Because You Shine Brighter, Than Anyone Does

I haven’t always lived in Australia.

I’m originally from a little town in Yorkshire called Sheffield, it was a lovely place. It always has been and always will be my home.
My family life wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either. Things started going downhill though, when I turned 12.
I knew from about 10 years old that there was something wrong with my mum, mentally. But on my 12th birthday it got to the point where she needed medical help, and fast.
She was diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder. One day she was my mum, the next day she could be someone completely different and have no idea where she was; those days were the hardest.
She was hospitalized on my 12th birthday. For the first six months I went and saw her as much as I possibly could, what I didn’t know was that when I was seeing my mother, my dad was filing for a divorce. When the divorce was finalized, dad stopped me from seeing my mum and introduced me to my new mother, Molly. Dad met her after the divorce went through. I always hated my dad for ditching mum when she needed us the most, but he said that it was too much and that he couldn’t stand around and watch her deteriorate; that hurt a lot.
A week after dad and Molly were “officially” a couple she moved in with us; which I was pissed off about because I had only met the woman once, and she looked like a bitch.
We never got along, we never tried to. Well, I never tried to, I didn’t see the point, she wasn’t my mother, and I didn’t owe her anything.
As soon as she moved in, I tried to stay away from home as much as possible. I crashed at friends’ houses, only staying at my house about two nights in a week.

I had a tight group of friends that were always there for me. They always protected me, kept me from seeing things that I shouldn’t have. I didn’t have any friends my age, they were all two years older than me, and because my dad didn’t like them, I hung out with them more and more.
Because most of my friends smoked, I picked up the dirty little habit too, keeping it from my dad so he wouldn’t bust my chops.
There was one guy in my group that I fell for. He was tall for his age, had wonderful hazel-green eyes, snake bites, black hair that was always straight and fell into his eyes, and a couple of tattoo’s here and there. He was incredibly gorgeous and had an innocent but mischievous and cheeky grin that mad my knees go week.
I was really close with his brother, who was my age. He was my best friend and we got along so well. I went to him for everything, told him everything about me, except for me liking his brother. He was my shoulder to cry on, my safety blanket. And because I was at his house all the time, I became really close to his brother too. But I found out that he was a player and slept with a lot of girls; basically a fuck and chuck guy. And even though my mind was telling me not to fall for him, I still did.
Who is this, you may ask? Oliver Scott Sykes.

There was one other girl in the group that I usually talked to other than Tom, Oliver’s brother. She didn’t know half the shit I usually told Tom, but she was good to talk to about the girly stuff. She was a lot like Oli. She slept with a lot of guys, sometimes for money, but she was still my friend and sadly she was the only other girl I knew that I could talk to, except my mum, but I couldn’t talk to her. Her name was Sj Whiteley.
It was one weekend where it was just myself and Sj, the guys were out getting alcohol for a party that night.
We were talking and I told her that I liked Oli. She just smiled at me and didn’t say anything; which is out of character for her because she usually liked to gossip something wicked. So I left the subject and didn’t say anything else.
Later that night, after everyone left I was walking around making sure that no strangers were passed out in the bathroom or something. I never drank when I was at a party with the boys; I wanted to make sure that they were fine and getting them drinks. I wasn’t even thirteen yet. I wasn’t thinking and I walked into a room without knocking.
I saw Sj, with her legs spread and Oli thrusting into her. I stood there stunned for a couple of seconds then slammed the door shut and ran out of the house. It was 3 in the morning and I had tears, eyeliner and mascara running down my face, talk about vulnerable.
I didn’t go out of the house for the rest of the weekend and kept away from everyone at school on the Monday. I stayed in the library, somewhere I knew the guys would never look.
I got home from school that day and my father broke the news to me that we were moving, all the way over to Australia. It was for Molly’s work. She was a model and in that point in time they needed her in Australia. We were to move exactly 3 weeks after I caught Oli fucking Sj, which was also the day before my 13th birthday.

The weekend before I left I went and told all the guys, except Oli, that I was moving to the good ‘ol outback. I had become really good friends with Matty and Curtis over the last six months so it was heartbreaking to say goodbye to those two and Tom. All three of them told me to never hold back, have fun and make a shit load of friends. And they each whispered in my ear that they were gonna miss me the most.
Vegan told me to never try tofu from Australia because it tasted like dog shit, not that I ate it. I didn’t want to know why he knew what dog shit tasted like, so I dropped the subject. He gave me a hug and passed me on.
“It’s not gonna be fun anehmore, now tha’ yeh leavin’ Emmeh. Who’s gonna look after us when we’re bein’ gits an’ drinkin’,” Lee said. I shook my head, hugged him tight and told him that they’ll be fine.
“Tell Olleh I said bye. It ‘urts teh much if I face ‘im,” I whispered to Tom and left. I didn’t see the guys again after that weekend.

I arrived in Australia on the 25th of November, my 13th birthday. What a way to spend the day huh.
I was put into school straight away even though the Christmas holidays were just around the corner.
Not much happened that year; I went to school, done my homework and stayed at home on the weekends. I didn’t make any friends; it was kinda hard to when I couldn’t trust anyone.
On my 14th birthday I met a girl named Elsie. She was a bubbly and lively character, always told you how it was and always had a smile on her face.
I was swinging on a swing at the park when she skipped over and smiled at me. Dad and Molly were out of town for my birthday and I was pissed off. She asked me if she could sit on the other swing and swing with me. I looked at her confused for a couple of seconds before I nodded; why in the world would this stranger want to sit next to me? She beamed at me and sat down.
Neither of us said anything for a while until curiosity got the better of me and I asked her why she wanted to swing with me. She looked over at me, smiled and said “I want to be your friend. You looked sad and I don’t like it when people are sad, it makes me uneasy,” from then on, there was no more awkward moments. She became my best friend and we couldn’t be separated.

The next two years were horrible. I was fighting with dad and Molly all the time and it was about insignificant little things; like, the music I listened to and they way I dressed. My dad started working more than usual and was never home, which meant I had to stay home with the wicked witch from the west.
When I was 15 he caught me smoking and tried grounding me which didn’t work and I ran to Elsie’s house. That’s pretty much all I was good at, running.
Than six months after my 15th birthday I got a call from the Sheffield Mental Hospital. My mum, who in a state of one of her different personalities, tried committing suicide by slicing her wrists; how she got something sharp enough beats me. I told my dad that I wanted to go home to be there for mum.
“She is no longer in our lives Emileh. Yeh need teh forget about ‘er, because the woman we used teh know is no longer around,” is what he said. I spat in his face and raced out of the house to my, then, boyfriends house. He answered the door to me crying and quickly ushered me in. I told him what happened and he said that he couldn’t be with me anymore. “Your family is too fucked up for me babe. I don’t want a girlfriend who has a nut job for a mother and an asshole for a father,” I slapped him in the face, ran out of his house and to Elsie’s; I told her what happened and she let me cry on her shoulder.
I went home that night and didn’t speak to my dad for six months.
On my 16th birthday I moved out of home and in with Elsie, who lived with her mum and younger sister.
After I moved in with Elsie I stopped skipping school and got a job in a music store to help pay the bills and put food on the table. The job only lasted a year. After I got fired Molly came round one day and gave me a credit card with five thousand dollars on it. She didn’t say anything else except that every week her or my father would put another five grand on it. I thanked her and she left. Instead of helping with the bills I paid them off every two weeks after that day. I had to do something for them letting me stay for that long. I also took Elsie and Claire, her sister, shopping at the end of every week so they could get whatever they wanted.

Elsie and I graduated from high school in October of 2005 and basically partied every weekend for about two months. They have this thing in Australia called leavers week. Basically the year 12’s that graduated from high school get a group of friends together, go anywhere they want and party for a whole week straight. Because it was only Elsie and I, we went to the Gold Coast for the week and partied hard. We met a bunch of guys the first night there and stayed with them for the week. One guy in the group reminded me of Oli and I developed a little crush on him. He was absolutely gorgeous. His lip was pierced, had the most beautiful ice blue eyes, except for Tom, I had ever seen and just had the persona about him that read ‘bad boy’. We hooked up multiple times that week, though we never had sex, and he was just so fun to be around. I got his number at the end of the week; never talked to the guy again.
Months passed and after New Years, Elsie and I settled down with the partying. We still went out together every now and then but it wasn’t every weekend.
On June 21st I bought two tickets for Elsie and I to go to Bali for her 18th birthday. We only stayed for the weekend, but it was the best weekend I had ever had. It’s so cheap over there, we bought so much alcohol and because we spent so much we each got a free Bintang singlet and we were heaps stoked.
Months passed again and I could see a change in Elsie. She wasn’t her usual self. She was smiling less and less each day and she wasn’t happy. I had been talking to Caroline, Elsie’s mum, about going back to Sheffield when I turn 18. She thought it was a good idea that I bring Elsie with me. “I’ve seen a change in my daughter Em, she isn’t herself. She needs a change of scenery. When you go back, I want Elsie to go back with you,” I asked if she was sure, she nodded and told me that she was as sure as one can get. I thought about it for three months after that night and decided that Elsie was to come home with me. I paid for two tickets to Sheffield and it was done.
I told my dad that I was going back home and he said “That’s not a good idea Emileh. But yer old enough teh make yeh own choices. ‘M gonna start puttin’ ten grand on yeh card from now on,” I hugged him and said my last goodbye.
It was hard saying goodbye to Caroline and Claire, they had become my family and I would miss them terribly.
Elsie and I packed everything we had and left for Sheffield on the 23rd of November 2006, two days before my 18th birthday.

And here we are now, in a hotel, eating room service the night before my 18th birthday.