Delude

I left the woods with a strange feeling in my stomach. There was no possible way I liked someone I didn’t even know. Plus, for all I knew, he could be just as bad as Evan.

When I reached my house, I found it vacant. I slipped into the quiet and went into the living room. I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, leaning back against the arm rest. I let my bag fall to the ground, spilling everything in it, and then I closed my eyes.

I was in the woods, walking aimlessly. Then I saw something between two of the trees, a figure forming. They stepped out into the sunlight, grey eyes worried.

“You can’t trust him,” Nixon said, his hand reaching to touch my shoulder. “It’s not safe, Casey.”

“Who?” I could hear my voice tremble.

“I can’t tell you,” he said, frowning. “You just need to be cautious.”

I felt my chest tighten with anxiety and I wanted to shout at him, but I held myself back.

“What did you want to say?” he mumbled.

“Who is it?” I tried again.

But he was gone.

I woke with a start and winced, tasting blood in my mouth. I grabbed an empty cup on the table next to the couch and spit into it. I frowned as I watched the saliva and blood mix.

I had bit my lip far too hard.

“Damnit,” I hissed, sitting up and grabbing a napkin from the table. I wiped my mouth and cringed.

As I went up to my room, I made sure to put the bloody napkin in the garbage. My mother would probably think I got into a fight at school if she saw it.

I lay on my bed for hours until I knew I wouldn’t get into trouble for cutting school. The door downstairs opened and I heard my mom call out to me, asking if I was home. I stared at the ceiling as my bedroom door creaked open. It wasn’t dark out yet, but the sun was going down, giving the room a haunting glow.

“Case, are you feeling all right?”

“Fine,” I lied. My lip had stopped hurting. That was one less thing to worry about.

“I thought you’d be out with Jade.” My mother’s concern was genuine. “Didn’t you say you would be?”

“No.”

“But I thought-”

“Go away.” I wanted her to leave. I wanted to sleep. I think she muttered something about me being a bitch when she slammed my door shut.

Falling asleep in my own bed was better than on the grass outside. I woke hours later from a dreamless slumber, the shadows gathering in around me. I glanced at the bedside clock.

I still had an hour left. I rolled over and pulled the covers over my head. I wanted my body heat and the warmth from the heavy blankets to engulf me so I could go back to sleep.

Maybe laying awake would clear my head. I thought about calling Jade before school and seeing if I could get a ride from her, but I doubted she would agree. Besides, she was probably devoting all her time to Evan.

I shuddered at the thought of him telling her lies about me. It was ridiculous that she would believe anything he said about me; she knew me better than that.

I thought about rolling over and suffocating myself with my pillow, then I wouldn’t have to get up ever again. But I think my mom would notice if I didn’t come downstairs at all.

Again, I stared at the ceiling. I just wanted time to speed up so I could get through the day. I suddenly felt a pang of excitement surge through me as I thought of way awaited me after today was done.

I could hear my mom banging pots and pans in the kitchen and I cringed. I missed my dad’s quiet way of doing things in the morning. Something coiled in the pit of my stomach and I recognized it immediately; I felt guilty for not telling him that I loved him enough.

When he died, my life had been reduced to zombie-like movement, and sometimes, no movement at all. I used to sit in my room for weeks on end, never answering the phone or the door when someone came by. My mom had started drinking more and being bitchier than she was when he had been alive.

I kept that to myself. I would tell people that they had split up years ago and we barely saw him anymore. It was easier than the truth. That was the story I told Jade, anyway.