So Close Yet So Far

"Time to go on stage and look dead sexy for all the teenies." Tre says walking through a make-shift entertainment room off-stage.
"Ew Dad, what you do on stage is your business, please don't tell me this." Ramona says rolling her eyes.
"Okay, I'll tell you about the night you were conceived; well actually it was evening . . ." Tre says evilly.
"No! You can talk about your stageness all you want, just not that!" Ramona yells covering her ears.
"I knew you'd change your mind." Tre says walking out of the room smugly.
"I mock you." Joey says evilly.
"Shut-up, you were conceived before a few days before your parents were married, it's all over the internet." Ramona says evilly.
"Shut-up." He says looking back at the T.V.
"What does conceived mean?" Frankito asks dumbly, causing everyone else to laugh. "Oh yeah, now I remember." He shudders at the thought.
"Ramona," Jakob says evilly, "Joey wrote a song about you."
"What? No I didn't." Joey says confused.
"You wanna hear it?" Jakob says picking up a practice guitar that was lying in the corner; he starts strumming the guitar psychotically and belts out, "I wanna hump Ramona, so hard that she'll start to mona. I wanna hump Ramona . . ." his singing desists as Joey runs up to him and starts beating him up.
"Whoa!" Billie Joe says walking into the room and pulling his sons apart. "What's this all about?"
"That twerp said I made up a song about Ramona!"
"So, what do you care, you said yourself you were platonic." Billie says rolling his eyes.
"Tell him to sing the song!!!" Joey outbursts.
"Jakob."
"Nope, can't sing it." Jakob says crossing his arms.
"Sing it or you're both grounded."
"Fine." Jakob says as he recites the lines in monotone. "I wanna hump Ramona, so hard that she'll start to mona. I wanna hump Ramona."
"Jakob, I've heard enough!" Billie says distraught.
"Mr. Armstrong, you're on in one minute." a stage tech says checking his clipboard.
"We'll talk about this later." Billie says walking out of the room.

"I'm hungry." Frankito wails as he rolls on the floor hysterically.
"Then go get food." Ramona says rolling her eyes.
"I don't want to go to the kitchen alone! That tech guy doesn't trust me and he watches my every move!" Frankito says in a less than sane voice.
"I'll go with you." Jakob says rolling his eyes. "Stella you coming?" Estelle doesn't reply because she has headphones on. "Estelle Hero Pritchard, ARE YOU COMING!"
"What?" Estelle says removing the headphones.
"Are you coming with us to get food?" Jakob asks annoyed.
"Bring me back a popsicle please." She says putting the headphones back on as Jakob rolls his eyes. Frankito and Jakob leave the room in a quest for food.

"So did you really write that song?" Ramona asks, slightly weirded out.
"Fuck no." Joey says pissed off.
"Okay, just making sure." Ramona says shyly, "Cuz its okay if you did."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing." Ramona says shaking her head realizing Joey is doing a really crappy job reading the signs.
"Okay then." Joey says feeling extremely stupid, just realizing what she said was a pick-up line.
"We brought food!" Frankito says proudly, walking into the room with his arms wrapped around three bags of freshly popped popcorn.
"Sorry Estelle, we forgot your popsicle." Jakob says in a mocking tone as he puts an ice cold can of soda to the back of her neck.
"Ahh! I'm taking your soda for that." She says angrily as she snatches the can from his hand.
"Fine with me, I brought enough for everyone." Jakob says handing everyone a can.
"What movie are you watching?" Stella asks, finally putting away her headphones.
"Some Batman movie; really old one." Joey says shrugging.
"Oh, the Poison Ivy one?"
"Yeah, why are all girl villains such whores?" Ramona asks rolling her eyes.
"Psh, beats me." Estelle says taking a handful of popcorn.

***

"WOOHOO! Great show!" Tre says sitting on the sofa with all the kids.
"Dude, why don't you go shower." Jakob says disgusted.
"I thought you'd all like to soak in my B.O." Tre says shrugging as he gets up to take a shower.
"Jakob, I want to talk to you." Billie Joe says seriously. Jakob gulps nervously and follows his father to his dressing room. "I want to talk to you about that song."
"Dad, it was just a joke." Jakob says nervously, "You should know you've had plenty of joke songs."
"Yeah, but none of them are directed at an individual. Tre's songs as well, they're just jokes; no real people are involved in these songs. Your Ramona song was disrespectful, both to Ramona and Joey."
"I'm sorry." Jakob mutters. "You're not going to tell Mom, are you?"
"You know I'll have to." Billie Joe says letting Jakob out of his dressing room.