Forgotten
The End
I find myself at my whit’s end. I promised that I would never do this, but sometimes we can’t keep our promises. I am eternally sorry for that. I will be paying for it the rest of my life, but it is better than living knowing how you feel about me and how you see me. I cannot bare the side-long glances of pity and the not-so-hidden looks of disgust. I feel them always. It’s as if they are hounding me. They never let me be. They never let me forgot who I am and what happened. It wasn’t my fault. At least that is what you keep saying, but your lips do your eyes no service. You’re lying. You think it was my fault. You blame me. You always have and you always will.
She took a deep breath and looked up at the white ceiling. This was harder to write than she had imagined it would be. She couldn’t leave them without an explanation though. She had considered doing just that at first. The idea had been more than tempting. It had been almost overwhelming. The fear that she might lose her nerve if she tried to start explaining it and someone came. But no one would come. They were too afraid to. They had been for a long time now and she couldn’t take it anymore.
I remember when you used to come to comfort me from my nightmares. You won’t have to lay awake at night and listen to my screams anymore. I know how much it pains you to look at me, but now you won’t have to. You can forget the shame just as you’ve forgotten what I used to be. I was your daughter once. I was your sister. I was your girlfriend. I was your best friend. I guess that none of that matters anymore. Besides, I didn’t want this good-bye to be all about blame. I wanted to remember the happy times. I wanted to tell you that I still love you all. And despite what you might think…I understand.
I want you to remember me as I was before everything, before I brought you all so much pain. The way that we would laugh together at our silly private jokes and cry during our favorite movie scenes, those are the memories I want to leave you with. I want Dad to remember all the times we went fishing when I was little before I thought I was too mature for that kind of thing. I lied. I wasn’t too mature. I was too afraid of being ridiculed by my friends. I wish I had been bolder. Mom, I want you to keep my necklace that you bought me when we went to Disneyworld and saw Cinderella. You remember, I was five and you could hardly keep up with me. I treasured that always. I wanted to wear it on my wedding day. I guess now I’ll never get to.
Max, I know that you said you hated me that day. But I know you didn’t mean it. I know you love me. And never forget, none of this was your fault. I made my choices. I have paid those prices. I want you to live a long and happy life for the both of us. Make me proud kiddo. Daniel…I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop him from doing what he did. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you that night. I’m sorry I’ll never get to be the bride in white who walks down the aisle and tells you “I do.”
Her hand had started to tremble. She wondered if they would even be able to read the letter. It didn’t matter now. She had written it and it was too late to turn back. She looked at the Greek columns around them. She had always wondered what they were called. Now she would never know. It was just one of those little things you began to regret when you knew your life would soon come to an end. She folded the letter with shaking hands. It was getting worse. She slid off the little stone altar that she was sitting on and managed to collapse on the ground, leaning back against it. Her breathing was becoming heavy. She had thought that she would have more time than this. The poison was working faster than she had thought it would. She clutched the letter to her chest feeling her hand spasm and squeeze tight around it. It wouldn’t fly away. They would get to read it. That was all she wanted. She folded her arms and rested her head on them and the stone altar.
She closed her eyes as a spasm rocked her body.
A tear fell down her cheek.
She died in peace.
She took a deep breath and looked up at the white ceiling. This was harder to write than she had imagined it would be. She couldn’t leave them without an explanation though. She had considered doing just that at first. The idea had been more than tempting. It had been almost overwhelming. The fear that she might lose her nerve if she tried to start explaining it and someone came. But no one would come. They were too afraid to. They had been for a long time now and she couldn’t take it anymore.
I remember when you used to come to comfort me from my nightmares. You won’t have to lay awake at night and listen to my screams anymore. I know how much it pains you to look at me, but now you won’t have to. You can forget the shame just as you’ve forgotten what I used to be. I was your daughter once. I was your sister. I was your girlfriend. I was your best friend. I guess that none of that matters anymore. Besides, I didn’t want this good-bye to be all about blame. I wanted to remember the happy times. I wanted to tell you that I still love you all. And despite what you might think…I understand.
I want you to remember me as I was before everything, before I brought you all so much pain. The way that we would laugh together at our silly private jokes and cry during our favorite movie scenes, those are the memories I want to leave you with. I want Dad to remember all the times we went fishing when I was little before I thought I was too mature for that kind of thing. I lied. I wasn’t too mature. I was too afraid of being ridiculed by my friends. I wish I had been bolder. Mom, I want you to keep my necklace that you bought me when we went to Disneyworld and saw Cinderella. You remember, I was five and you could hardly keep up with me. I treasured that always. I wanted to wear it on my wedding day. I guess now I’ll never get to.
Max, I know that you said you hated me that day. But I know you didn’t mean it. I know you love me. And never forget, none of this was your fault. I made my choices. I have paid those prices. I want you to live a long and happy life for the both of us. Make me proud kiddo. Daniel…I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop him from doing what he did. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you that night. I’m sorry I’ll never get to be the bride in white who walks down the aisle and tells you “I do.”
Her hand had started to tremble. She wondered if they would even be able to read the letter. It didn’t matter now. She had written it and it was too late to turn back. She looked at the Greek columns around them. She had always wondered what they were called. Now she would never know. It was just one of those little things you began to regret when you knew your life would soon come to an end. She folded the letter with shaking hands. It was getting worse. She slid off the little stone altar that she was sitting on and managed to collapse on the ground, leaning back against it. Her breathing was becoming heavy. She had thought that she would have more time than this. The poison was working faster than she had thought it would. She clutched the letter to her chest feeling her hand spasm and squeeze tight around it. It wouldn’t fly away. They would get to read it. That was all she wanted. She folded her arms and rested her head on them and the stone altar.
She closed her eyes as a spasm rocked her body.
A tear fell down her cheek.
She died in peace.