One Heart

Nathalie's POV

“But I don't want you to go!” Rae sobbed. “Rae loves her Uncle Sevenfolds!”

'Sevenfolds' was something she had started addressing the guys as a whole, since to her, it was so much easier than singling them out by their names. In a way, I had to agree with her, and soon she got me saying it as well.

“Honey, they have to go,” I said soothingly, trying to pry her arms from around Zacky's leg who was just finding the whole thing very amusing. “You'll see your Uncle Sevenfolds again.”

“But...” Her lip trembled as her eyes watered, the tears rolling off her cheeks as she hung her head back and cried. “I don't want them to go!”

I stepped back and sighed, giving up on making her let go. She could be such a handful at times. “I hate to ask this, but would you guys mind crashing here tonight? Otherwise Zacky will have to walk off with this monster still attached to his leg.”

“Yes! Stay!” Rae pleaded, her large brown eyes staring between them. I could see as I was looking at each of them, that their resolve was quickly crumbling as they got caught in Rae's puppy look. She then cocked her head to the side, sealing the deal with a quiet, “Please?”

I rolled my eyes at the lot of them as each of their hearts melted. “I'll go get some blankets and pillows for you. I would offer the spare rooms to you, but I highly doubt you'll get anywhere near them with the monster around.”

'The monster' giggled as Matt swung her onto his shoulders, shaking his head at me in disapproval. “Rae is not a little monster, are you Rae?”

“I'm Monster Rae!” She said happily, obviously not in need of defending. “Monster Rae wants some milk!”

Matt feigned shock, gasping, “Oh no! The Monster is thirsty! I must get her some milk before she attacks me!”

She then pouted, patting him lightly on the head. “Monster Rae doesn't attack her Uncle Shadows. “She then did something very sweet, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek. “Rae loves her Uncle Shadows!”

I smiled as he stomped off, imitating being a monster as Rae squealed in delight on his shoulders. There was no denying that everyone had already fallen in love with Rae; Matt in particular. Brian had followed me upstairs to help with the bedding for the rest of the guys, but also- as he put it- to make sure I didn't break my neck by overloading myself.

“You know Brian, I can handle myself-” For some reason I thought it was best for me to say this while I was walking down the stairs with my arms filled up with pillows, and as a result couldn't see where I was going, tripped, and tumbled down the last few sets of stairs. Thankfully we had been chucking the other stuff just down the stairs instead of walking up and down them to save time, so I had a nice, comfy landing. Of course everyone had just happened to be out in the hallway as this happened so I was greeted with fits of laughter as Brian helped me up. “Shut up.” I picked up the closet pillow to me and tossed it at Jimmy, hitting him squarely in the face. “That goes for you too.”

“I think someone is a little tired,” Matt cut in, pointing up at Rae whose head had slumped forward onto his shoulder and was now sound asleep.

“She's been having a lot of fun today,” I replied with a soft smile, gently taking her off Matt's back and holding her in my arms. She stirred slightly when I moved her, but she didn't wake up. “You guys can all leave now if you want.”

Jimmy stretched and yawned, snatching the pillow that I had thrown at him from his feet. “I'm good with here. Direct me to the nearest bed!”

“Do I really need to direct you to your own room?” I laughed, shifting Rae onto one arm and using the other to point up the stairs. “Upstairs; third door on the left.”

“Ah, my room,” he said, grinning. “See you fuckers!”

“Hey! Language!” I called after him, receiving a wave in reply as he disappeared along the upstairs hallway. Turning to the rest of them, I mentally counted the rest of the rooms I had. “There are three other rooms, so Johnny why don't you take the one opposite Jimmy's, then Matt and Zacky you can have the rooms either side.” It was only after they left did I realise one problem- where was Brian going to sleep? “I guess you can take my room for the night, I'll stay down here. I was only going to watch a film anyway.”

He leaned against the banister to the stairs, hugging a pillow to himself. “What were you going to watch?”

I shrugged. “Whatever is in the player I guess?”

“Mind if I watch it with you?” He looked at me with curious eyes, the smile defeating any chance I had at saying no. “I won't be a problem, I promise.”

–

For some reason Matt, Jimmy, Johnny and Zacky each took one of the duvets or blankets Brian and I had brought down with them back upstairs even though they were staying in the spare rooms, which were always prepared in case someone stayed over. This left Brian and I sharing a blanket between us after I had put Rae to bed, one which just happened to also be the smallest I had brought out.

We ended up watching Mean Girls, and oddly enough, Brian seemed to like it. While I did like it myself I couldn't seem to get into it because I was just so fucking cold. Brian must have noticed me shivering at some point as he reached over the small gap we had put between us and pulled me across it to him, the closeness allowing the blanket to now fully cover me as he rested his arm on top of it to keep it in place. He didn't say anything about it, just continuing to watch the movie and laughing along with me. I had to admit that I was surprised he liked it, especially when Chloe and I had considering Mean Girls to be the holy grail of chick flicks.

After the credits finished and the DVD menu came up again, Brian just suddenly came out with, “My God.”

I looked up at him, resting my chin on the hand I had placed on his chest. “What?”

He looked completely horrified. “I just sat through a chick flick.”

“So?”

His horror intensified. “And I enjoyed it!”

“Is that all?” I commented with a raised eyebrow, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders as I walked across to the television and switched it off along with the DVD player. The moonlight from the window was just enough to get me back to the couch without injury, sinking back into place beside Brian and settling myself upon him with a light yawn. “Here I thought you forgot you were meeting up with some girl and didn't ring to cancel.”

“Your cell hasn't rang today, has it?”

“No,” I replied, confused. “Why would have it?”

He smiled. “Just checking that I did forget to ring that girl to cancel. I think I'm rather glad I didn't.” His arm tightened around me but I quickly pulled away, the blanket falling away from the two of us.

“Brian... we can't do this.” His eyes instantly saddened, but he knew I was right. “We've both been hurt. It's not right.”

“But...” He trailed off, turning my cheek away as he tried to touch it with his fingers. “We were good together.”

“Yes, we were once,” I agreed, crossing my legs on the couch and placing my hands on top of them. “But it has been over four years since then. Don't you think we need to move on?”

“Don't you think I had tried?” He laughed quietly to himself. “I hadto try. What good would it do for the guys and the band if I just fell to pieces? They set me up a load of times to see if it would help, but like I told you, nothing stuck more than a month. Nothing could replace you in my eyes.”

“You should have tried harder, looked harder,” I whispered desperately, but even I knew how he felt. At least he had tried, I never did. Never in those years apart did I even look at another guy that way- it just felt like I couldn't even generate feelings of affection for anything. At first it was hard to even connect with Rae after she was born, but luckily those feelings went away after a few months. However even now, the perfect chocolate eyes she inherited from her father still made my heart break each, and every time I looked at them. “What if I never came back? What if you had locked your heart away waiting for me, but I never came back?”

“Then I would have died waiting.” His expression was completely sincere and I could easily tell even if I hadn't looked at him that he was telling the truth. “Can I ask one thing?”

I nodded.

“And you promise to answer, details and all?”

“Just one question,” I reminded. “But yes, details and all.”

He took a deep breath, calming himself before he asked, “Why did you really come back?”

My gaze fell; my voice dropping to a pained whisper. “Please... please don't make me answer that. Anything else. Please.”

“Nat... please.”

I sighed, turning away. If I hadn't promised, I wouldn't have said what I said next. “Can you promise me something then, if I tell you?” He nodded. “Whatever my answer is, promise me that you won't treat me any differently and that you will keep looking at me the same as you do now.” I looked back at him, my eyes glazed over with sadness. “And you can't tell anyone else.”

“I won't.”

“Promise me Brian.”

He frowned, the promise I was asking him to keep already making him think something was wrong. Either way, he still did what I asked. “I promise. You can trust me.”

“I know I can,” I mumbled, reaching up and cupping his cheek in my hand. “And that is what will make this so much worse. What I am asking you to keep secret is cruel-”

“Nat.” His hand reached up and rested over mine on his cheek, his eyes staring worriedly into mine. “It doesn't matter, whatever it is, we'll get over it.”

“You might, but I won't.” He looked confused as I pulled my hand away from under his, his frown deepening as a tear slid down my cheek as I blinked and looked upwards at the ceiling. “I'm dying.”

“No you're not.” When I looked at him, I could tell he was in disbelief. “You're only 26; how could you be?”

I laughed. “That's exactly what Jimmy said too.”

He looked at me incredulously. “How can you laugh at something like that?!”

“I've had more time to deal with it I guess.” I shrugged. “I guess I just don't want it weighing me down any longer.”

“So you came back because-”

“Because I wanted Rae to meet her father before it happened,” I murmured. “I wasn't going to let life take both parents away from her.”

“So Jimmy-”

“He knows.”

“Val?”

“Just Jimmy.”

“Oh.”

Silence finally dawned on our dwindling conversation, leaving both of us there to just sit there and think about what had been said. Then, Brian spoke. “So that's why you don't think we would work.”

“You can't love the dead, Brian. ‘’Til death do us part' is in wedding vows for a reason.”

He reached over and took one of my hands from my lap, holding it in his own as our gazes met. “I know that.” Leaning in, he pressed his lips gently against mine. “But what about loving the living?”

“But... but what I did to you...”

He sighed, shaking my hand so that I couldn’t be tempted to allow my gaze to fall away. “Life is short to obsess over small details like the past. You should live in the present. You never know when your time would be up.”

I smiled weakly. “Well I kind of do, Brian.”

He shook his head. “Not all things are set in stone, but I know one thing that is.”

“What’s that?”

Our lips touched, gently at first just so he could speak. “That I will love you even when we are apart, and then love you even more when we finally meet again.”