I'd Give Everything Up Just To Leave With You Tonight
Four.
Alex’s POV
I don’t know what happened after I passed out, it was all a blur of confusion and panic. I don‘t even know how long I was ‘out‘ for but when I came round, I was sitting in an ambulance with a damp cloth placed against the side of my head, a throb pounding against my skull as I watch the paramedics and police officers fuss around Jack.
I have no idea what happened to him but what I do know and what is burning bright inside of me, is the urge to find out and nothing is going to stop me until I have. The notion behind my urge? It’s simple. Seeing the one I love like a bloody corpse, it’s enough to get my fullest attention and for me to seek out the person who did it, unleashing all my built up energy on them until they look the same as what Jack does. I could never do it though, as much as I want to, I just can‘t bring myself to do it, no matter how much they deserve it.
“Sir?” A voice says from beside me.
I shake my head out of the small trance that I was in and look up at the person was sat beside me, a paramedic. He was looking at me cautiously as if I was about to pass out again or worse, throw up.
“Are you ok?” He asks me, in a worried tone.
I don’t know why he’s asking me that, is he really that stupid? I just saw my best friend…my love…in a bloody pile on the floor at an entrance of a dark alley, how on earth would I be alright? Doesn’t the tears that are still trickling down my face show that I’m not alright? Or is he just too blind and too dumb to think about that?
I let out a small sigh as I look back down at my hands, it’s not as if he really cares how I am anyway, he gets paid to make small talk with the casualties and their…partners. What am I suppose to say anyway? ‘Yeah I’m on top of the world, thanks for asking!’ It’s ridiculous, I can’t even describe to myself how I’m feeling at the moment, and to tell you the truth…I don’t even think that I want to know or understand how I’m feeling.
“Listen…I know what you must be feeling right now…” The paramedic starts to explain, but I don’t let him continue, I was ready to lose it.
“How on earth would you know how I’m fucking feeling?! How could you even understand?!” I cry out as I throw the damp cloth down before shoving my head into my hands, pulling at the already messy strands. “How can you…how could…how…”
The paramedic gets up, placing both hands upon my shoulders, shaking me slightly as he kneels down in front of me, his eyes level with my own, bleary and bloodshot.
“Do you really think that I don’t understand how you’re feeling?” He asks me calmly, his eyes not straying from mine as I look up at him, the tears stinging at the corner of my eyes. “I understand how you’re feeling more than you think because…the same thing happened to my girlfriend…departed girlfriend…a month ago.”
That certainly caught my attention. I suddenly felt really guilty and embarrassed with how I had just acted. I could see the hurt and sorrow in his eyes, he obviously wasn’t over his girlfriend’s death.
“Your…your girlfriend?” I stutter, wiping away the tears away from my eyes with the back of my hand. “When did she…you know…what happened?”
“She went out clubbing for her best friends twenty first birthday…” He sighs, his words catching in his throat as he looks over to where Jack is, with his colleague before continuing, his eyes welling up with tears. “This guy, he…um, he wouldn’t leave her alone, by the time she left he wouldn’t leave her side. He kept…touching…her even when she was screaming for him to go away, he wouldn‘t…”
I try to say something, anything to get him to stop…to stop torturing himself over this…to stop torturing me with thoughts about my baby boy. I can’t take it, I don’t want to know anymore, but he’s not going to stop.
“She couldn’t get away him and so he took it to the extreme…he waited until she was on her own, following at a safe distance before grabbing her, pulling her kicking and screaming into an alleyway. By the time he was done…” The paramedic had choked on this last sentence, he had to close his eyes to stop himself from crying, taking a deep breath before finishing, his grip softened from my shoulders as he looked me dead in the eyes. “She was barely recognisable. The things that he had done to her, I‘ll never forgive him for. The worst thing though, was that before she went out, we had an argument…I didn‘t even get the chance to make it up with her…didn‘t get the chance to say sorry…to say goodbye…That‘s how I understand.”
I can’t keep my tears away any longer, I watch his expression as a couple of tears make their way down my frozen cheeks.
“I’m sorry…so sorry…” I murmur quietly as he looks back up at me.
“It’s ok…you just…you just go and make sure your boyfriend is ok…and, don’t let him go, whatever you do. If you do, then you’ll have lost the best thing that could have happened to you…trust me.” He says, patting my knee gently before standing up, ready to walk away.
“Wait…I didn’t catch your name…” I call out to him, just as he turned his back.
“Jason. Jason Greene.” He states quietly, as he shoots me a sorry glance over his shoulder.
“Thank you, Jason…” I say gratefully, watching him nod before going to help his colleague get Jack into the waiting ambulance, Jason’s words fill my mind as I watched from a distance, my eyes blurring again as the tears start to build.
I had no idea that after having an argument with my mother could lead me into walking into this situation where my best friend…my love…is found in this state…it makes me shake with fury to know that someone could do that to him, and by God, you mark my words…I’m going to find out who did this, even if it means that I end up getting in the same situation as Jack…my one and only, Jack.
I don’t know what happened after I passed out, it was all a blur of confusion and panic. I don‘t even know how long I was ‘out‘ for but when I came round, I was sitting in an ambulance with a damp cloth placed against the side of my head, a throb pounding against my skull as I watch the paramedics and police officers fuss around Jack.
I have no idea what happened to him but what I do know and what is burning bright inside of me, is the urge to find out and nothing is going to stop me until I have. The notion behind my urge? It’s simple. Seeing the one I love like a bloody corpse, it’s enough to get my fullest attention and for me to seek out the person who did it, unleashing all my built up energy on them until they look the same as what Jack does. I could never do it though, as much as I want to, I just can‘t bring myself to do it, no matter how much they deserve it.
“Sir?” A voice says from beside me.
I shake my head out of the small trance that I was in and look up at the person was sat beside me, a paramedic. He was looking at me cautiously as if I was about to pass out again or worse, throw up.
“Are you ok?” He asks me, in a worried tone.
I don’t know why he’s asking me that, is he really that stupid? I just saw my best friend…my love…in a bloody pile on the floor at an entrance of a dark alley, how on earth would I be alright? Doesn’t the tears that are still trickling down my face show that I’m not alright? Or is he just too blind and too dumb to think about that?
I let out a small sigh as I look back down at my hands, it’s not as if he really cares how I am anyway, he gets paid to make small talk with the casualties and their…partners. What am I suppose to say anyway? ‘Yeah I’m on top of the world, thanks for asking!’ It’s ridiculous, I can’t even describe to myself how I’m feeling at the moment, and to tell you the truth…I don’t even think that I want to know or understand how I’m feeling.
“Listen…I know what you must be feeling right now…” The paramedic starts to explain, but I don’t let him continue, I was ready to lose it.
“How on earth would you know how I’m fucking feeling?! How could you even understand?!” I cry out as I throw the damp cloth down before shoving my head into my hands, pulling at the already messy strands. “How can you…how could…how…”
The paramedic gets up, placing both hands upon my shoulders, shaking me slightly as he kneels down in front of me, his eyes level with my own, bleary and bloodshot.
“Do you really think that I don’t understand how you’re feeling?” He asks me calmly, his eyes not straying from mine as I look up at him, the tears stinging at the corner of my eyes. “I understand how you’re feeling more than you think because…the same thing happened to my girlfriend…departed girlfriend…a month ago.”
That certainly caught my attention. I suddenly felt really guilty and embarrassed with how I had just acted. I could see the hurt and sorrow in his eyes, he obviously wasn’t over his girlfriend’s death.
“Your…your girlfriend?” I stutter, wiping away the tears away from my eyes with the back of my hand. “When did she…you know…what happened?”
“She went out clubbing for her best friends twenty first birthday…” He sighs, his words catching in his throat as he looks over to where Jack is, with his colleague before continuing, his eyes welling up with tears. “This guy, he…um, he wouldn’t leave her alone, by the time she left he wouldn’t leave her side. He kept…touching…her even when she was screaming for him to go away, he wouldn‘t…”
I try to say something, anything to get him to stop…to stop torturing himself over this…to stop torturing me with thoughts about my baby boy. I can’t take it, I don’t want to know anymore, but he’s not going to stop.
“She couldn’t get away him and so he took it to the extreme…he waited until she was on her own, following at a safe distance before grabbing her, pulling her kicking and screaming into an alleyway. By the time he was done…” The paramedic had choked on this last sentence, he had to close his eyes to stop himself from crying, taking a deep breath before finishing, his grip softened from my shoulders as he looked me dead in the eyes. “She was barely recognisable. The things that he had done to her, I‘ll never forgive him for. The worst thing though, was that before she went out, we had an argument…I didn‘t even get the chance to make it up with her…didn‘t get the chance to say sorry…to say goodbye…That‘s how I understand.”
I can’t keep my tears away any longer, I watch his expression as a couple of tears make their way down my frozen cheeks.
“I’m sorry…so sorry…” I murmur quietly as he looks back up at me.
“It’s ok…you just…you just go and make sure your boyfriend is ok…and, don’t let him go, whatever you do. If you do, then you’ll have lost the best thing that could have happened to you…trust me.” He says, patting my knee gently before standing up, ready to walk away.
“Wait…I didn’t catch your name…” I call out to him, just as he turned his back.
“Jason. Jason Greene.” He states quietly, as he shoots me a sorry glance over his shoulder.
“Thank you, Jason…” I say gratefully, watching him nod before going to help his colleague get Jack into the waiting ambulance, Jason’s words fill my mind as I watched from a distance, my eyes blurring again as the tears start to build.
I had no idea that after having an argument with my mother could lead me into walking into this situation where my best friend…my love…is found in this state…it makes me shake with fury to know that someone could do that to him, and by God, you mark my words…I’m going to find out who did this, even if it means that I end up getting in the same situation as Jack…my one and only, Jack.