Lost in Your Eyes

I was trapped in my mind. I suppose that that was nothing new. It happened often enough, but this time was different. This time it was terrifying. Something was wrong. I had made a mistake somewhere. My frantic eyes began looking around for an answer. I knew that it was here somewhere in my memories. I had to find it before it was too late. Unless…there was always the chance that it was too late already. A thrill of terror ran through me. It couldn’t be! I couldn’t be too late. I still had to have a chance to make things right. I had to be able to make up for the mistakes that I had made. I wouldn’t die like this. I looked around me trying to figure out where I was in my mind. I had to find the way out so that I could fix everything. Behind me, a great river was flowing rushing down until it dwindled into nothing. Where I stood there wasn’t even enough to cover my feet. It had drained down into little puddles of water. I leaned down and looked at one of the puddles. In it, I could see a little girl mirrored running around. A child. A dream for a family.

My dreams! My panic grew. My dreams were already dying. That meant that I didn’t have much time left. I looked out in front of me to see a barren wasteland. In the distance was an angry red glow. I took a deep breath. This was the way to go. I began moving forward, fear and anxiety twisting my gut with every step that I took. As I got closer and closer, the red glow began to grow. The temperature began to rise. I was getting hot. Sweat began to cover me soaking my clothes. I felt a sharp knock to my insides. Something was burning. I could smell it now. What was it? What was burning? Did that mean I was getting close to where I need to be and that I could sense what was going on in the outside world? I hope that that was the answer I would find. The other options weren’t ones that my stomach could handle. My skin began to prickle. I looked down. My skin was red. Angry red marks were covering me. I pulled off my shirt only to find the same thing over my skin. It was me! I was on fire! My body was on fire! I had to get out of my mind! I had to stop this!

I ran faster towards the angry red glow which was taking shape. Flames were leaping everywhere in an angry procession. There had to be some way to stop them. Anything that could end the nightmare. My chest began to feel heavy as smoke entered my body’s lung. I didn’t have much time left. The end was drawing closer faster and faster. “You’re not going to win.” I spun around and came face to face with what could only be the cause. “You can’t make it. It’s already too late. I-I’m so sorry.” Tears spilled down white cheeks.

“It’s not your fault,” even as the words spilled from my lips I realized it was true. This was my fault. This was my punishment. Who did I think that I was that I could stop the end from coming? A bitter, sharp laugh erupted from me. “I should have known that it would come to this. God I’ve lied. I lost the moment that it began. I couldn’t turn back because I was such a blind fool. I’m sorry. I should never have touched you. I should never have done what I did.” I looked up as the sky of mind turned dark with smoke and the coming of death. “It’s too late sis. I lied to you. I lied to myself. I lied to everyone. This fire will cleanse me. I need it. The things that I did to you…they were wrong.”

“No! It was right! It was good! I wanted it! I wanted it as much as you did brother!” I pushed her away. I couldn’t look at her.

“This is my fire!” I snapped my voice hard and bitter. “They built it for me. And now it will be my pyre,” I snarled softly. I closed my eye and lay down in the desert wasteland that my mind was becoming. A gentle hand rested on my chest. Soft hair fanned across my bare chest comforting the burns on the flesh that had begun to turn black.

“It’s not fair,” she whispered.

“Promise you’ll remember me?” I begged softly.

I could feel her nod and peace seeped through me. It was time to die. “Go,” I whispered. “I won’t have your mind trapped with me in death.” She sat up and she looked down at me. “I love you. I don’t regret it.” I promised. The lie came so easy. I knew that it would help her to survive even as she knew that I lay dying. Her soft red lips brushed against my own charred lips as my toes and fingers began to crumple into ash.

The last thing I saw were the tears welling in her bright blue eyes. The last thing I heard was her sweet voice singing to me.