Kissing You Goodbye.

Frank

I called Donna’s name from the living room, handed her the phone when she came, and placed my head back into the pillow on the couch for a minute. Then I reluctantly got up, used the shower in Gerard’s basement bathroom, and dressed. Mikey met me on my way back up the stairs.

“You’re not straightening your hair today?” he asked. I shook my head. There was only a little curl to it, and I really didn’t care. I just wanted to be able to visit Gerard before school.

“Alright. I’ll be right back. I’m almost done getting ready, then we can go. Okay?” Mikey asked. I nodded. He stared at me for a minute, his hazel eyes smoldering with pain, then quickly wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m sorry it has to be like this, Frank. Gerard always tried to distance himself from people so they’d never have to go through what we’re going through now. He never wanted this for you, Frankie,” Mikey said, releasing me to look at me. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. He removed his glasses and wiped his eyes.

“I’ll be back.”

********

Mikey and I walked into the school at seven thirty, got ready for our classes, and then hung around our lockers. That is, until David’s group came around. But David wasn’t with them this time.

“Did Frankie-Wankie get a new boy toy? Moving from one brother to another, huh? You’re such a manwhore!” the one at the front said. I recognized him as Keith Burdette from my Algebra class. Mikey stood up from where he leaned on his locker and began to defend us both when David stormed towards his mob of followers.

“Knock it the fuck off, guys!” he said. It was surreal. Those were almost the exact words Gerard used on David the day we met. David’s followers backed up and made room for David to make it to the front of their small mob. Once he stood directly in front of Mikey and me, his face angered, he turned to face his crew.

“How dare you insult Gerard while he’s in the hospital dying! That’s my cousin, you assholes! And to do such a thing to Gerard’s brother is disgusting. Frank and Mikey are going through hard times. So am I. If you even think of insulting Gerard in front of me again, I’ll knock your lights out. Get out of here!” David half yelled. My eyes widened. David really did care. He turned back to Mikey and me while his followers dispersed.

“I’m sorry, guys. I don’t know what’s wrong with them today. Rest assured that Keith will get what’s coming to him,” David said, hugging Mikey and shaking my hand.

“Thank you so much, David. You’re still coming tomorrow night to see Gerard with us, right?” Mikey asked. My glance shot back and forth between them. This was the nicest I’d seen David. I wasn’t aware he was planning on coming with us the next day.

“Yes. My parents are going tonight, if that’s okay. Look, I gotta get to class. Bye, Mikes, Frank,” David said, nodding to both of us before walking away down the hallway. Really, I was in a state of shock. For once, while I was in the same area as David, he didn’t hurt me or call me a bad name. This would be hard to get used to. Mikey and I went to our classes, following David’s example.

********

The next two weeks passed somewhat uneventfully until the night of prom came. I’d been asked, but turned them down, even against what Gerard had made me promise. That night, I dressed in a suit my mother and Gerard’s had helped me pick out. I smoothed my hair to a side and tucked part of it behind my right ear. Mikey picked me up with his date, Alicia, a junior girl he was dating, and pulled in a parking space at the hospital parking lot.

I entered Gerard’s room in my suit, and he smiled almost regretfully. He thought I was going with someone else, you could tell. No, I wasn’t going to the prom.

“You look great, babe. Who’s the lucky kid?” Gerard asked. I grinned, pointing at him. Mikey and Alicia walked in with a small boom box I’d purchased and some CDs, and set them down. Gerard looked confused.

“You are, Gee. You couldn’t go to prom, so I brought prom to you,” I smiled. Gerard’s face was blank for a minute, and I almost thought I’d made a mistake, but then a grin occupied his cute features.

“Frank, have I ever told you you’re the best boyfriend ever?” Gerard asked. I shook my head, smiling from ear to ear.

“No, but you can make up for that now.”

Gerard laughed. It was a cute, childish laugh. It was a laugh I could never tire of. I pressed play on the mix CD, then wrapped my arms around Gerard’s neck. His arms wound around my back, and we swayed along to the music. The last song was hard. Mikey had selected “Kissing You Goodbye” by The Used. I rested my head against Gerard’s chest as tears ran down both of our cheeks. I didn’t want him to go. I loved him so much. Taking him away would be taking away my life.

“I should’ve never made you suffer like this, Frankie.” My head shot up.

“What do you mean?”

“I know you’re having a horrible time with this. You’re too involved,” Gerard said, removing a hand from my waist and bringing it to my cheek. He wiped the tears from my eyes.

“Don’t say that, Gerard. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. My life would be nothing without you,” I said, bringing my lips to his. His arms wrapped back around me, holding me nearer to him. It was the most loving kiss we’d shared, full of meaning to both of us.

“The moment I really started living was when I met you, Frank. My cancer had me feeling dead already. There was nothing on Earth for me to stay for. Then I met you. You are my life, Frankie. You brought me back from the lost state I was in. I would’ve lived a pointless, miserable life without you,” Gerard said, an almost sad smile on his lips.

I stayed with him that whole night, sleeping next to him on the hospital bed.

********

The next week, Gerard’s hair started thinning. I stayed with him, holding his hand as his mother buzzed the rest off. Beautiful locks of black covered the floor. We helped pick him out a wig, though we knew he wouldn’t need it for long. The wig bothered him thoroughly.

“I hate this. If my hair’s going, let it go. Don’t dwell on it. I only have a couple weeks anyways,” Gerard said, arms crossed around his chest. His voice was raspy and his tongue was dry from chemo. I frowned.

“Please don’t, Gee.”

“You know its true, Frank.”

“I just don’t wanna talk about it,” I said, covering my eyes with my hand. Gerard reached for my hand, pulling it away from my head and onto the arm rest of his bed.

“I’m sorry, Frank. But you can’t escape the inevitable by keeping quiet. I’m going to die. I’ve come to terms with it. The hardest part of it all is knowing I’ll be leaving you behind,” he said. His hand trembled in mine, and I fought to keep tears from my eyes.

“I don’t want you to…”

“I know, Frankie. Its hard. Please, don’t make it any harder. I worry about you without me,” Gerard said. The tears fell.

“I’m nothing without you, Gerard.”

“I don’t want you to ruin your life because of me. You have to go on. If not for yourself, then for me.”

I reached for his hand, and he provided, gently yanking on my arm so I’d get up. He patted the space next to him and made room for me to fit. I snuggled up into him, my tears drenching his t-shirt. He wrapped my arm around me, squeezing me close to him.