One Heart

Nathalie's POV

A few hours later I was sitting in the hospital bed in a soft, lavender gown, something that Chloe had just so happened to have with her. That girl always just so happened to have anything with her relating to something you really don't want but she does for you, but at least this time it was a change I didn't mind. At least it wasn't poofy. That was certainly a plus.

It was perhaps ten minutes or so after Brian helped me back into bed that Alex returned with Rae, leaving my daughter with me as he left to talk to the doctor about something, presumably about prognosis and what they could do. I could have told him that, but I guess my opinion doesn't count even though it is my life. I guess no one wants to hear from a dying person that they are fine with going, leaving everyone behind. Then again, I did have a lot of time to think about it, while they all had a few hours.

As soon as Rae arrived everyone just seemed to get up and go including Brian, probably to give us some time alone. It's not like I was going to die in the next 24 hours.

I think.

“Mummy what's that noise?” Rae asked, pointing to the heart rate monitor that was beeping constantly next to the bed.

“That's mummy's heart,” I replied, gently running my fingers through her auburn curls after I had taken out all the pins that had kept it up earlier for the wedding.

“I thought your heart was here,” she said with a frown, pointing to her chest. “That's what you said.”

“It is.” I separated her hair into two sections and began to plait them. “It is just telling everyone mummy's heart is happy.”

“Can Rae's heart try?” Her eyed widened as the doubt crept in. Really I shouldn't. “Please?”

Within moments of the small clip being taken off my finger the monitor flat-lined; screeching that its owner was now without a pulse. This of course wasn't true, but it didn't stop everyone from quickly running inside, concern lacing their expressions as they stared at the pair of us. Eventually a doctor pushed his way through them, the serious lines decorating their skin soon easing into the same confusion shared by the others.

The monitor had begun beeping at a steady rate once again.

“Look! Rae's heart is happy too!” She looked so excited, lifting her finger with the clip attached to show the crowd. “Happy!”

“Sorry,” I apologised, “my daughter just wanted to play with the machine.”

He sighed, adjusting his white coat where it had fallen off his shoulders from having to shove through everyone. Crossing to the bedside he sat on the edge of the bed, smiling as he pointed to the clip on Rae's finger. “Could I try it?” She nodded, passing him the device. The monitor instantly started screeching again and everyone flinched apart from Rae and the doctor who seemed to be fine. He pretended to marvel at it before slipping it onto my finger and saying, “I think we should just give it back to your mummy, what do you think?” She pouted, to which he continued, “And I get you a lolly? That's if your mummy says it is okay.”

“A lolly?” Her face brightened as she turned to me. “Can I have a lolly? Pleeeassee?”

I smiled. “Of course honey. Just make sure not to have a raspberry one, as remember you are-”

“Allergic.”

“That's right,” I said. “But you can have anything else.”

“Even spaghetti flavoured lollies?”

“Only if the doctor has them.”

“Sorry kiddo, only got strawberry for you today,” he chuckled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the sugary treat.

“That's alright,” Rae replied, accepting the lolly, “I like strawberry too.”

The doctor smiled, stepping back and looking at us all with a sweeping glance. “Visiting hours are almost over. I think it is best everyone gets some rest after this eventful day.” He left soon after leaving everyone just standing around, shifting awkwardly in the silence.

“Rae, why don't you say goodbye?” Alex suggested after some time in the tense atmosphere.

“But I don't want to go,” she retorted, crossing her arms and pouting. “I want to stay with mummy.”

“Rae...”

“No!”

He looked defeated, not seeming to have the strength to tear a daughter away from her mother, especially when that parent couldn't have long left. Instead I took over, even though I wished to do anything but have her leave my side. “Honey, it's time to go,” I said soothingly, “Uncle Alex needs to get back to Auntie Sophie and Mickey. You like Mickey don't you?”

“Yes.” She turned to me. “But I still don't want to go. I want to stay with you.”

“You can't honey, you need to go. People need to sleep, and they can't do that with everyone around. Don't worry, I will be here tomorrow, and I am sure Uncle Alex will bring you to see me then.”

“Really?”

Alex smiled. “Of course I will Rae; as soon as visiting hours start again.”

“Okay!” Smiling now, she crawled across the bed and wrapped her arms around my neck, murmuring, “Get well soon mummy,” in my ear before slipping off the bed and taking Alex's hand who then led her out after waving himself.

It was hard for me to watch those two go but the ache grew worse as each of the others left, watching as the girls tried to hide back the tears as they hugged me goodbye and the guys giving me a sympathetic squeeze of their hand as they escorted their partners out. Matt (Tuck) hung out with Brian and I after everyone had gone, knowing that all he had to go back to at this moment was an empty hotel room since the rest of the band was back in their home town in Wales.

At some point, the conversation we were having had moved to Rae, me and Phoenix.

“So why Phoenix?”

I looked at Matt, watching as he rocked himself on the back legs of the chair he was on. Soon he was going to fall off, I could tell. “Just the name really. Nothing else.”

He cocked his head. “What, Phoenix? What's special about that?”

“Everything.” I smiled softly, thinking wistfully of how I came to choose Phoenix as my new start. “Phoenix means rebirth; it will wither and die but is born again from the ashes, still beautiful. That's what I wanted to be like. Despite everything that had happened, to still be beautiful.”

“Nat?”

“Mmm?”

“You know that is a bit self-centred right?”

“I never thought about it like that,” I chuckled. “I guess it is.” Thinking about the sunny state made me sigh, my gaze falling. “I miss it.”

“How come?”

“I wasn't sick there.”

No one responded to that, knowing there was nothing to say. I looked over at Brian. “I want to go home.” Immediately after I said I reached over and switched off the heart monitor and took off the machine on my finger before I slid my legs out from under the covers and onto the floor, catching myself on the end of the bed.

“Nathalie, what the hell do you think you're doing?” Brian said in alarm, by my side in an instant and supporting my side. “Get back into the bed; you can't be moving around like this.”

He tried to guide me back into bed but I pulled away, stumbling blindly to the doorway before stopping a few paces short. “This is my wedding night.” I laughed bitterly. “And where am I? Trapped in a hospital.” I pressed my hand to the door and gently eased it open. “You can help me or not; either way I'm getting out of here.”

“Nat.” Brian walked over to where I was, pulling me back from the door and into his arms, stroking his hands through my hair. “You don't need to think you need to do things for yourself any more. That's what I am here for.” He smiled. “Mrs. Haner.”

I buried my face in his shirt, squeezing him never wanting to let go. “Thank you.”

–

Somehow Matt had managed to score a long white coat like the ones the doctors wore and basically masqueraded as one of them while Brian carried me on his back out of the hospital. You could tell that some of the other doctors and nurses were wondering what we were doing and most wanted to ask but for some reason none of them did; I think that was probably because of Matt's coat. Sure he didn't look anything like a doctor with all his tattoos and long hair, but hey. Clearly the medical staff at this hospital were smart, but had no common sense whatsoever. Regardless it was all too simple for us to leave, Matt driving as Brian sat in the passenger, me on his lap.

“Is this car yours?” I asked Matt, easily recognising the vehicle I had once owned myself.

God I missed that thing.

He laughed. “This? Hell no. They look amazing, but I'm not shelling out for one of these.”

My eyes drifted to Brian. “Yours?”

“Ours.”

“Ours?” My brow furrowed. “But... who...?”

“It seems that once everyone knew you no longer had your old one they decided to get us a replacement.”

“That's nice of them.” I yawned involuntarily, but I didn't let my eyes close.

“Why don't you try to get some sleep?” Brian suggested. “I promise I won't wake you when we get home.”

I shook my head. “I don't want to.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

“Because if I do-” I rose my head off his chest, looking at him intently as I cupped his cheek, fear in my eyes. “I'm scared I won't wake up again. I'm scared I'll lose you.”

“Don't be.” He eased me back so that I was resting against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around me as he leant and whispered in my ear, “I'll be here when you wake up. I promise. Get some sleep.”

Normally my stubborn personality would have refused to listen, but for some reason, right now, it did. No matter what fear I had, I knew I had to believe him. He would be there. He would be.

I know it.