Star Crossed

Christmas.

It came faster than ever, and with it came the last song of our new record. It was a relief to know that all of the writing was done. Now all that was left to do was to go into the studio and lay things down. Something that all of us were very much looking forward to.

Christmas. It was usually a time of cheer. And for most of our gathering, it was. Matt and Val had finally tied the knot, and were enjoying the celebrations of their first Christmas as husband and wife. Michelle had managed to get to Brian to explain herself, and he had (in my opinion, stupidly) agreed to take her back. Completely. Which meant that they were around the corner from getting married, too.

The thought of it made me sick. After what she had done, I couldn't imagine why he would let her back into his life. I couldn't imagine why he would still want to marry her. But that was devotion for you. Just another reason that I loved the man. Yet another reason why I couldn't have him. Why I couldn't admit that I had feelings for him.

I pushed these thoughts out of my mind, chosing instead to drown away my sorrows with bottle after bottle of booze. It wasn't like anybody would notice. We were all drinking - it was a celebration, that's what we did - so even if they noticed that I wasn't laughing and joking around as much as I usually would have been, they weren't going to remember it.

My eyes drifted to Johnny, the only one who had ever come close to finding out. If he had realised more than I thought he had, he wasn't letting on about it. It was a little unnerving, not knowing if he had even the slightest suspicion about it. It had crossed my mind a few times that I should ask him, but that would be almost as bad as confessing to it.

Gena sunk down into the seat beside me, kicking her feet up onto my knees. After having neglected her so much over the past few months, I was surprised she was still around. If I were her, I would have given me the flick by now and run off with some other guy. I couldn't help but feel grateful that she hadn't chosen to do this. We may not have been head over heels in love, but we were still faithful to each other.

Well...she was still faithful to me. Given the chance, I would probably jump on Brian without a second thought for her.

"You seem tense," she noted. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I replied quickly, forcing myself to relax. I hadn't realised just how much I had worked myself up. "Sorry. I was just thinking."

"You wanna go home?" she asked sweetly. Reminding me of why I got with her in the first place. "I don't think they'll notice if we leave."

I glanced around at my friends. My second family. There was no doubt in my mind that she was right. I felt sure that they wouldn't mind. They wouldn't want me bringing them down, anyway. It was Christmas. They deserved to have fun. And it would be nice to be able to escape my thoughts of Brian for at least a little while.

"Sounds good," I replied at last. "Let's go."

Val was the only one that we really encountered on our way to the door, so we bid her farewell and told her that we would see her and all the others again soon. Much to my relief, she didn't put up a fight before telling us goodbye and returning to her husband. I allowed Gena to drag me out the door and over to our car. I extracted my keys from my back pocket as we approached it, clicking the button that would unlock the doors. Gena pecked me quickly on the cheek before climbing into the passenger side; with a small sigh, I made my way around to the driver's door and also got in.

I wasn't fall-over-your-own-feet drunk, but I shouldn't have been driving. That much was evident. Oddly, the thought of it didn't bother me as much as it should have. If I crashed the car and killed myself, it wouldn't be the worst possible thing to happen. If I crashed and killed Gena, on the other hand...

I slowed down as much as I could, glad that there was nobody driving behind me. Glader still that I didn't have to cross or turn onto the PCH. If Gena noticed our change in speed, she didn't mention it. I felt pretty certain that it hadn't earned any of her attention though, since she was busy dragging her perfectly manicured fingers along the inside of my thigh as she drunkenly giggled.

Of course that was one of the reasons she had wanted to get away from the party. If not the only reason. Between touring, writing and catching up with family and friends, then with her job and whatever else she had to run around and do all the time, the two of us really hadn't spent much time together lately. Did I think that she wasn't getting sex from somewhere else? No. Not that I would blame her if she was - as far as I was concerned, she had every right to. But that didn't change the fact that she liked sleeping with me.

A lot.

I parked in our driveway. She was unbuttoning my shirt before we even made it to the door of the house, and I had to act fast to prepare myself. Not that it was too hard. It had been at first. Mostly because of how guilty I tended to feel afterwards. It was bad enough that some guys pictured different girls when they were making love to their girlfriends. It had to be even worse that I was picturing another man.

The house was cold, but the friction between our bodies was a quick remedy for this. I liked having her lying beside me, even if it didn't mean the same for the both of us. So it was usually a good day when I woke up in the morning with her head resting on my chest.

Only this morning wasn't so great, because I was forced into alertness by the persistant ringing of my cell phone on the beside cabinet. I reached for it blindly, making a mental note to start turning it off before I went to sleep. Gena groaned against me, the peaceful look on her sleeping face turning to one of annoyance. I managed to grab my phone and answer it.

"'Ello?"

"Zack, you need to get up."

Matt's voice came through the phone loud and clear, and there was no denying his tone. I was alert at once.

"Dude, what is it?"

"There's been an accident. Brian's in the hospital. It's bad."

And with that, my world shattered.