She Haunts Me
1/1
She's gone.
That was everything I could think of. My best friend, the girl I could always rely on, was dead. She was gone. Nothing could have brought her back.
I needed Kayla. She was the only one I had, apart from my friends, who I couldn’t trust. Even if I wanted to, they had always lied to me, they were never honest. I just couldn’t trust them. If I told them all about Kayla and me, they would've laughed at me. I knew them much too good to ever talk to them about serious stuff.
That's what Kayla was for. She was always there, when I needed someone. She always cheered me up. I don't know how she managed to do so, but she always lightened up my days.
Kayla was the best friend anyone could imagine. She cared about everyone, but herself. She always put her own to the last.
I loved her, as my best friend. At least I think so.
Right now, I was lying on the floor in my room. Everyone was out at that party. They even tried to get me to go there, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to get wasted. That always reminded me of Kayla. We went out partying a lot, just to drown our thoughts. We would get wasted and not remember the night at all. We just lived and had fun.
I couldn’t do this anymore. Now that she was dead.
We shouldn’t have gone to that one party. That one party that made my life as horrible as it is now.
Kayla and I were drinking the whole night, doing some drugs from time to time. We both loved the feeling to forget everything around us. I didn’t think the drugs would ever harm us. We had done this for so long, nothing bad had ever happened, until this night.
My friend wanted to try something new. Some guy at the party had told her, that Heroine would be so much better than all the other stuff she had done before. Kayla of course didn’t reject the invitation. She would get it for free, that was all that mattered.
Now if you think Kayla was an addict, and didn’t get away from that stuff. She wasn’t. She just did all that for fun, not too much, so she wouldn’t need it.
Kayla never needed it. She always wanted it.
That night, Kayla and that guy disappeared into the bathroom. No one could've seen what they were doing, or they would've been screwed. It was illegal after all.
When this guy, I still don’t know his name, came back out about an hour later, Kayla was missing.
My face was blank, I didn’t even want to think of everything possible. Normally Kayla was the one to come out first. The drugs never had too much effect on her.
This time however I wasn’t so sure. I had this bad feeling, that something wasn’t right. My best friend wasn’t coming back. Everything drained me to look for her, but my legs wouldn’t move. I couldn’t go there. I knew what I was about to see and I wasn’t ready for it.
Kayla was only nineteen years old. She wasn’t old enough to die. There was so much more she could've seen. Her life had just started and then ended so quickly.
Just thinking of her made my eyes water. I needed to get away. I needed to drink again.
I wasn’t an alcoholic, I just drank a lot. Mostly to not having to think about Kayla, but sometimes for fun. Those times were rare, though.
It didn’t take long for me to decide to go to this party. The party that was today, everyone invited me to.
I just wanted to drink, and there I didn’t even have to pay for it.
After some beers, I already felt a little dizzy. I wasn’t drunk, though. Dancing the night away, not bothering to think about anything, that was just what I needed at that point. I wasn't able to face the past.
"Baby, let's get some more…"
I wasn’t sure, who had said that, feeling lightheaded and everything, but the voice definitely sounded like Kayla's. I swear I heard your voice, overwhelmed by conversation.
It wasn’t the only time I imagined Kayla to be here. I thought I saw your eyes,
Laced in smoke & cigarette curls.
Though I knew it wasn’t her and that I surely was imagining all of it, it gave me strength to go on. It was like she wanted to tell me something.
I wasn’t sure what, though. It could've meant that I should go on and don’t do the same shit she did.
On the other hand, she could've wanted me to come to her. To leave all this shit behind and join her wherever she was, that it was a lot better there.
I wouldn’t have killed myself. I wanted to live through all of it. Not only for me, but for Kayla, who didn’t have the chance to do so.
I wanted to see everything life could bring, I didn’t want to miss anything.
Back then I already I knew, that Kayla would never leave me. She was always there, maybe not in person, but she tried to help me, from wherever she was.
I always heard her voice, saw her eyes glistening in the sunlight, her black her waving in the wind. Wherever I went, I remembered Kayla.
She haunts me!
'til my bitter end.
She haunts me!
That was everything I could think of. My best friend, the girl I could always rely on, was dead. She was gone. Nothing could have brought her back.
I needed Kayla. She was the only one I had, apart from my friends, who I couldn’t trust. Even if I wanted to, they had always lied to me, they were never honest. I just couldn’t trust them. If I told them all about Kayla and me, they would've laughed at me. I knew them much too good to ever talk to them about serious stuff.
That's what Kayla was for. She was always there, when I needed someone. She always cheered me up. I don't know how she managed to do so, but she always lightened up my days.
Kayla was the best friend anyone could imagine. She cared about everyone, but herself. She always put her own to the last.
I loved her, as my best friend. At least I think so.
Right now, I was lying on the floor in my room. Everyone was out at that party. They even tried to get me to go there, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to get wasted. That always reminded me of Kayla. We went out partying a lot, just to drown our thoughts. We would get wasted and not remember the night at all. We just lived and had fun.
I couldn’t do this anymore. Now that she was dead.
We shouldn’t have gone to that one party. That one party that made my life as horrible as it is now.
Kayla and I were drinking the whole night, doing some drugs from time to time. We both loved the feeling to forget everything around us. I didn’t think the drugs would ever harm us. We had done this for so long, nothing bad had ever happened, until this night.
My friend wanted to try something new. Some guy at the party had told her, that Heroine would be so much better than all the other stuff she had done before. Kayla of course didn’t reject the invitation. She would get it for free, that was all that mattered.
Now if you think Kayla was an addict, and didn’t get away from that stuff. She wasn’t. She just did all that for fun, not too much, so she wouldn’t need it.
Kayla never needed it. She always wanted it.
That night, Kayla and that guy disappeared into the bathroom. No one could've seen what they were doing, or they would've been screwed. It was illegal after all.
When this guy, I still don’t know his name, came back out about an hour later, Kayla was missing.
My face was blank, I didn’t even want to think of everything possible. Normally Kayla was the one to come out first. The drugs never had too much effect on her.
This time however I wasn’t so sure. I had this bad feeling, that something wasn’t right. My best friend wasn’t coming back. Everything drained me to look for her, but my legs wouldn’t move. I couldn’t go there. I knew what I was about to see and I wasn’t ready for it.
Kayla was only nineteen years old. She wasn’t old enough to die. There was so much more she could've seen. Her life had just started and then ended so quickly.
Just thinking of her made my eyes water. I needed to get away. I needed to drink again.
I wasn’t an alcoholic, I just drank a lot. Mostly to not having to think about Kayla, but sometimes for fun. Those times were rare, though.
It didn’t take long for me to decide to go to this party. The party that was today, everyone invited me to.
I just wanted to drink, and there I didn’t even have to pay for it.
After some beers, I already felt a little dizzy. I wasn’t drunk, though. Dancing the night away, not bothering to think about anything, that was just what I needed at that point. I wasn't able to face the past.
"Baby, let's get some more…"
I wasn’t sure, who had said that, feeling lightheaded and everything, but the voice definitely sounded like Kayla's. I swear I heard your voice, overwhelmed by conversation.
It wasn’t the only time I imagined Kayla to be here. I thought I saw your eyes,
Laced in smoke & cigarette curls.
Though I knew it wasn’t her and that I surely was imagining all of it, it gave me strength to go on. It was like she wanted to tell me something.
I wasn’t sure what, though. It could've meant that I should go on and don’t do the same shit she did.
On the other hand, she could've wanted me to come to her. To leave all this shit behind and join her wherever she was, that it was a lot better there.
I wouldn’t have killed myself. I wanted to live through all of it. Not only for me, but for Kayla, who didn’t have the chance to do so.
I wanted to see everything life could bring, I didn’t want to miss anything.
Back then I already I knew, that Kayla would never leave me. She was always there, maybe not in person, but she tried to help me, from wherever she was.
I always heard her voice, saw her eyes glistening in the sunlight, her black her waving in the wind. Wherever I went, I remembered Kayla.
She haunts me!
'til my bitter end.
She haunts me!