Kill The Messenger

As soon as you stop missing him, you see him, talk to him, hear about him, ask about him, find yourself making up excuses to include him in conversations. Anything just to hear his name.

The best thing in the world is hearing his voice, it’s soothing and reminds you of a safe place. Where no one could touch you.

Then you remember he isn’t yours anymore, it’s like being stabbed. Tears never cease to fall and your friends get sick of hearing his name. It’s never quite the same, I feel like it’s been years but in reality, it’s been three months.

He hasn’t called. I haven’t called him. I haven’t talked to Matt, Zack, Brian or Johnny. I hate the way they look at me. I spend most of my time alone. I haven’t been to band practice in over two weeks, I think they’re actually looking for a replacement. I’m living with Kerry and Matt which is hard.

I take care of Ben most of the time, sometimes I find myself pretending he’s mine and Jimmy’s little boy. Like we actually worked out.

I wanted this relationship more than anything in the world. More than I wanted to live. Then it didn’t work. It’s a slap in the face.

Kerry seems to be the only one who keeps me sane.

Natalie and Zack are having problems, he wont stop drinking. Kristine and Katie get along just fine with Johnny and Brian.

I hate these days.

I stared at the ceiling, Matt’s Pantera cd skipped like there was no tomorrow. I groaned and threw my pillow at it. Oddly it quit skipping.

The door opened and Kerry walked in.

She had a smug look on her face, “Guess who called.”

“I honestly don’t care.” I said, no emotion at all in my voice.

Kerry huffed, “Jimmy.”

I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat, as it always does.

But I ignored everything.

Sevor The Tie