Misguided Ghost

[Time Jump!]
[23th of March, 2010]

What an overwhelming joy you feel when you hold your newborn baby in your arms. And imagine; twice the amounts of happiness as the doctor ask you if you are ready push out the next.‘The next?’ you may ask in utter shock, but there is no turning back. Your husband is holding your hand and washing sweat of your forehead;‘You can do this Bri.’ He urges on you. You want to tell him to shut the hell up; put the pain is too much.

After ten minutes you can feel your body relax, but you feel to empty.‘My babies, where are my babies?’ your voice is panicked as you see two people leave the room with your babies in their arms.‘Where are they taking them?’ all these questions swarm your head. Did they cry? I didn’t hear anything. Are they alive, will they make it?‘We just want to check them, they were a little under the normal size. But that is normal for twins.’the midwife tell you in a calming voice.

It feels like an eternity pass before the door opens again. You haven’t said a word, haven’t responded to any of the words from your husband. Loud baby cries are heard as two small bundles - a pink and a blue one - is placed on your chest. The crying stops immediately. Tears starts running down your cheeks as you hold your two babies in your arms and stare down at their dark, but pink and wrinkled faces.‘They are perfect.’ Your husband whispered from over your shoulder.

It’s strange how quickly overwhelming joy can be replaced my overwhelming fear and desperation.

~~~
I was snapped out of my day dream as Embry walked into the living room and sat down beside me on the couch.
The only thing was that it wasn’t a dream; it was memories from the birth of my children.
“They’re fast asleep now. Lillian cried a little, but calmed down when I held her over my heart; she reminds me so much of you.” Embry told me and pulled me into his arms.
I smiled and nodded. “Good. And Willow?”
“Didn’t make any problems.” He kissed my temple softly. “Is everything okay, Bee?”

I nodded again.
“Come on; I know you better than that.” he stroked my arm.
I buried my face in his shirt and shrugged.
“Tell me.” He said.
“I don’t know if I can handle all this.” I waved my hand in the air.
“What do you mean? Do you regret our lives?” Embry sounded worried, but I heard the hurt undertone.
“No! I want to change the things I can’t change.” He was silent, so I continued. “I wish the car accident never happened; but that I lived with my biological family and we moved here and somehow we met and got this life.” I said in a rushed voice.
“You can’t change that.” Embry pulled me a little closer.
“I know! That’s what I hate!” my voice broke a little.

“Do you regret keeping the babies?” he asked me.
“… No.” I didn’t say it before I trusted my voice not to shake.
“Do you regret marrying me?”
“No.” I said and looked at him so he could see in my eyes how much I meant it. “I don’t regret any of that. I’m just scared for when it will all be ripped away from under my feet.”
“It won’t. No one can take me or Willow or Lillian from you.” He said softly.
“Yes they can! Those fucking Volturi’s will come and steal it all away from me. I can’t be around and wanting to kill my babies, or be disgusted by your smell. I can’t do that Embry.” I raised my voice, but not loud enough to wake them.

“We’ll handle it when that time comes.” Embry, always avoiding the problems; always looking at the bright side.
“It is just a little over a year until I have to be changed. We have to make a plan.” I wiped away some tears.
“I’m not letting you run away.” Embry said, and some sort of panic washed over his face.
I sighed. “Alice has already seen it. And I need you to promise me you’ll take care of your children when I’m not here.”
“Ourchildren, they are ours Bridget. You can’t leave.” He gripped my hand.

I looked down. To tell the truth, I didn’t feel any strong maternity feeling towards the babies, ourbabies. But I was a little relieved I didn’t because that would make things easier when the time comes.

“We have to find out what we are going to tell them when they start noticing most of their family isn’t ageing.” My voice had turned into a business like voice, it was strange.
“We’ll explain it to them.” Embry said, trying to reason with me.
“And when they hit puberty and transform into big wolves and get urges to rip my head off?”
“They won’t be like that.” I raised my eyebrows. “We’ll teach them how to control it.”

I shook my head and put it in my hands. “It won’t work like that.”
“Promise me you’ll come back.” He whispered.
I looked up again and saw a tear on his cheek. “I promise.” I hugged him. “I love you Embry.”
“I love you too. Let’s talk about this another time and just go to bed.” He stood up and took my hand.
I nodded. “Okay.”

Embry went straight to bed. I changed into a t-shirt and sat down in the rocking chair in the nursery. I sat there staring at the beautiful babies. They had russet skin and black hair, but their eyes where the same as mine; just as I dreamt the night I found out I was pregnant. We were naming them Willow Aaron and Lillian Nayeli Call. Today they were exactly two weeks.

And as I sat there looking at them, I wondered where my life had disappeared, but I knew it disappeared the second I was adopted by vampires. Not that I didn’t love my family, I really did, I just want to have back some control of my life. Embry and I, or it was just I, had decided to move to La push permanently because I want them to grow up here. My parents didn’t mind and it’s not like I can’t go to high school later; I only had eternity.

I stood up to leave, but Will started crying. I picked him up quickly before he got the chance to wake his sister.
“Shh… its okay, Willy, mommy is here.” He calmed down quickly, but instead of placing him in the crib again I sat down in the chair and rocked his softly from side to side.
I take back what I said, I have my maternity side.

“I love you little baby boy.”