Kissing You Goodbye.

Frank

I woke up clutched as close to Gerard as possible. He was still sleeping, and beautiful. The room was eerily silent. It took me a moment to notice what was missing. It was the heart monitor. The beep wasn’t there. I started to panic.

I grabbed Gerard’s cold wrist and shook it, hoping to rouse him awake. Nothing. The shakes started to get more frantic, and I started to cry, calling out his name.

“Gerard… C’mon, Gerard, this isn’t funny… Please…”

It wasn’t long before I was discovered. A pale faced Mikey stumbled in, eyes red, glasses off. He said nothing, just sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me into a strong, firm hug. It was then that I knew. There was nothing unclear to me. Gerard was gone. The only person I’d ever loved was gone.

So I did what any normal person would do.

I cried.

********

Three days later, standing in a suit in front of a dark mahogany coffin, shoulders slumped, was a short, dark haired, heartbroken teenager. I wanted to crawl in next to him, hold on tight, whisper to him, telling him never to leave me. But I didn’t. I stood there, hands clasping the edge of the casket, staring at my dead boyfriend.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I assumed it was Mikey, or Donna, or my mother, so I let it be. But the person started to speak, and I knew it wasn’t any of those three.

“He loved you so much. You know that, right? He was willing to give up everything for you.”

I turned to face the older boy who was previously my tormentor. He looked different. More stressed, more tried.

“I know, David.”

“I was there… when it happened. He was just holding you. I heard what he said before he went… Do you know what that was, Frank?” David asked, analyzing my expression with his tired, sad green eyes.

“No. What?”

“He said, ‘I love you, Frank. Forever.’”

I was quiet for awhile. What had he been at the hospital for anyway? Its not like David and Gerard were close… Did it even matter? All that did matter was that Gerard had been the best thing that ever happened to me. And Gerard was gone.

“I just thought you should know. Take care, Frank.”

********

My nights were sleepless, my days were vacant. I didn’t go to school. I didn’t leave the house, except for the funeral. Nothing was important any longer.

After four months of the same behavior, my mom gave up. She got me a therapist, hoping maybe that would help. As much as I’d love to deny that it did help, I can’t. I was on the fast track to being a normal student again.

I spent more time atGerard’s Mikey’s house. I spent more time interacting with others. I even became close friends with David, and some of his “lackeys”. Gerard’s death changed everything.