Star Crossed

Nightmare.

We'd just written a song of the same title. But looking back on it now, I found the song wasn't fitting enough. This, what we were going through now, was a true nightmare. I swore that it couldn't be real, but I wasn't waking up.

We were stuck in the painfully plain waiting room. Blank, cream coloured walls. Sterile, uncomfortable chairs. Cheap wooden tables with severely out-dated gossip magazines. Doctors and nurses coming, then going, then coming again - only to inform us that there was no news yet. It made me want to tear my hair out.

It didn't seem possible. It couldn't be real. Not even twelve hours ago we'd been together laughing and having a good time, and now we were expected to believe that one of our own number was in a state of unconsciousness. Unstable. Possibly dying.

I wanted to tear my hair out. I wanted to scream. I wanted to find the guy responsible for hitting Brian's car and put him in an unconscious state of his own. But we all felt that way. One look at any of our faces would have told the world that.

I checked the time. Half past nine. Just over three hours since Matt had called me, although it felt like a month. I sighed and sunk lower into the plastic chair, aimlessly picking at my nails. I probably looked like a homeless person. I'd barely had time to throw on yesterday's clothes before I'd run out the door. Without my shoes. Hair a mess.

Unlike Gena, who'd refused to leave the house looking the way she had. So, of course, I'd left without her. There was no question in my mind who was more important.

And I was going to tell him so. The minute that Brian woke up, I was going to tell him how I felt. I was going to tell him that I loved him. Because he needed to know. He'd always needed to know. I could see that now. I should have told him the moment that I myself had been sure of it. I'd been wasting all of these years with him, wanting something more but never acting on it. And now here it was, about to slip away.

It would either get me killed or make my year. Either way, it was going to be a huge load off my shoulders. And, of course, it was the right thing to do. It always had been. And now I was kicking myself internally, because I may have lost my chance.

Even thinking along these lines made me feel sick to my stomach. We couldn't lose him. He was our brother. He was invincible. He was Synyster fucking Gates for crying out loud.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Matt jump to his feet as a man approached us. I snapped out of my state of thinking and focused on what was happening. There was no need to move. Matt would handle everything. Our fearless leader. And besides that, I wasn't sure if my legs could handle it.

"You're Mr. Haner's family?"

"Yes." Matt's voice was calm, much like his general appearance. But I knew him better than that. In response to the doctor's doubtful expression, he added, "Some things run deeper than blood. Please, just tell us what's going on."

"Is he gonna be alright?" Typical Jimmy, cutting right to the most important part. He'd jumped to his feet in his eagerness to know; I could see that the doctor was intimidated by this, but before I had a chance to tell Jimmy to back off a little he was shouting, "Speak, goddamnit!"

"I-It's hard to say," the man stammered. "You need to understand, there's only so much that we can do until he wakes up. And that's if he wakes up at all. He's stable for the moment, but that could easily change."

"Oh, he's waking up," Jimmy replied confidently. You'd better believe it, motherfucker. He's gonna wake up and kick all your fucking asses for making us wait around here so long!"

I drowned out Jimmy's words, quickly finding myself lost in my own head again. Nightmare. That was all I could think. This couldn't really be happening.

Michelle didn't seem to agree with my way of thinking. She was curled up in her sister's arms, not ashamed to show that she was bawling her eyes out. Val was crying too, and seeing them both like this only sparked an anger in me. Anger again towards the loser who'd hit Brian's car. And anger towards Gena, who clearly didn't care for Brian as much as the rest of us did.

"Zee?"

My head snapped up when I realised that Matt was speaking to me. For a moment he watched on with concern, but I quickly waved this aside and motioned for him to speak again.

"I'm gonna head out to meet B.S. before he gets here," he explained for what I guessed was the second time. B.S. Brian Senior. He'd been off visiting some cousins when this had all happened, but was on his way as we spoke. "The fans need to know. And I think you should be the one to tell them."

"Why me?"

"Do you trust Jimmy or Johnny with technology?" I cracked a slight grin despite myself, knowing he'd meant this as a joke. "You know how to use all that stuff. And you have a way with words. Just do what you can."

I nodded, climbing to my feet. There was a moment in which I couldn't remember how to get my legs to work and my eyes absently drifted off down the hall, in the direction of where we knew Brian was. I was dying to see him for myself - just to see that he was at least still breathing - but I resisted the urge to run down there. The last thing I needed was to be thrown out of the hospital.

"We'll call if anything changes," Johnny assured both Matt and I.

The quicker I got this done, the quicker I could come back. This thought alone was what got me moving, first out of the hospital and then into my car. The drive home was mercifully quick, and I was inside and at my computer in a flash. I was waiting for it to boot up when Gena came down the stairs.

"Didn't expect to see you back so soon," was the first thing she said when she saw me.

"Where the hell were you?!" I asked at once, that sudden burst of anger returning. "You were supposed to come right after you fixed yourself up!"

"I figured you'd call if anything was up."

I snorted and sat down at the computer, clicking open the things that I needed. I pulled the keyboard towards myself and looked back at the screen, wondering where to begin.

"You're a mess, baby. Why don't you clean yourself up and we'll go out to lunch or something?"

"I'm not gonna be here long," I told her through clenched teeth. "I'm just doing this quickly and then going back to the hospital."

"Oh."

"You coming?"

"Ah...no, I th-"

"Then you'd better not be here when I come back."

I took her stunned silence as my cue to start writing. I vaguely noticed her departing, not saying a single word to me before she left. I pushed her out of my mind, needing to focus on what I was writing. It was absolutely essential that I worded things right. People needed to have hope, but also - as much as I hated to admit it - be prepared for the worst.

I hit publish. And instantly we were getting responses from all around the world, telling us to stay strong and that they would keep Brian in their prayers. Family. That's what this was. That's what Gena wasn't.

I shut down the computer again, and grabbed my keys. I had somewhere more important to be.