Right Now, I'm Anyone's

“Said, I’m gonna give you my tongue, and I’m sure you’re gonna laugh, sure you’re gonna laugh. ‘Cause all you really had before has made you pay the right price, baby pay the right price. We’ll follow these lines for miles, so listen with your ears and talk with your hands, ‘cause where we’re driving now, will open your eyes, baby open your eyes...”

I took another light sip of my second vodka and Coke of the night, vowing that I was going to take it as slow as I possibly could, and taking in the atmosphere from where I sat with my back against the hot leather of a booth Tom had selected for us, directly opposite of the DJ’s station. The lights pulsed everywhere and made it shockingly difficult to look around properly.

“...I’ll show you the world, if you just take me by the hand and talk about our souls. And I will show you the road, if you just take me by the hand and talk about our souls...”

I squinted again against the luminescent coloured lights glaring into my eyes as I tried to stare out onto the dance floor next to where our table was, where I was seated with Daniel, Tom, Ryan, Zoë, Danny, Sean and Dean. From what I remembered, Johnny was out on the dance floor dancing with a blonde girl dressed up like Pamela Anderson. I had laughed when I saw her.

“...Said I’m gonna drive to LA, and we shouldn’t look back, baby never look back, ‘cause I am one of those that locks a door behind, and I am one of those who dreads to see the white light. Said, I’m gonna give you my tongue, and I’m sure you’re gonna laugh, sure you’re gonna laugh. ‘Cause all you’ve really had before, will only settle you to sleep, baby settle you to sleep...”

Another sip at my drink, another glance around the room and another shake of my foot to the beat of the music. Johnny and his girl were getting a little bit closer every second – though it could only have been eleven – and Zoë had disappeared into the crowd of people, following behind Frank towards the bar. Both of them disapproved most of the music that had been played so far, and therefore weren’t too impressed with the DJ.

I felt a sharp thing nudge into my ribs and turned to look to my right. Tom was sitting next to me, mouthing the word ‘dance’. I laughed and nodded, placing my drink down on the table before I let him haul me up, my free hand clasped tightly around my bag.

“...I’ll show you the world, if you just take me by the hand and talk about our souls. And I will show you the road, if you just put me in the right direction. And I’ll show you the world, if you just take me by the hand and talk about our souls. And I’ll show you the road, if you just put me in the right direction...”

Tom and I found Maddox when we had pushed our way through the crowds of people, standing with a group near the edge of the dance floor and chatting animatedly to them. I grabbed hold of Maddox and dragged him along behind me as Tom pulled us further through the crowd, towards the DJ’s station. We danced together – with Tom and I being a little bit more rhythmic than Maddox. I just laughed at him, mostly.

“...I’ll show you the world, if you just take me by the hand and talk about our souls. And I will show you the road, if you just put me in the right direction. And I’ll show you the world, if you just take me by the hand and talk about our souls. And I will show you the road, if you just put me in the right direction...”

“Who sings this? It’s actually really, really good,” Maddox shouted breathlessly into my ear as he jumped around frantically.

I felt another laugh bubble up in my throat, but it was overwhelmed by the music coming from the huge speaker just behind our heads. I shouted back, “Futures.”

“...And I’ll show you the world, if you just take me by the hand and talk about our souls. And I’ll show you the road, if you just put me in the right direction.”

Tom and Maddox both stopped dancing after I had, considering I knew when the song ended and they had never heard it before. We laughed together when a new song started up and I noticed Tom shudder and make a face at the choice – something by Paramore, I think. We made our way through the crowds again towards the bar; I noticed Maddox’s new friends had disappeared, to be replaced by another, equally quirky group of kids that looked a bit too young to be there.

Maddox and Tom both ordered another drink each for themselves, while I decided that I may as well lay off for a while. Tom and I talked in raised voices over the music and he laughed at some of the people there. A couple of kids approached him when they recognised him, but when I say a couple I really do mean two or three.

“Excuse me,” somebody behind me shouted, tapping my shoulder. I turned my head away from Tom and saw a man that I didn’t recognise. He was tall – a lot taller than me, anyway – with thick stubble on his chin and the left side of his lip pierced. He had broad shoulders and friendly brown eyes, his hair cropped short; I couldn’t quite tell the colour of it in the dark, though. Every spot of available skin I could see was covered in a tattoo; his arms, his neck, even his legs. He gave me another friendly smile before he said, “What are you drinking tonight?”

I felt my eyebrows pull together in confusion. “Uh, vodka and Coke. Why do you ask?”

“So that I know what I’m buying you,” he laughed, his lips near my ear. He turned and ordered two vodka and Cokes before I had chance to protest, almost immediately getting the attention of the bartender. He turned back to me and said, “My name’s Jason.”

“I’m Leila.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” he smiled, reaching out to shake my hand. He picked up the two drinks that had been placed on the bar in front of him and handed one to me, before handing the money over for them. We both leaned back against the bar casually and took sips of our drinks. I heard him laugh every time I grimaced at the song change – it was all softer emo nonsense at that point, which was kind of why alternative bars were never a good place for a night out – which progressed to us shouting at each other about our musical preferences. His was different to mine, very different. He was more into hardcore and metalcore than I was or ever will be – which instantly made me think of Dean.

I shook it off and kept talking.

*****

“So, you’re from Leeds; what’s brought you down to Liverpool?” Jason asked, cradling his chin in his cupped hand while his elbow rested on the table between us. I laughed and took a sip of my fifth or sixth drink of the night – technically, I was taking it slow, it was almost midnight by then and I had danced a lot – and looked at him.

“I’m not from Leeds, I just live and work there,” I said. “I work at a place called Flux, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it-”

“I’ve heard of it,” he interrupted, smiling.

“Right,” I laughed. “Well, last night was the last date of some festival my boss set up. I’m here with a few of the bands tonight, actually.”

“Anyone good?”

“Depends on your taste.”

“Try me.”

I sighed and shook my head for a moment before responding. “I don’t remember that well right now. Carcer City, I think Abrogation’s Crown are here, Asking Alexandria – at least, some of them – Deaf Havana, Eye Witness, Gallows, Architects and The Blackout.”

“Sounds good,” he said. “Gallows and Eye Witness are pretty good.”

“I’ll introduce you later on if you play your cards right,” I joked. Jason just laughed and finished off his drink. I took advantage of the silence and started scanning around the room, checking that everybody hadn’t left without me.

“Looking for someone?”

I turned back to him. “Just checking they didn’t leave without me. You aren’t here alone are you?”

“Nope,” he laughed. “Well, I might be. I abandoned my mates when I saw you at the bar earlier.”

“You should go find them,” I said. “How are you getting home?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he shrugged. “You’re nice to talk to and really gorgeous. I’ve kind of been working up the courage to ask for your number for the past half an hour.”

I laughed and felt myself blush slightly. “It’s not that that isn’t sweet, but I’ve got a boyfriend. I think.”

“You think?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

“Things are...complicated.”

“How so?”

“I don’t really want to talk abou-”

“Hey, Leila!” someone shouted in my ear, making me jump. “You coming back over or not?”

I turned around, my green eyes almost immediately locking with shocking blue – even in the darkness, I could see the colour perfectly. I nodded my head without questioning his reasons, and Dean waited patiently for me while I excused myself from Jason. I hesitated slightly when Jason went to hug me, but gave him it anyway – and distinctly felt a light pinch on my backside.

Did he seriously just do that?

“See you later, Leila,” he said as I swiftly pulled back, after no doubt squeaking in shock down his ear. I avoided his eyes and nodded quickly, waiting with less patience than Dean had while they shook hands. Dean turned it into a man-hug and during the break between two songs, I heard his threat.

“I’ll pretend that was an accident,” Dean growled. “Now, fuck off away from my girlfriend, mate.”

I had to suppress my laughter when Jason gave Dean a shocked look – I didn’t quite manage to fight off the little pang of guilt when Dean said ‘girlfriend’, though. Jason scrambled off in the opposite direction to us and Dean started walking through the crowds of people – tripping over his own feet, of course. I can’t really imagine myself doing much better, though, since I’d broken my vow to not get too drunk.

Dean stepped aside and let me slide into the booth we sat at earlier before him, and then followed, sliding right up to my side. I wasn’t sure if he actually meant to sit that close, or if he had intended to brush his hand ever so lightly against my own, where it rested on the leather of the seat. Neither of us spoke – probably because it was near enough impossible with the volume of the music – but it wasn’t really a bad thing. I didn’t want any kind of serious conversation destroying my little buzz.

“Do you want a drink?” Dean shouted, scratching his head theatrically with the blades attached to the glove on his right hand. I chuckled when he almost poked his eye out. I thought; I was already considerably drunker than I planned to be, thanks to Jason and all the drinks he insisted on buying me. Maybe a little liquid confidence was what I needed.

“Sure,” I shouted back. “I’ll come up with you.”

He nodded and slid out of the booth, with me following behind him. I didn’t protest when his hand laced with mine – quite frankly, there was no point and I kept telling myself that he was only doing it so Jason wouldn’t bother me again. He was far too pushy for my liking.

I did feel bad, afterwards. Not because of Levi, but because the thought of him hadn’t crossed my mind when it should’ve. I was a sad excuse for a girlfriend, but at the time it didn’t even bother me enough to think about it.

Dean didn’t let go of my hand when we had managed to get to the bar – he just carefully removed his glove with his teeth so that he wouldn’t startle the bar staff and raised his hand to get served. He ordered two drinks I didn’t catch the name of and turned back to me when the barmaid had gone to mix them. He smiled crookedly when he caught my eye.

“I like your costume,” he called into my ear, leaning in so that I could hear. His scent rushed straight up my nose and I felt more intoxicated that before. It was like lemon, and cigarettes, and that musty smell of dry ice smoke. He let go of my hand to pay the barmaid; she started speaking to him and he laughed, shaking his head. I saw her shrug her shoulders and he turned back to me, handing me my drink and clinking his own cup against it before we both took a sip.

I must’ve given him a questioning look, because he shouted into my ear, “She asked if I was who she thought I was.”

“Oh,” I nodded. “And where you?”

“Well,” he laughed, pulling back to wink at me. “I told her otherwise.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him; he saw and made a face that made me laugh again. After that, I couldn’t really speak, mainly because I didn’t know what I could possibly say. Part of me wanted to talk about what happened, but another – much bigger, more eager – part of me wanted to forget about it. But the look on his face when he stormed out of my home the day before kept coming back to the front of my mind, consuming it.

I wish now that I’d let him have his argument with Levi, kick him out of my home and knocked some sense into my dense head. Of course Levi wasn’t good for me, if he could threaten me so easily and talk to me like I was nothing the way he did – he wasn’t worth my time. But hello, I was stupid, and I didn’t see what was in front of me.

“Are you just not going to speak to me or something?” he asked, a slight edge of pain to his voice, after a couple more moments of silence. “I’m sorry I put you on the spot or whatever, I was pissed out of my mind and didn’t know what I was doing.”

I smiled half-heartedly and tried not to let that sink in. “I wasn’t not speaking to you, I just don’t have anything to say.”

“Right,” he said, a perplexed look on his face as he leaned back against the bar for balance. “So, does that mean we’re friends or not?”

“Definitely friends.”

“Good.” A clumsy smile lit up his face, stretching his toffee skin over his cheekbones as he reached out and grabbed my hand. “I know I’ve said this, but it is good to see you again.”

“You, too,” I slurred, patting the back of his hand. “And thank you for saving me earlier.”

“No problem,” he laughed. “That bloke was creepy, really.”

I nodded and we both smiled at one another when a familiar song started in the background. We definitely both recognised it, and started swaying together – since we were probably too drunk to risk dancing – to Here’s To The Past by A Day To Remember. I think we both could relate to that song, really.

We didn’t utter a word to each other throughout the entire song, or the entire three songs following it. We stood together in silence and swayed slightly, though I don’t think he really recognised two out of the three songs that followed. The gentle swaying was interrupted when James and Tom came rocketing on wobbly feet over to us, drunker than both Dean and I put together. They were shouting so loud that we didn’t have to lean in to hear what they were saying.

“THE DJ’S PLAYING SOME HAVANA NEXT!” James garbled, his voice raised as he aimed a high five at a guy stood somewhere near him – that probably had no idea what he was talking about – and narrowly missed hitting him in the nose. “YOU HAVE TO GET UP AND DANCE WITH US, RIGHT NOW!”

I laughed so hard that my ribs ached when Tom’s eyes dropped shut for a second and he almost collapsed onto the floor. Dean chuckled feebly by my side and pushed himself awkwardly away from the bar behind him, keeping his fingers curled around my own. Though he was extremely, undeniably and shamelessly drunk, James noticed it and gave me a very meaningful look.

Or at least it’d be meaningful if: a) I was sober, b) it hadn’t come from somebody very, very drunk or c) it didn’t come from James Veck-Gilodi.

The introduction to 3 Cheers For The Easy Life started playing through the oversized speakers and Tom and James both bolted to the front of the crowd, close to the DJ’s station were Ryan, Chris and Lee stood with their arms slung loosely around each other’s shoulders as they staggered. Dean and I followed, and I couldn’t hold back a laugh when James, Ryan and Tom all started singing – loudly – along.

A few other members of the crowd realised who they were standing with and approached Chris and Lee – because they weren’t going as insane as James, Ryan and Tom – who shook hands with them and then slung their arms around their shoulders and carried on singing along. Dean and I just stuck together, dancing.

Well, we weren’t so much dancing as jumping around as maniacs and shouting the words to each other at the top of our lungs. When the song slowed down, I think I saw something in Dean’s face change; a softening of sorts. He grabbed both of my wrists and pulled me close to him, singing softly – albeit out of tune and slurred – into my ear. Despite the slur, the soft singing reminded me of that beautiful summer afternoon we spent together in his bedroom six years ago.

“And she still said, ‘I’ll be forever whispering in your ear’, another gentle lie or this is not the sun. We all sat down and we all sang, whoa, we’ll keep this alive, until the day that we die.”

I think it really should’ve frightened me that he was so close to me, or that I didn’t think that I’d be able to stop myself if he decided he wanted us to kiss again. It should’ve frightened me that I was so heartless not to think about my maybe boyfriend, or that I wouldn’t want us to stop kissing if he initiated it first. I had to think about Levi, but I just couldn’t force myself to do it, not properly.

But, he didn’t kiss me. He just stared and stared, for what felt like hours straight into my eyes. It was the longest imaginable time, and it was like he was trying to read me by my eyes; whether I wanted something, whether I wanted him? Of course I did, I wouldn’t admit it, though.

His face shifted again, and he turned away, taking a long drink out of his cup. Dean walked away from me.

*****

“What’s the matter?” Zoë asked, her voice hoarse as we stood together in front of the wall-length mirror in the ladies bathroom. I stayed quiet for a moment while I focussed on not getting crimson eye shadow all over my face and noticed my tongue poking out of the corner of my mouth. To get to that mirror, Zoë had to elbow her way through the horde of girls and clutch onto my wrist and drag me through at the same time. She growled wordlessly – like an animal – whenever one of the girls dared call her on it.

“Nothing,” I said, clumsily dabbing the eye shadow onto my bottom lid. “I’m having a good time, but I think I’m a bit too drunk.”

“You’re making it dead obvious,” she laughed sarcastically. “You aren’t drunk enough, though; I’m treating you to some Jagerbombs to cheer you up!”

I shuddered. “I’m okay without the Jagerbombs.”

“Tough shit,” she said sweetly, turning to face me after she fluffed up a part of her hair. I knew that Zoë knew I wasn’t really enjoying myself – she was perceptive and I wasn’t that good at hiding my feelings, especially when I was drunk. She grabbed my hand and started skipping through the bathroom, making sure to step on as many feet as she possibly could while I tried to keep my chuckle silent. I swear, she came close to starting so many fights with girls a hell of a lot bigger than her. She’d almost gotten into a fist fight with a man an hour or so ago, but Frank was close by and threatened to put the guys nose through the back of his head.

Which was nice, I suppose.

We emerged back into the dense smoke of the Krazyhouse, and I tried not to choke on it again. The atmosphere was too thick for me, and the alcohol had really started to kick in. So I was going to drink more, which makes sense...it doesn’t.

“Two Jagerbombs! And keep them coming,” Zoë ordered, slapping a ten pound note down in front of a bartender with a tattooed scalp. He nodded his head and laughed at her, before turning around to pour out two cups half full of Red Bull, then two shots of Jägermeister. My stomach turned slightly when he put the drinks in front of us.

“So, do you feel like telling me what’s wrong?” she asked again, raising her eyebrows at me as she turned to drop the shots into the cups of Red Bull. I grimaced and shook my head.

“I just want to have fun, I swear,” I said. “Nothing’s wrong tonight.” Lie.

“Good!” she laughed, handing me a cup. “That’s the attitude I wanted.”

After that, she raised her hand and held up three fingers, putting one down each second until we drank together. It wasn’t nice; I’ll have to tell you that. Once I was finished, I put the cup back down on the bar and coughed, the bartender laughing at me. Zoë just wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and smiled at me when she was done. A second or two later, a very drunk Frank walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. I just excused myself quickly, thankful that I didn’t have to have another Jagerbomb.

I went back over to our booth and slid in beside James, who put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed it slightly, before slumping forward onto the table heavily. I laughed at him and shook my head. I tried to make my eyes focus when I looked around at the people sitting with us; Tom was there, and Chris. Dean, I think was there with somebody else I didn’t know. I avoided looking at him and focussed on the stranger.

She was blonde and thin, with her pale legs slung over Dean’s and his arm around her waist. For a moment, I froze because she looked a little bit like Zara at a glance. Upon closer inspection, she was nowhere near as dazzlingly gorgeous as Zara was. I felt strong compelled to remind him of her as this new blonde girl started dribbling at his neck and he smirked at the ceiling – but in doing that, I would be a hypocrite. I shook it off and pulled my phone out of my bag to check the time; 1:45AM

Johnny seemed to have disappeared, along with Asking Alexandria and Architects. Zoë was dancing with Frank – the music had improved in their opinions – and The Blackout were all stood at the bar, talking to a couple of the girls there. My head spun and I started feeling more and more miserable as the seconds ticked by. I kept thinking, and it wasn’t good, just like always.

“Does anybody want to start walking back to the hotel?” I asked, hopefully. I stood, trying to steady myself on the back of the booth and almost succeeding. Tom and Chris kept talking to one another, and I think James just grunted from where his head lay on the sticky surface of the table. Dean and his small blonde...thing, were too busy to hear me, I think.

I kind of just rolled my blurred eyes and walked away from the table, feeling somebody’s eyes burning into the back of my neck. I ignored it completely, since it probably wasn’t worth wasting breath on, and kept walking towards the exit of the Krazyhouse.

The air outside knocked me slightly, making my vision slightly worse and my footsteps uneven so I staggered. The bouncer that stood near the door, smoking a cigarette, steadied me by grabbing hold of my arm. He chuckled and smiled kindly before saying, “Careful lovey, don’t want to hurt yourself.”

“Thanks,” I responded, my voice almost lost from shouting over the music. I felt rude for not looking him in the face, but I was a bit too tired to care; I just wanted to get back to the hotel and go to bed and never think again. That last one was probably inevitable, though. I couldn’t escape it, even when my inhibitions were mostly gone.

I kept thinking; about Dean, his strange behaviour, his mood swings – basically, the norm for him. The signals were getting mixed and I wasn’t so sure where I stood with him anymore. I wanted to find out, because it would’ve probably made life easier – if he hated me that would be good and bad in equal ways. I knew that I’d always end up going exactly what he wanted, and knowing that didn’t make me feel the least bit sad or upset, just indifferent.

“Hey, beautiful,” a voice slurred from somewhere behind me on the street. I didn’t bother turning my head to see who it was, because the voice wasn’t familiar so they probably weren’t speaking to me. I picked up my pace, anyway, and reached the mouth of a side street, near the main road. I didn’t hear the slurring voice again, so I slowed. The second I did, a hand closed around my wrist.

I turned sharply, prepared to attack whoever grabbed me. “Jason? What are you doing?”

He let go of my wrist and staggered slightly, raising a cigarette to his lips and ignoring my question. “Where are you off to then? I’ll come with!”

“No,” I said, as politely as I could, shaking my head. “I’m going back to my hotel room, I’m so tired.”

“Come on, come and have some more drinks with me,” he said, smiling in what he must have thought was a reassuring way. “I saw your boyfriend with that girl all over him before I came outside.”

I felt my lips purse and sighed in irritation. “Don’t worry about it, I’m tired and I want to leave.”

“You could so easily get him back”-Jason held my wrist again, leading me into the side street on my right, backing me into a wall-“all you have to do is stay around me.”

The second his skin touched mine, I felt my defence mechanisms shoot back up and the panic rise a little more in my throat. I could feel his breath; hot and damp against my face. I whined and tried to ignore the too-strong smell of cigarettes and cheap beer, my hand instinctively tightening around my bag as I turned my head away from him. He caught onto my fear and scowled a bit, raising his hand to tilt my face back to his. Though he didn’t hurt me, he wasn’t being gentle either. I screamed anyway.

“Don’t be fucking stupid,” he snapped at me, clamping his hand over my mouth to stop me from screaming again. “Just come with me, or I’m coming back to your room with you.”

I shook my head helplessly and felt him step closer; his legs pressed against mine, his stomach against mine, his chest against mine. I tried to scream again, but I was still too scared to pull my face away from his hand and do it. He seemed really harmless at first, but since he had me backed against a wall down a side street where nobody could see or hear me, made him a lot more intimidating. I didn’t know him, or what he could’ve been capable of.

Just as I worked up another call for help, I felt his weight move off of me, his hand move from my lips. I focussed my eyes best I could and thought I saw him sprawled out on the floor under the wall directly opposite where I stood. A figure stood between me and him, their shoulders squared and their fists clenched tight at their sides. The light improved slightly and I recognised the red and black jumper, feeling my heart soar in relief – though I was still cowering into the bricks when Dean lifted Jason to his feet by the scruff of his jacket and threatened him in a low, menacing voice.

“You’re the scum that was cheating on her,” Jason grumbled through his clenched teeth while Dean was right in his face. I heard Dean bark a harsh laugh and watched as he slammed Jason back into the wall one more time before letting go of him. He said that if he didn’t leave right that second, he wouldn’t have teeth left in his head. We were left alone.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, moving to stand in front of me straight away. His hands cupped my cheeks slightly and I hadn’t realised that I’d been silently crying until his thumbs moved slowly to wipe them away. I just stared up at him, seeing double for a couple of minutes before the alcohol and my stupid emotions took over, and I flung myself into his chest, wrapping my arms tight around his waist like I was clinging for dear life and tried to hold back hysterical sobs.

Dean’s arms came protectively around me and I buried my face into his chest. He shushed me and told me that everything was going to be alright. Whether he meant literally everything, or just the situation with Jason; I believed him for both. I only loosened my arms from his waist once my tears had stopped making desperate bids for freedom; my body knew the danger was gone now.

He pulled away from me and put both of his hands on my shoulders, looking my face over and wiping away small areas of what I assumed to be smudged make-up. He cupped my cheeks again, staring into my eyes earnestly. He asked again, “Are you okay, Leila?”

I nodded my head, feebly fighting against my will to look back into his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“You scared the absolute shit out of me,” he grumbled. “I look up and you’re gone, Ryan’s telling me that you left to go back to the hotel on your own. How stupid do you want to get, Leila!”

I could hear the anger steadily rising in his tone, and though I did know better than to bait him, I did it anyway. “Why does it even fucking concern you anyway? Why does it matter to you what happens to me?!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” he growled, narrowing his eyes at me as he pulled his hands off of me like I’d burned him. “Of course I care about what happens to you!”

“Yeah!” I shouted. “But why?! You come back into my life after six years and decide you want to ruin everything for your own fun!”

I watched as Dean froze with his back to me. His shoulders heaved with the now heavy breaths he was taking to calm himself down. I was breathing similarly, and I realised just what I had said to him. I felt my own anger diminish when he turned to face me again, his eyes narrowed to nothing more but slits of fury. I felt my face falter, but I matched his glare with one of my own.

We stared, long and hard into each other’s eyes until something must’ve clicked. Something that both of us saw – whether it be subconsciously or otherwise. We reached for each other at exactly the same time, his hands like claws pressing into the flesh of my waist as my arms went tight around his neck like I was strangling him – trying to touch every inch.

His lips were working furiously against my own, passing on his sheer, untainted anger while I passed my own back. He pushed me roughly back against the brick wall while I yanked hard on his hair; bringing a low, guttural sound break from his throat as his body pressed against mine. We might’ve looked like we were fighting to anybody that had cared to look; but it was perfect to me.

But it ended as abruptly as it started when he jumped away from me, breaking all contact. I vaguely noticed that he was staring at me in shock and disbelief, while I tried to focus properly after having my eyes closed – and my head was still spinning, if I’m honest. I was terrified by the look on his face; the look that usually meant he was going to leave again. I felt my eyes fill with tears, prepared for when he did.

But he didn’t. He grabbed hold of my hand again and pulled me back to him, this time wrapping his arms loosely around my waist and pushing his lips to mine again. It was softer, but still full of the urgency from the previous kiss. I leaned into him, my hands on his chest, and felt my heart skip beats, speed up and slow down all at the same time. My head spun again from the intoxication; him, more than the alcohol.

He pulled back, his cool breath ghosting against my swollen lips. His hands caressed back around to my hips and his nose brushed against mine with every deep breath he took. His eyes were still closed. I felt his fingers curl around mine and he opened his eyes.

“Come on.”

*****

We were back to that furious kissing, the kind of kissing that left me wanting and made me melt into a pile of girlish mush on the floor. The taxi driver kept clearing his throat in a very pointed way, since I spent most of the ride back to the hotel settled in Dean’s lap while his hands roamed and our lips fought. Needless to say, the driver took the quickest route back to get away from our extreme PDA. Dean threw some notes at him and dragged me out of the taxi by my hand.

He collected the spare key to his room from the main desk – in case anybody came to check on him in the morning – and we raced through the lobby without actually breaking into a run like I wanted to. He tapped his foot impatiently while we waited for the lift; I laughed softly at him and squeezed his hand, trying to keep my balance best I could since I was still reasonably drunk.

When the lift arrived, Dean let go of my hand and pushed me through the sliding doors, pressing the button for his floor clumsily before he backed me into the wall. I remember hoping that nobody else got in with us, but I also remember not caring if they did. His hands were flat against the wall near my shoulders and he pressed his mouth to my neck, nipping it at gently.

When the lift dinged, I smiled at him and ducked under his arm, shooting ahead of him. I ran along the corridor and he chased behind me – kind of a bad idea since I didn’t know his room number. I heard an electronic beep and then felt him grab my wrist tightly, before pulling me through the door he had just opened with the key-card in his hand. He flung it onto a small table – missing it narrowly – and pulled me against him again as the door slammed shut behind us and locked automatically.

His lips found mine again, crushed against them with that furious edge again. His hands moved down from cupping my face to grasp desperately at my waist and my hips. He then wound his arms around my back and I placed my hands on his stomach underneath the jumper – I could just about feel the small, raised sections of skin where his tattoo was, and I was suddenly curious to see it.

Dean pulling at the ties in my corset soon took away my curiosity, though.

The corset came loose around my torso and I raised my hands up his body, taking the jumper up over his head. Once it had disappeared, his arms locked back around me and bound my body to his tightly. The angry kisses were starting to make me lightheaded from the lack of oxygen, and I tried to break off for a second to get my breath back. Dean wasn’t fazed; he went straight to my neck and bit at it sharply, making my skin sing beautifully.

“Dean,” I mumbled, my voice cracked. “Bedroom, now.”

He didn’t smirk, or smile against my skin like I thought he would’ve, his arms just loosened and he picked me up, easily taking my weight. I automatically locked my arms around his back, feeling the muscles and he put my legs around his waist – I could feel my skirt riding upwards as he walked towards where the bed must have been. His lips were back on mine; demanding and rough. I kept my eyes closed throughout the short walk, not opening them until I felt a dip, and then the softness of the mattress beneath my back.

I took a quick, blurred glance around the room and saw that it looked like a single one. There was only a king-sized bed in the centre of the room that the two of us occupied; a single dresser; one bedside table. It was also a lot smaller than mine, James and Lee’s room a floor down or up.

I shuddered when the warmth of Dean’s hand brushed against my leg, feeling the goose bumps raise more at the sound of a zip moving downwards. His hand kept moving up from my skirt, and he pulled the corset up over my head and threw it somewhere on the floor, the entire time keeping his lips firmly attached to my own.

We lost ourselves that night; in ecstasy, and each other. We were together again, in all our glory.