Star Crossed

"He's awake."

We were out the door without a minute to spare. We piled into Matt's car and made our way to the hospital as quickly as we could without breaking our necks along the way. I could hardly believe my ears when Brian Sr. called and gave us the news. Barely an hour previous we'd been recording a song about the tragedy, and now we were on our way to see our newly awakened friend. I could hardly wait.

We rushed into the hospital, running the rest of the way to Brian's room. More than one of the hospital's staff were shouting at us to slow down, watch where we were going, stop running in the hallways. Had it been any other situation, we may have listened to them. As it was, this wasn't any other situation. We weren't slowing down.

Jimmy was the first to reach the room. For a second I thought he had thrown the door right off its hinges with the way that he threw it open; lucky for us, he hadn't. It hit the wall hard and swung back at Matt, who caught it easily and forced it back open. I filed into the room after him, closely followed by Johnny. The four of us looked over to our friend.

And he smiled right back at us.

It was the first real sign of life that we'd seen from him since the crash; the relief was evident in the way that all of us relaxed. We each pulled up a chair and sat around the bed, Matt and Jimmy at either side of Brian while Johnny and I sat more towards his feet. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

"You look like hell, man," Matt said softly, the first to speak, "but fuck, it's so good to see you awake."

"We thought we'd lost you for a while there," Johnny added.

"It'll take more than a little crash to take me down," he chuckled, wincing slightly. Even his voice sounded broken. "Ain't got anything to worry about. I'll be back on my feet in no time."

"I knew you'd pull through," Jimmy replied smuggly. "You always do."

"'Course I do. I'm Synyster Gates." He propped himself up a little and looked around at us all. "So, what've I missed?"

"We've got a new song," Jimmy said proudly, sounding like a five-year-old bringing home his first piece of artwork. "It's fucking sweet! Wait until you hear it. We finished recording the demo not long before we got here."

"You guys recorded a new song?" he asked, looking stunned. "Fuck, how long was I out for?"

"Not really that long," Matt assured him. "The song just came together quicker than they usually do. Zack wrote it."

"Since when do you write songs?"

It took me a second to realise that this question was directed at me. I'd been too intently watching him. I cleared my throat and answered.

"Since I had something to write about."

"What's it about?"

Awkward silence. Jimmy was the only one who really seemed at ease, and that was only because he was leaning back in his chair as he observed one of the machines in the room. Matt stood up and beckoned for Johnny to follow him, not bothering to give Brian an explanation as to where or why they were going. He gave me a meaningful look before stepping outside; Johnny gave me a thumbs up; Brian gave me a confused look.

"It's, ah...it's about you," I told him, picking up the conversation where it had left off.

"What about me?" He raised an eyebrow. "Didja think I was gonna die? You saying goodbye in song? Don't go getting all sappy on me, man. That's not cool."

"It's not a goodbye," I assured him. "It's...a song about not telling people the things you should when you can, then almost losing your chance."

"...what the hell are you talking about?"

"I've been meaning to tell you something. I've been meaning to tell you something since we first met. I've just always been making excuses not to. But when you almost died...well, it just changed things."

"Dude," he cut me off. "Stop stalling and just spit it out already."

It was now or never. If I backed down here in this hospital room, I would never say it. And to make things worse, that meant he would just hear it from one of the others. While hearing it second hand would get me the hell out of dodge, it wouldn't feel right. I needed to get the message across myself. Not through somebody else. I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself as best I could.

"I'm in love with you," I told him, focusing on keeping my voice steady. "I have been for a long time. I don't know how it happened, but it did. It's not like anything I've ever felt before. For a long time it scared me, but then I realised it wasn't something I needed to be afraid of."

I stopped talking, realising that he was simply staring at me. His face was blank; I couldn't read anything from him. For a moment I was afraid that there was something seriously wrong with him. But he was still breathing. Things were okay. I breathed a sigh of relief - the second in as many minutes - when at last he spoke.

"You're kidding, right? This is some sick and twisted joke that you guys are playing on me. What gives? You couldn't come up with something a little less weird?"

My heart sank. I was ready for him to lash out. I wasn't ready for this.

"It's no joke, man. I'm serious."

Again, he simply stared at me. This time I could see it in his eyes that he was trying to work out whether I was being truthful or not. I gave him the most sincere expression that I could muster, hoping it would prove my point enough. I realised now that there was one thing worse than going through life without him knowing - going through life with him knowing, but thinking it was a joke. I needed him to believe me.

All four legs of Jimmy's chair met the floor again; Brian turned his attention to the man, his eyes questioning. I watched the pair of them closely. Jimmy merely shrugged and gave Brian a nod of confirmation. Brian turned his hazel eyes on me once again, and this time I felt my blood run cold.

"Get out."

"Bri, le-"

"OUT!"

I didn't need to be told again. I got to my feet and exited the room, avoiding the half-stunned, half-sympathetic looks of Matt and Johnny as I passed them. It figured that they would have heard the end of the exchange. Now I would never be able to look any of them in the eye again.

I didn't have my car, but I didn't live that far from the hospital anyway. I began the lonely walk home, ignoring the second glances of the people that I passed in the streets. Usually it was only the fans that did a double-take as I passed. Now it was everybody, taking a second look to verify whether or not those really were tears trailing down my face.

They were.