‹ Prequel: Green Porcupine
Sequel: Meant to be ›
So Close Yet So Far
So close yet so far
After a real Christmas dinner at her grandparents' house Ramona comes home, well her New York home, jam packed with turkey and tired. Before she goes to bed she checks her email.
RAAMOONNAA!
Tis you're father here, yes the one you very much love. Any way today I wore those wonderful shorts you got me and do you want to know what Mike's reaction was? Too bad I'm telling you anyway. He said (and I quote) "Holy fuck they're back from the dead!" So when he set my last pair on fire it wasn't accident it was a plotted murder. This time I'm going to keep these babies safe. Merry Christmas kid.
The next email was from Joey.
Hey babe, how's New York? It must be boring there without me to entertain you and make you happy *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* ahh I'm just kidding around you missed a funny as hell Christmas dinner by the way. Mike was trying to set your dad's shorts on fire half the time and then there was the whole awkwardness between Jake and Stella that my dad couldn't help but make fun of. For your amusement purposes I have enclosed a photo of myself.
Love ya always,
Joey
Ramona opens the email attachment to find a picture of her boyfriend without a shirt. She decides to write back.
Hello loveliest boyfriend of mine, I really like the picture, it will get me through these lonely night (hardy har har) or I can trash the pic, pretend to miss you while I get a new boyfriend here, that way no matter where I live I'll have someone to call my own. Nah, that's too much work, I'll just stick with the picture. Bye babe!
Love ya lots,
Ramona
She then moves on to reply to her father's email.
Hey Dad, I've come to the conclusion that Mike hates green plaid. You could tell him you can only wear green plaid because your band name is GREEN day. If he bitches about the plaid tell him you're playing a homage to 80s punk, when I was over at grammas, Kent (my cousin in case you don't remember) brought the movie SLC Punk and it talked about 80s punk and I saw shitloads of plaid. Alright well I'm about to fall asleep so good night.
Christmas vacation in both Oakland and New York was otherwise pretty uneventful until one of the final days of Ramona's stay in New York. Her step-father Paul, well she called him Paulie took her to lunch. After lunch they headed back to the apartment.
"SURPRISE!" a bunch of voices yelled. Ramona looked around to see all her old friends standing there excitedly. There was a banner that said HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN RAMONA
Her mother comes up to her.
"Wow Mom."
"Yeah well I figured you'd want to get together with your friends before you left."
"Thanks." She says happily.
"Go, go enjoy your party."
*back in Oakland*
"Bye Mom." Joey says as he hugs his mother at the airport.
"See ya." Jake mumbles.
"Have a safe trip." Billie says as he hugs and kisses his wife.
"Alright, be good." Adie says as she picks up her carry on bag, "Don't set the house on fire." And she was off past the airport gates to go visit her family in Minnesota.
A few days later the three guys slump on the couch in front of the TV miserable as hell.
"I'm going to call Ramona." Joey says as he gets up from the couch leaving his brother and father. He picks up the kitchen phone and dials the number to Ramona's mother's apartment.
"Hello?"
"Hi, uhh Lisea, it's Joey."
"Hi Joey, how's it going." He could hear music blasting in the background. "Hold on Ramona is here somewhere."
"Hello?"
"Ramona."
"Joey!" she practically squeals.
"What's going on over there?"
"My mom and Paulie threw me an early birthday party so I could hang out with my old friends!" she says excitedly.
"So I guess you're having a blast."
"Oh yeah."
"Alright then I'll talk to you later." Joey says slightly disappointed.
"Joey, are you okay?"
"Yeah, call me when you're bored I guess."
"Okay, bye." Ramona says as she hears the phone go dead.
"What's wrong Joe?" Billie asks not looking up from the TV.
"Ahh, she's having a blast and I'm stuck here bored out of my mind."
"Not to mention lonely." Jakob says bitterly.
"Still heart broken then?" Billie asks but gets no response. "Tre and Mike are supposed to come over soon for band practice."
Tre let's himself into the Armstrong house and makes his way to the living room.
"Dudes, you all look like shit."
"Thank you." Billie says rubbing his face.
"Is it an Armstrong thing, where your life dependency relies on your older woman?"
"Older!" Billie says angrily.
"Hey, I just meant older than yourself, not old as in.... Well you know what I mean." Tre gibbers, "Face it, the pattern has developed here."
"Shut-up Tre." Jakob says pathetically.
"Jesus Christ, you three are pathetic." Mike says shaking his head as he enters the living room, "When was the last time you saw daylight? Or a shower?"
"Yeah, yeah." Billie says getting up lazily. The three rockers head down to the basement leaving Joey and Jakob alone.
"Do you think she misses me?"
"Mom always misses her baby." Joey says pinching his brother's cheek.
"Not her! Stella!"
"Yes! Stella is probably yearning for you! And finger banging to your picture as we speak!" Joey says dramatically.
"Really?"
"NO!"
"Fuck you."
"That's incest."
"Shut-up."
"So why'd you two love birds break up?"
"I don't know, she was just saying that it was weird going out with me because we've known each other our whole lives and shit about the age difference and paranoid Mike."
"That's pretty stupid, it's basically the same thing with Mona and I."
"Yeah well, technically you've known her forever, but she's been in New York most of that time, the age difference is only two months and Tre has every right to be paranoid, he friggin walked in on the two of you!" Jakob says angrily as he storms out of the room.
"Oh fuck! Ramona!" Joey says dramitcally.
RAAMOONNAA!
Tis you're father here, yes the one you very much love. Any way today I wore those wonderful shorts you got me and do you want to know what Mike's reaction was? Too bad I'm telling you anyway. He said (and I quote) "Holy fuck they're back from the dead!" So when he set my last pair on fire it wasn't accident it was a plotted murder. This time I'm going to keep these babies safe. Merry Christmas kid.
The next email was from Joey.
Hey babe, how's New York? It must be boring there without me to entertain you and make you happy *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* ahh I'm just kidding around you missed a funny as hell Christmas dinner by the way. Mike was trying to set your dad's shorts on fire half the time and then there was the whole awkwardness between Jake and Stella that my dad couldn't help but make fun of. For your amusement purposes I have enclosed a photo of myself.
Love ya always,
Joey
Ramona opens the email attachment to find a picture of her boyfriend without a shirt. She decides to write back.
Hello loveliest boyfriend of mine, I really like the picture, it will get me through these lonely night (hardy har har) or I can trash the pic, pretend to miss you while I get a new boyfriend here, that way no matter where I live I'll have someone to call my own. Nah, that's too much work, I'll just stick with the picture. Bye babe!
Love ya lots,
Ramona
She then moves on to reply to her father's email.
Hey Dad, I've come to the conclusion that Mike hates green plaid. You could tell him you can only wear green plaid because your band name is GREEN day. If he bitches about the plaid tell him you're playing a homage to 80s punk, when I was over at grammas, Kent (my cousin in case you don't remember) brought the movie SLC Punk and it talked about 80s punk and I saw shitloads of plaid. Alright well I'm about to fall asleep so good night.
Christmas vacation in both Oakland and New York was otherwise pretty uneventful until one of the final days of Ramona's stay in New York. Her step-father Paul, well she called him Paulie took her to lunch. After lunch they headed back to the apartment.
"SURPRISE!" a bunch of voices yelled. Ramona looked around to see all her old friends standing there excitedly. There was a banner that said HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN RAMONA
Her mother comes up to her.
"Wow Mom."
"Yeah well I figured you'd want to get together with your friends before you left."
"Thanks." She says happily.
"Go, go enjoy your party."
*back in Oakland*
"Bye Mom." Joey says as he hugs his mother at the airport.
"See ya." Jake mumbles.
"Have a safe trip." Billie says as he hugs and kisses his wife.
"Alright, be good." Adie says as she picks up her carry on bag, "Don't set the house on fire." And she was off past the airport gates to go visit her family in Minnesota.
A few days later the three guys slump on the couch in front of the TV miserable as hell.
"I'm going to call Ramona." Joey says as he gets up from the couch leaving his brother and father. He picks up the kitchen phone and dials the number to Ramona's mother's apartment.
"Hello?"
"Hi, uhh Lisea, it's Joey."
"Hi Joey, how's it going." He could hear music blasting in the background. "Hold on Ramona is here somewhere."
"Hello?"
"Ramona."
"Joey!" she practically squeals.
"What's going on over there?"
"My mom and Paulie threw me an early birthday party so I could hang out with my old friends!" she says excitedly.
"So I guess you're having a blast."
"Oh yeah."
"Alright then I'll talk to you later." Joey says slightly disappointed.
"Joey, are you okay?"
"Yeah, call me when you're bored I guess."
"Okay, bye." Ramona says as she hears the phone go dead.
"What's wrong Joe?" Billie asks not looking up from the TV.
"Ahh, she's having a blast and I'm stuck here bored out of my mind."
"Not to mention lonely." Jakob says bitterly.
"Still heart broken then?" Billie asks but gets no response. "Tre and Mike are supposed to come over soon for band practice."
Tre let's himself into the Armstrong house and makes his way to the living room.
"Dudes, you all look like shit."
"Thank you." Billie says rubbing his face.
"Is it an Armstrong thing, where your life dependency relies on your older woman?"
"Older!" Billie says angrily.
"Hey, I just meant older than yourself, not old as in.... Well you know what I mean." Tre gibbers, "Face it, the pattern has developed here."
"Shut-up Tre." Jakob says pathetically.
"Jesus Christ, you three are pathetic." Mike says shaking his head as he enters the living room, "When was the last time you saw daylight? Or a shower?"
"Yeah, yeah." Billie says getting up lazily. The three rockers head down to the basement leaving Joey and Jakob alone.
"Do you think she misses me?"
"Mom always misses her baby." Joey says pinching his brother's cheek.
"Not her! Stella!"
"Yes! Stella is probably yearning for you! And finger banging to your picture as we speak!" Joey says dramatically.
"Really?"
"NO!"
"Fuck you."
"That's incest."
"Shut-up."
"So why'd you two love birds break up?"
"I don't know, she was just saying that it was weird going out with me because we've known each other our whole lives and shit about the age difference and paranoid Mike."
"That's pretty stupid, it's basically the same thing with Mona and I."
"Yeah well, technically you've known her forever, but she's been in New York most of that time, the age difference is only two months and Tre has every right to be paranoid, he friggin walked in on the two of you!" Jakob says angrily as he storms out of the room.
"Oh fuck! Ramona!" Joey says dramitcally.