Ramona asks looking up from her cereal.
"Oh fuck it is." Stella says as she looks at her watch.
"So what if we're a bit late." Jake mutters carelessly.
"Mom told the principal about our situation and attendance." Joey says rolling his eyes.
"Oh fuck." Jake says nervously, "I need to shower."

The guys practically sprint back home to get ready for school. Meanwhile the girls speed through the house getting ready before heading out the door to meet the guys at the bus stop. They reach school half an hour late so they have to see the attendance officer.
"Why are you late?" she demands.
"We uhh missed the bus." Joey says glancing at the rest of us.
"All four of you?"
"Well yeah, the girls were taking long and we went to check to make sure everything was okay." Jakob says responsibly.
"Why were you late then ladies?" the evil witch asks.
"Well you see." Ramona says in practically a whisper, "Stella is staying over at my house this week because her mom's on a business trip."
"And how is this relevant?"
"Well it's just that she got her period this morning and since I don't get my period for another two weeks I didn't have and Kotex handy. So we were late because I had to search every drawer in my room for one." The woman looks over at Stella who's turning red.
"Alright." She says as she fills out the late slips. Joey and Ramona leave through one door to go to the high school building while Stella and Jake go out another to go to the middle school.

"What do we have first?" Joey asks as they head to the grade ten hallway, where their lockers are.
"Uhh drama, thank god." She says as she shoves her school bag into her locker. They hurry off to their class and give the teacher their late slips.
"We're continuing our scene work, your group is in the back of the auditorium." She says as she points to the most dimly lit part of the auditorium. The two of them head up the stars to where Tom and Robert are sitting.
"Why are you late?" Tom asks suggestively.
"We forgot it was Monday." Ramona mutters.
"What were you doing that made you forget it was Monday?" Robert asks evilly.
"Nothing." Joey says as he smacks both his friends upside the head.
"Owww you're mean." Robert says as he rubs the back of his head.
"Did she tell you what we're supposed to be doing?" Tom asks as he lies across the bench.
"Scene work." Ramona mumble.
"Did she tell you the theme?"
"Nope." Joey says as he leans against the brick wall of the auditorium.
"Oh fuck, this class is supposed to bring up my average." Rob says yawning.
"One of us should go ask her." Ramona suggest as she goes to lean against Joey.
"Not me." Joey says quickly.
"Rock, paper, scissors, ultimate loser has to ask." Tom suggests as he holds his fist up. Ramona goes against him first and wins, Tom plays against Rob and loses yet again. It was Joey's turn to go against Tom and he lost.
"I don't wanna go." Joey whines.
"You have to, you lost." Tom teases. Joey rolls his eyes and marches down the stairs to where the teacher in going through her mark book.

"Excuse me, Ms. Neville."
"Yes Joseph."
"What's the theme?"
"Secrets."
"Oh okay." Joey says as he runs back up the steps.

"Secrets." Joey says as he flops down on a bench.
"Oh I know! One of us can be Ramona's husband and she kills her husband to run off with another guy and . . . ." Robert gibbers.
"Where's the secret?" Tom asks lazily.
"I'm getting to that." Rob says waving about his finger, "You see the last person, witnessed everything, he can be a creepy janitor."
"Yeah, so like the husband can be filthy rich so they pay off the janitor to keep quiet."
"I wanna play the other man!" Joey says evilly as he wraps his arms around Ramona.
"Who will be my husband?" Ramona asks looking at the other two.
"Rob should play the husband, I'll play the janitor." Tom says as he rubs his hands together evilly.
"But I don't wanna die." Robert complains.
"Too bad!" Ramona says evilly. The four of them sit around discussing what will happen in the scene, but fail to actually practice. They figured they'd do as they always did and wing it.