One Heart

Nathalie's POV

“Rae!”

My hand reached out to grab onto hers, but darkness seemed to be swallowing her, taking her from me. Something seemed to be keeping me in place so I couldn't run out to save her, just having to watch as she disappeared in front of my eyes.

–

“No!”

Jolting upright, the sunglasses fell off my eyes and onto my lap, exposing my wide, red eyes. My heart was still racing despite the dream- or rather nightmare- being over and I guessed I must have actually said the last warning as my throat felt raw. Another indication that I had said it aloud was the fact that everyone was looking directly at me, all as confused as I was beginning to feel.

“Nat?” Chloe crawled across the sand to my side, looking at me with concern. “Babe, are you alright?” I nodded in reply, my legs trembling underneath me as I got up, dropping to one knee as a result. Chloe instantly tried to help but I waved her away, pushing myself to my feet and making sure I stayed there, albeit if I swayed slightly. “Nat...”

“I'm just going to get something from the car,” I said. “I'll be back soon.”

–

Brian's POV

None of us knew what to do after Nathalie left, just staring out each other stupidly as if thinking that the answer would suddenly pop up somehow.

“Maybe one of us should go check on her,” Chloe suggested after at least five minutes of silence. “Just to see if she's alright.”

I turned to her, asking, “What makes you think that anything is wrong?”

She reached over to the side where her bag was, pulling out a set of keys and showing them to me. “How can she get anything from the car if it’s locked?”

None of us knew what to make of it; did Nathalie forget or did she just do it intentionally? I was about to say that I would take them to her but Jimmy beat me to it, plucking them from her hand and quickly walking in the same general direction of Nat. It was only after he disappeared up some stairs that I suddenly remembered that in every single situation we had been in that involved Nat, he was always the one to go after her if he was there.

What were they keeping from us? From me?

“I'm just going for a smoke,” I said to the others as I got up and walked away. “I'll be back in a bit.”

The true reason of leaving was actually to find out what Jimmy was doing, but if I did end up finding something, I think I'll probably need one anyway.

–

“Nat?” Peeking through the windows of the car I was hiding behind I watched as Jimmy went up to Nat, lifting himself onto the wall to sit beside her. He pulled her to him, her head leaning against his shoulder. “You can't break now Nat. You've been so strong up until now.”

Can't break for what?

“It's easier to say that when you aren't going through what I am,” she replied, her chest heaving a loud sigh. “I just don't have the strength to keep up this losing fight any more- but I can't leave Rae yet. I don't know if Brian will be there for her when I'm not.”

“I'm sure he will be.” He paused before continuing and turned to look directly where I was sitting. For a moment I thought he saw me, but then he looked back at Nat, rubbing her arm to comfort her. I should be the one doing that. “You just need to give him time.”

Nathalie pulled away, holding herself in her arms. “I don't have the time to wait Jimmy! Everyday I wake up thinking how little time I have left... I can feel it every moment I'm awake, and I dream about it when I go to sleep.” She shuddered then, despite there being no chill whatsoever. “I dream about the darkness... about losing Rae... losing everyone...”

“Losing Brian?”

She grew silent, eventually replying, “And losing Brian.”

At that moment, I don't think my heart could have taken much more, just yearning to run over to where she stood and hold her in my arms like I had all those years ago, to whisper to her all the things I should have been able to say all the time we were apart. I didn't listen to this want however, remaining where I was as she spoke again.

“I don't think I'll be around much longer.”

What? Was she leaving for Phoenix again? Somewhere else?

Pushing off from the ledge she fell to the ground; however she didn't land on her feet like any normal person would have, instead dropping forward onto one knee as if she didn't have the strength to keep herself upright. It looked like a struggle for her to remain on her feet as she held on desperately onto Jimmy as he helped her back up, her voice choking her words to the point where I almost couldn't hear them.

“Why me?” She whispered into his chest, her sobs breaking each syllable. “Why me?”

“I don't know why,” Jimmy murmured.

“I lost my parents when I was young, but now they want to do the same to my child?” Her voice grew higher and more hysterical as she went on. “Why can't I be allowed to watch her grow up, to see her take her first days into school, give her advice on things...?”

“You shouldn't get all worked up about it-”

This was the wrong thing to say.

In an instant sorrow had converted to outright fury. “Don't you fucking dare try and tell me not to worry about it!” She shrieked at him, pushing away from him and stumbling back. “Who gives you the fucking right to tell me not to worry about my daughter! It's all fine when you are going to be around to see it yourself but I'm not, or did you forget that? You're not the one that is going to be fucking dead in a few months; I'll be lucky if I even live to my next birthday!”

Wh....what? Surely I didn't hear that right...

“Look, I didn't mean it like that-”

“Well then how did you fucking mean it Sullivan?” Her tone then turned mocking. “Oh yeah, death isn't all that bad. One day your here, and the next your not, but it doesn't matter. Life goes on right?”

He grew slightly angry at that. “I'm the one being attacked here-”

“Oh, so sorry,” she replied darkly with a roll of her eyes. “I forgot that those who have no worries shouldn't have to hear those of others.”

Jimmy sighed. “Syn, can you help me out here?”

What?! Shit, did he know I was here the whole time?

“What?” Nathalie's eyes grew wide, looking all around the parking lot they were in. “What do you mean?”

“Brian, I know you are behind that car,” Jimmy called, turning to face my hiding spot. “You didn't hide very well.”

Fuck, I knew it. No point staying here now.

I stepped out scratching my head sheepishly, avoiding Nathalie's gaze. “So you saw me, huh?”

“A guy like you isn't hard to miss you know.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Well for one, you were hiding behind car windows. They are see-through you dumb shit.”

I scowled. “Cheers.”

In that short time, I had almost forgotten Nathalie was even there. “Brian? What... what are you doing here?” Her hands were shaking as she stared at them, her face draining of all colour when I finally looked at her. “How much... what did you hear?”

No point lying. “Everything.”

“Oh.” She backed up a bit to sit on the side of the car beside her, her hands trembling as she ran them through her hair. “You... you heard everything?”

“Yes.” I dared to take a step closer. “Is it true? About...” I couldn't say it. “You are going to...”

She smiled sadly. “This wasn't how I wanted you to find out.”

Right now neither of us cared for the awkward connection we had shared these past few months as I sat down next to her on the car. “Is it as bad as you said it is? That you are... well, you know...”

“Yes,” she sighed. “In a few months- maybe a bit longer if I'm lucky- I am meant to be dead.”

“But... why?”

Only one word could explain everything. “Leukaemia.”

“Right.” What could I say to that? “Can't they do anything?”

She shook her head. “Chemotherapy, radiotherapy, drugs... they would only be a stall. Out of all the variations I could have got, I got the one of the worst.”

“Well if it's a stall, why didn't you take it?”

It took her a while to reply and at one point I didn't think she was going to. Then again, it wasn't like I understood what she did end up saying. “You know a butterfly are said to live for 24 hours, right?”

“Technically that's wrong,” Jimmy cut in. “They can live anywhere from two days to a year-”

She glared at him, silencing him instantly. “Fine. Imagine a butterfly living for only 24 hours after it had hatched from the cocoon, how pretty and carefree it is. In those precious hours it makes sure it fits everything it wants to do before dying. That's what I want to do.”

“I'm confused.”

“I never was the best to explain things, Chloe can tell you that,” she chuckled. “Well then how about this; if I took the drugs, or the treatment, I wouldn't be able to do most things I can now. They are set out to kill cancer cells, but likewise they can kill the healthy ones as well. With me so far?” I nodded. “Well it means that even though I could potentially live longer, it would be a life that wasn't mine. I'd rather live those 24 hours knowing I could be myself, not worrying about not being able to do things because of treatment or anything. I'd rather live them running with Rae at the beach, shopping with Clo in the mall, spending time with everyone... even if it meant that I wouldn't be around as long. It's better to live the last few months of your life at your best, and then live out the remainder of your time at your worst.”

“Erm...”

“You still don't get it do you?” She laughed- a beautiful sound I hadn't heard in a long time. However there was something wrong in the picture; as the sun dropped overhead and shone upon her I could finally notice the bags under her eyes and the paleness of her skin. Even her blue eyes had seemed to have faded. “Just know that today, right now; I'm a beautiful butterfly. Tomorrow is another time.”