Letters From Cages

I walked through an awkwardly lit hallway with fluorescent lights beaming above my head. The clicking of my heels against the floor combined themselves with the deep heaviness of the footsteps of the guard that was leading me to Carter. I took a deep breath and tried to keep calm; this would be the first time I’d see him since that day in court.

“He’s right in there,” The guard said to me. “Is this your first time?” I looked up at the tall man and stifled a smile and then nodded, before he opened the door for me and I entered the room. There were tables spread out in lines and sparse inmates speaking with their wives or close family members, Carter was sitting in one with his head down, his hands in cuffs. As he heard my shoes against the hard surface of the ground he looked up at me and a large smile grew on his face. He stood up, but before I could let him even try to touch me, which I don’t even think was allowed, I sat down at the other side of the table. His shoulders sunk and then he sat back down in his seat as well. We looked at each other for a few seconds before he finally spoke.

“Thanks for coming to see me,” He said.

“Yeah, well, you asked me to,” I replied and ran my fingers through my dark blonde hair.

“Gwen, please, you’ve got to believe me. You’ve got to. You’re supposed to stand by me, you’re my fiancé,” Carter stated with sharpness to his voice.

“No,” I replied. “No, I’m not.” I lifted my hand up to show him his grandmother’s old flamboyantly large ring was now not located on my finger. “I gave the ring back to your mother.”

Carter stayed still for a second; he looked at me in shock before aggressively running his hands through his hair that used to be short, but was now growing long.

“Why would you do that,” He moreso stated than asked.

“Because I can’t be with someone who is in prison, Carter, that’s why,” I replied. “You’re here for life. What do you expect me to do? Do you think this is solid base for a relationship? We’re lucky I even got to have a contact visit with you and not one where we’re stuck behind glass with a telephone to our ears. I can’t be in this relationship. No matter how much I love you, I can’t do it.”

Carter stayed silent for a while before a small sarcastic smile formed on his lips.

“I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t get married then, huh Gwen?” He replied. “In sickness and in health. For better or worse. You wouldn’t have been able to follow through with it.”

“Are you really condescending me?” I replied and laughed bitterly. I could tell Carter was somewhat surprised by my outspokenness. It was out of my character. “Look where you’re sitting. Look what is around your wrists and your ankles, Carter. You have no right or justifications to be patronizing me.”

Carter looked back up at me, his eyes bloodshot and glazed over with tears about to fall.

“Do you love me?”

“Carter-”

“No, Gwen,” He said behind his teeth. “Do, you, love me?”

“It’s not that simple!” I said loudly. I looked up and saw a few guards looking in our direction.

“Yes, it is, you’re just not letting it be simple,” Carter replied. “Remember those days in my mother’s garden? When we’d sit around and talk about everything? Where we had our first kiss? When I told you I loved you for the first time? Was that not simple?”

I paused for a second and finally let a tear fall down my face. I wanted to reach out and grab his hands that were laying limply on the table wrapped in handcuffs. I wanted to be like the other women in this room who were holding on to their lovers’ hands because that was all they could do. But that wasn’t who I wanted to be. I couldn’t be them.

“Gardens are simple, Carter, but bars are not.”

I then stood up and looked down at the boy I loved while my stomach felt as if it was sinking further and further.

“Gwen, no, come on, don’t leave, Gwen you know I didn’t do this. You know I’m not capable of killing someone. It was Jerry. He did it. You know this. I didn’t kill Daniel. You know I didn’t do it, Gwen!”

By now Carter was almost screaming and I felt an arm at my wrist.

“You need to leave now, miss,” Another guard said and began to lead me out. I looked behind my shoulder to see Carter standing with a guard behind him.

“Damnit Gwen! You know I didn’t do it!” He screamed while the guard yanked on his wrists.

Tears freely fell down my face as I was led back into the hallway as Carter shouted my name one last time, and then the door closed.



I remember almost every afternoon, Carter would call Freigle’s Grocery and order completely random things for me to deliver. I’d be sweeping the floor and Percy would come up to me and say, “Another order from the Wright household. You must be making quite the impression on that Carter boy of theirs. He is always calling for deliveries.”

I’d just smile and take the delivery slip from him and grin the whole way driving to his house.

On a particularly cold afternoon, I drove up to his house and the gate was already open, so I drove through the driveway and parked. I grabbed the bags full of muffins and bagels and a carton of milk and walked up the steps. Just as I was about to knock on the door, it swung open to reveal a boy who seemed a little younger than us. He had dirty blonde hair and dark brown eyes and was extremely tan and young looking. He had on baggy jeans and a shirt that was way too long for him.

“Excuse me,” He said while passing by me. He got onto a bike that was at the side of Carter’s large house and I watched him as he cycled away. I turned back to the door to see Carter standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe.

“Well, hello,” He said and shot me an award winning smile. “I didn’t know you’d be here so early, sorry about that.”

“It’s alright,” I replied. He moved and I walked into his house and went straight to the kitchen where I set down the bags. Carter stood behind me and I fidgeted with the bags awkwardly. It was quite sad how just his presence made me nervous. I turned around and looked at him, and couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect he seemed to be. “So, um, who was that boy?” I asked, trying to make conversation. Carter grabbed the carton of milk and walked to put it in his refrigerator.

“Oh him? He’s just a kid I’m tutoring,” Carter replied. “He lives down the street.”'

“What’s his name?” I asked but didn’t really know why exactly I did.

“Daniel,” Carter responded and closed the refrigerator door. “Daniel Cody.”