One Heart

Nathalie's POV

As suddenly as the exhaustion hit me it left just as quick, and soon I was almost back to my normal self again, no one seeming to notice that there was anything wrong with me at all. Of course Rae did pick up on various times but after explaining them to her as ‘mummy’s sleepy times’ she seemed to understand, even if it wasn’t the detailed truth in which I gave her. She was only four after all. Right now, I was concerning myself with preparing for her birthday which was only a week away.

Rae was sat at the breakfast bar I was preparing lunch, her legs swinging high from the ground where she was on the stool. “Mummy, is daddy going to be at my birthday?”

“I don’t know honey; he’s very busy at the moment.”

It had been a month since the guys ran out to rescue their bank accounts, and last I had heard they had been performing a few tribute shows somewhere to try and ease them back into another tour before they eventually went to record their next album.

Rae pouted, her hands forming tiny fists. “It’s not fair!”

“I know it’s not,” I replied softly, placing a plate of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in front of her, cut neatly into triangles, just how she liked it. “Daddy has to work; he can’t spend all of his time playing with you.”

“But it’s not fair!” She repeated, this time her voice growing louder as she pushed away the plate. “I won’t eat until daddy gets home!”

“Rae...” I tried to coax her into eating but she simply refused, shaking her head as my stubborn personality shone through in her. She was adamant enough that she jumped down from the stool and stormed outside, crawling onto one of the swings and kicking out lightly on it. It was times like this that made me wonder why I bothered to come back, especially when right now it seemed to be doing more harm than good.

After wrapping the sandwiches up and placing them in the fridge I pulled my cell out and scrolled through my list of contacts until I got to Brian’s number, taking a deep breath as I pressed the call button and held it to my ear. Like all the other times I had rang I just got his answer phone as I had the last ten or so times, a sigh escaping as I decided to leave a message. Hopefully by some miracle he'll get it.

“Brian...It’s Nat. Please can you ring me when you get this message? I don’t know if I told you but it is Rae’s birthday next week, and I was hoping you could make it. If not, then could you just ring so Rae can speak to you? She’s missing you... and the others. I know I have no right to ask this favour for you, but if you could spare five minutes just to speak to her, I’ll be eternally grateful. I guess I’ll just be waiting for your call. Bye.”

Flipping my cell shut I placed it on the side, sliding down the counter as I felt my knees slowly give way. I felt so helpless right now; with Rae’s birthday drawing closer everyday all she was asking for was Brian but I couldn’t give her what she wanted. Anything else in the world was hers as long as it could be bought, but what she wanted was something that I couldn’t get hold of, let alone buy for her.

“Mummy?” I looked up at Rae through the hand covering my face, unable to hide my red eyes from her. She walked slowly over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, burying her face in my shoulder and murmuring,” I’m sorry mummy. I’ll eat my breakfast now; don’t cry.”

Pressing her closer to me I rubbed my hand across her back in small circles, not only to comfort her but myself as well. “I’m sorry baby. Mummy will be better in a few minutes.”

She pulled away, her hands resting on my shoulders. “I miss him too mummy. Daddy will come back soon.”

It was weird how in this instant, our roles had changed. Here my four year old daughter was comforting me, wrapping me in her arms and telling me it would be alright. My cell rang overhead but I didn’t move to take the call- right now, I couldn’t face letting Alex hear my broken voice. It would just make him feel like he would need to comfort me, just like Rae now.

“I love you Rae,” I whispered as I looked at her, running my fingers through her curls. Brian’s eyes shone at me through her, making the hollow feeling in my heart ever more pronounced. And to think that all this happened because of some dream. “Mummy loves you forever. No matter what happens, you remember that.”

She didn’t obviously know the hidden meaning behind it so merely nodded, raising her tiny hand and pressing it against my cheek. “I love you too mummy. Lots and lots.”

--

Brian’s POV

“Syn, what’s up man?” Zack asked as he took the seat opposite mine, checking his guitar over on his lap. “You look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.”

I shook my head, looking at my cell. We had been playing a few shows nearby just to get back into things after the break we took to clear our heads- probably more for mine than anyone else’s in the band. “Guess who just found their cell?”

“Man, you had us searching everywhere for that thing!” Zack sighed, propping his guitar against the wall and lounging out fully on the couch he was on. Since our first show I had misplaced my phone, and until now, I hadn’t been able to find it. “Where was it?”

“Here, I must have left it,” I replied, running down the list of things that I had missed, and seeing Nat’s number on there. Not only once either. “Oh fuck.”

“What?” Showing him my cell he looked at the number of missed calls I had from her. “What does she want? I thought you two weren’t really speaking anyway? She seemed a bit weird around you.”

“That’s what I thought as well,” I replied with a shrug. “I better find out what she wants.”

Ironically enough, when I finally got round to ringing her back, I got her answer phone. There was no point in leaving a message so I just hung up, scrolling back through my cell and listening to any messages I had got while I was gone. Most were just from the guys saying 'I was an ass' in some way or another or asking my phone where it happened to be, but the last message was completely different.

“Brian... It's Nat.”

I frowned as I listened to the rest of the message which must have then translated into guilt because Zack instantly asked what was wrong. I shook my head. “Nat left a message.”

“What'd it say?”

“It's my daughter's birthday next week.” With a soft smile, I flipped my cell shut. “It still sounds weird to say that. My daughter.”

“Daughter or not, it won't matter if Nat leaves again,” Zack replied. That was cruel, even for him.“After all, what's stopping her from leaving? Why did she even come back in the first place?”

“She never told me. I asked, but she just said she had to.”

“Had to?” He echoed. “But what was left here for her? She abandoned everything here for four years, so something must have happened to make her come back. Maybe she needed money.”

“She wouldn't have needed to come back for that, she would just need to ring Alex.”

“Missed her old friends?” He suggested. “It has been over four years.”

I shook my head. “She hasn't even seen Chloe yet. If that was the case, then she would have seen her first.”

“I guess you are right.” Zack leant back against the couch, defeated. “Why don't you ask Rev? He seems to know about Nat, he knew about Rae after all.”

“Why the fuck didn't I think of that...” I murmured, pushing myself onto my feet. “I do love your mind sometimes Vengeance.”

He grinned. “Everyone would love to have a piece of the Vengeance; sadly I can't be there for everyone.”

–

Finding Jimmy wasn't too hard since he always liked to practise in his free time, or at least if he wasn't doing that he was always somewhere nearby with Leana. Sometimes he was even teaching her to play, but that girl is so uncoordinated it made it nearly impossible. That had to be said for Jimmy's effect, since he refused to give up on her. It was quite sweet in a way, but I swear if he didn't love that girl he would have already given up five minutes into the first lesson.

In the end I found him lounging backstage with Leana, both of them sound asleep on a pile of cushions they had set out. I almost turned away because I felt bad waking them, but I knew if I didn't get my answer soon it would start eating away at me.

With the top of my shoe I gently nudged Jimmy on the side, hoping that if I only woke him up Leana wouldn't. Sadly it didn't work like that though because as soon as I touched him he jolted upright and Leana ended up rolling off him to the side, looking around in bewilderment. “What the fuck?!” She looked from Jimmy to me, her eyes narrowing. “What do you want Brian?”

“Sorry Leana,” I apologised. Waking a female up for no reason is something I normally steered away from. “I just want to talk to Jimmy.”

Out of all the girls Leana is the most forgiving, so she merely rolled her eyes and settled back down to sleep. Any of the others probably would have cursed tried to throw something at me. Jimmy meanwhile got up after realising I came to speak to him, stretching and yawning as he followed me outside, instantly lighting up a cigarette and exhaling the smoke with a sigh.

“What's up Syn? Something wrong at sound check?”

“No, nothing like that,” I replied, leaning against the wall next to him. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

His eyebrow rose. “Something you couldn't ask in front of Leana?”

“It's about Nat.”

“Something you definitely couldn’t ask in front of Leana,” he amended. None of us had disclosed to the girls about their friend's reappearance. He took another drag before looking at me. “So what do you want to know? Just because I spent time with her up in Phoenix doesn't mean I know all about her.”

“Well it's more than what I know, so I want in.”

He shrugged. “Fine. What's your question?”

“Why did Nat come back?” His gaze dropped; I could tell he knew but it didn't look like he was going to tell me. “I have a right to know.”

“She also has a right to keep it from you; did you ever think about that?” He took in the last of the stick before flicking it to the ground, pushing off from the wall and walking around me to head back inside. “If you want to know so badly, call her and ask yourself. Or better yet, go and see her. I don't see why you can't ask her in person on Rae's birthday.”

“How did you know about Rae's birthday?”

Stopping, he looked back at me. “I've been in that little girl's life for the last four years, and I've seen her grow older each year. The date hasn't changed for me, I still remember, and I'm going to see her like every other year. You are welcome to come with me, but if not- well; I guess Nat will just have to explain why for another year her father hasn't come to see her.”

“That's not fair,” I retorted. “A month ago I didn't even know I had a daughter, how can I be to blame for missing her last birthdays?”

“A little bit of care goes a long way Brian,” he replied. “If at any point you had called Nat she probably would have told you. She may have been the one to run away but she ran away from your lifestyle, not you. She was just waiting for the time that it would no longer matter.”

None of my words reached him as he walked away, disappearing into the back presumably to snuggle up with Leana again. He left me more confused than I was before however; what could he possibly mean by that last thing?

She was just waiting for the time that it would no longer matter.

That what would matter? That the way I lived wouldn't matter? I guess partying every night and going on tour wouldn't be a fantastic place for a kid... but I would have done anything for that girl. I loved her... I would have left it all to be with her.

What is she hiding from me?