Misguided Ghost

I packed my small backpack in the dark with silent tears streaming from my eyes. Anguish soared through my whole being for what I was about to do, but there was nothing else I could do. Some would probably call me selfish, but I was far from, it was the only thing I could do to keep my babies in security. I would scarify my life for them.

I left the backpack on the bedroom floor as I walked down till the kitchen and found a notepad and a pen. I had to write two letters; one for Willow and Lillian and one for Claire.

I wrote the easiest first.

Dear Claire,
I’m so sorry for saying goodbye this way, but I have no other choice. Thank you for all your support the last two years, I will never forget it and I will always be in debt to you.
I ask you, I beg you to do me a favor; look after Embry, Lillian and Willow for me. I wouldn’t have left if I wasn’t sure they will be okay. But I know that you and the rest of our family will help them in every way you can.

Maybe we’ll meet again, in a couple of decades, when I’m in control over my thirst, but I can’t promise anything, maybe the mission I have given myself will kill me before that time comes.
But until I see you again, Claire, remember me and answer any question my children may have.

With love, Bridget.

My tears made round wet spots at the thin paper and my hand smeared the ink out on some places. I folded the letter three times and wrote Claire’s name on the outside, I would deliver it on her door.

My hand shook when I started on the other letter and sobs escaped my lips. I folded that letter as well but put it in an envelope and wrote their names on the outside before I went back upstairs and into the nursery. I placed it on their small dresser, where I knew Embry would find it and walked over to the small crib that held my sleeping son.

I brushed my fingertips over his soft skin before I lifted his small hand and kissed it carefully. I felt a scream build up in me but I bit my lip hard to hold it back. I jumped a little when I walked over till Lily’s crib; her eyes was wide open and I could see a tear on her cheek, it was as if she knew what was going on. I picked her up and held her against my neck, sniffing in her clean baby scent and kissed the top of her head and brushed my fingers over her black curls.

It was difficult to put her down again and I could see from the look in her face that she was about to let out a scream. I placed a finger on her lips softly.
“Shh…” I whispered to her. “I love you Lillian, take care of your brother and father.”

I walked back into mine and Embry’s bedroom and picked up the small backpack before I walked over to Embry’s side and knelt at the floor. I kissed Embry cheek and it was the last drop, the scream left my lips. It wasn’t loud, you wouldn’t have heard it from the room next door but it made Embry stir and look up at me. He sat up and looked me over.

“Bridget? What are you doing? It’s four am, come back to bed,” he mumbled sleepily and pulled me down on his lap.
I buried my face in his neck as I spoke, to terrified to face him. “I’m leaving Embry.”
He was suddenly wide awake and pushed me a little away so he could look me over and noticed I was fully dressed and the backpack. “No,” he said and shook his head. “No, Bridget, you can’t.”

“Embry, please,” I begged breathed in slowly to calm myself.
“No. No. You can’t leave Bridget. I won’t let you go,” he said in a desperate voice. “You can’t just leave us.”
“I have no other choice.”
“There are plenty of choices!” He raised his voice.
“No, there isn’t,” I said sorely.
“Yes there are! You can stay.”
I closed my eyes. “But I can’t. It’s not safe for you, and it’s not safe for Willow or Lillian.”

“Don’t worry about Chase, we’ll get him if he comes back,” Embry fought.
“I’m not worried about him. The Volturies will come in less than two months to see if I’m changed. I don’t want them anywhere near my family again.”
“Then wait at least one month.”
“I can’t,” I whispered.

“Bri…” he looked at me pleadingly and I wiped away the tear that escaped his eye.
“I’m so sorry Embry, please don’t hate me,” I said and kissed his cheek again.
“I could never hate you, I love you, always,” Embry said and pressed his mouth against my quivering lips.
“Tell them that I always loved them,” I rose from the bed but Embry still held onto my hand.
“You can tell them that yourself when you come back.”

I bit my lips again when the feeling of screaming returned. I turned my back to him. “I love you too, always. Don’t follow me.”

I walked to the front door and locked myself out of my home and walked over to my black mustang. I put the car in drive and drove away from the house, I could see a movement in the curtain the kids’ room. And just that small movement told me how heartbroken he was.

I drove to Claire and Quil’s house, all the windows were dark, luckily, because I couldn’t handle saying goodbye again face to face. I walked quickly from the car and up at their porch and placed the letter on the doormat before I walked back to the car and started driving.

I headed north after the city borders of Forks; but no far because I had to pull over and wipe my eyes; I couldn’t see anything because of the tears. It felt like I had left behind my heart, which I had because my heart had always belonged to Embry.

~~~

Embry read the letter over and over again and it broke his heart over and over again. The words where hard, but the tear stains were even harder.

My dearest little ones,

I’m sorry for leaving the two of you at such a young age; it’s not what a good mother would do. But please read this letter before you judge me; I love you, I love both of you unreservedly and equally. I left you to protect you from the dangers that exist in our world.

I don’t know what the two of you will get to know about our world and about me because that is up to your father to decide, but if you get curious as to why I had to leave you, ask him and he will answer.
I never pictured having babies, and defiantly not when I was sixteen, because of my destiny. But I never regretted carrying the two of you into the world. You have to know that if there were any possibility that I would not be dangerous to you I would have stayed.

Take care of each other and love each other every day. I know you will do great. I know that you will help each other in difficult times and I hope that you Willow will look after you sister and make sure no boy threats her wrong.
And Lillian, I’m so terribly sorry for not being able to be there and hold your hand when you have to go through the difficulties of becoming a woman, but know that if you don’t have the courage to talk about it with your father, Claire will help you.

Know that no matter how far away I am from you, no matter where I am in the world my heart will always be with you. Everything I will do after I leave is for you.

I love you, Always,
Bridget.