Right Now, I'm Anyone's

“Leila?” Somebody’s voice was waking me up. Again. “Leila, get up.”

I recognised the voice at least. I slowly cracked my eyes open, feeling a lot better than I had the day before and saw Georgia leaning over where I lay on my bed, her hair loose, dangling around her head. Her glasses were absent from her pretty face and she was smiling very slightly at me while I woke up properly, hoisting myself upright.

“Feel any better today?” she asked, perching herself on the edge of my bed. I nodded, and then noticed that Levi was asleep beside me in my bed. He must’ve stayed the night. I looked at him and chuckled because, somehow, he’d gotten his arm wrapped around his head. I looked back to Georgia.

“So,” she said. “There’s actually something you were supposed to tell me.”

I furrowed my brow. “Is there?”

She nodded her head. “Something I had to hear from Dimitri and something that you knew I probably wouldn’t have approved of.”

“What’re you talking about, Gee?”

She sighed and laughed softly. “He proposed to you?”

That part did make sense; she hardly approved of Levi as it was, for some reason unknown to both me and him. I bit my lip guiltily and nodded my head, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Gee, I forgot all about it with seeing Jake and Johnny again.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “I just thought you’d have told me by now.”

“Georgia, I was going to,” I said. “You’re my best friend; I just forgot about it. Honest.”

“Oh, I believe you,” she smirked. “But as payback you have to introduce me to that gorgeous friend you’ve got down at work.”

“Jake?”

She nodded her head and I laughed, shaking my own. I agreed that I’d introduce her to Jake next time we saw him, if she agreed to be nice to and about my boyfriend. She said she’d try if she had to, and that’s about the best I could ask for. I got out of bed and made my way into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.

Saturday; my day off. I couldn’t have been happier about it, even though I’d had the previous day off sick. I remembered Johnny’s offer to go for some drinks today and kept my phone with me at all times, just in case. I spent the entire morning, up until about half past eleven sitting around with Georgia, watching re-runs of Ready, Steady, Cook! and trying to make the best of it when my phone rang.

“So glad you called,” I laughed, seeing that the caller ID said it was Johnny.

“Oh well, what can I say?” he said. “Anyway, I was thinking you come down to Flux and meet up with us.”

“Why Flux?”

“We kind of live in a van out back, and none of us know our way around Leeds, Leila,” he laughed. “About an hour or so?”

“Sounds brilliant,” I said. I glanced sideways at Georgia, blowing bits of dust away from her face in an attempt to amuse herself. “Can I bring my friend?”

*****

“So, let me get this right. We’re going to work, on Saturday?” Georgia asked again, for the millionth time. I was digging around her in wardrobe for my mid-thigh, black pencil skirt while she followed me around the flat. I found her skinny-fitting floral vest top and threw it over my shoulder to her, telling her to wear that with her dark blue skinny jeans. Levi left us about an hour ago; he had to work Saturdays.

“No,” I laughed. “We’re going to meet Johnny, then going for some drinks.”

“But-”

“Do you want to be introduced to my ‘gorgeous friend’ or not?” I smiled, standing upright with my skirt in hand, smiling at her. She just raised her eyebrows and quickly agreed that she had nothing better to do.

I made my way back into my bedroom, leaving my skirt on the bed where I’d put my Led Zeppelin shirt and my floral net tights. I then went into the bathroom for a quick shower, washing my body and hair in literally record time, before rushing my way back into my bedroom.

I smiled to myself as Georgia walked into my bedroom to find some shoes. She seemed so excited now that I’d mentioned Jake. I turned on my hair dryer and went to work, making a quick job of it – it was so much easier to work it since I cut it – and let it set into its natural curls. I moved back from the mirror and shivered from the cold leaking through the single-glazed windows.

I pulled on my underwear as Georgia walked back out of my room and got dressed, before kneeling down in front of the wall mirror and fixing up my face; foundation, one thin sweep of black eyeliner over my top eyelid, pencil on the bottom, mascara and clear lip gloss.

She came back a couple of minutes later, as I was pulling my old black boots onto my feet, with her glasses on and her hair pulled into a loose ponytail. She had her pale blue American Apparel jacket on over the top I picked for her. I grabbed my bag, checking I had my necessities – phone, money, iPod – and made my way over to her.

“I look okay, right?” she asked, unzipping her hoody and holding it open. I smiled and nodded my head. Georgia was still taller than me, and my boots had a bit of a lift on them. She threw my old, woolly cardigan at me which she’d given to me last Christmas – she called it my granddad cardi – and we collected our appropriate winter attire before leaving the flat for the nearest bus stop.

We waited there for about ten minutes before one chugged its way awkwardly over the small hill and into our bus stop. We paid our fares and sat right at the back of the bus, keeping well away from a fat skater kid with greasy hair and the old age pensioners on their way out for the Saturday shop.

“Why did I agree to come with you again?” Georgia asked, fiddling with the end of her hoody.

“Because,” I laughed. “It’ll be loads more fun than sitting at home alone.”

I saw her nod her head and shrug slightly from the corner of my eye. I, however, got excited about being able to hang around with my old best friend and catch up with him. I knew Georgia would be happy about coming in the end; she wanted to meet Jake, after all, and what time is better than straight away?

Another twenty minutes on the bus and Georgia and I departed, making our way up the street and around the corner to the back of Flux. There were a couple more vans parked than there had been on Thursday, causing a little bubble of excitement to emerge in my stomach.

“Leila, over here!” a familiar voice called. I turned around and saw Jake standing outside his bands van, with Eden in his arms and a smile on his face. I signalled for Georgia to follow me, which she eventually did when she was finished staring at Jake.

“Hey, Jake,” I smiled and let him give me a one armed hug. “Hello, Edie.”

“Say hello, baby girl,” Jake laughed. Eden looked at me a while longer before she remembered me, after which she waved her chubby hand at me and smiled. I smiled back and touched her back lightly before turning back to Jake, who was looking over my shoulder.

“Who’s your friend?” he smiled, staring at Georgia. She smiled – albeit bashfully – trying her best not to have a fit about being introduced to him. I know Georgia seemed like this level-headed, sensible person, but when it came to someone she fancied, she was completely different.

“Jake, this is Georgia,” I said. “Georgia, meet Jake. And Eden, of course.”

He said a friendly hello to her and smiled again, hitching Eden back up onto his hip properly. Georgia returned his smile and mumbled her own hello, before she leaned to Edie’s level and said hello to her. Jake told me that Johnny would be out in a little bit; he was helping their bands vocalist set up some more equipment for their first show on Monday.

Georgia and Jake were talking, while I just leaned against the side of their van. Zara climbed out five minutes after we arrived and smiled sweetly at me before walking inside Flux. A couple of seconds later, I felt the warmth of two hands covering my eyes and I laughed.

It could only have been Maddox or Johnny, and since Maddox wasn’t working Saturday’s either, it definitely wasn’t him. I turned around and smiled at Johnny and he pulled me into a tight hug.

“Pub?” he suggested, pulling away from me. He looked from me, to Jake, to Georgia and then back to me again. I glanced at Jake and Georgia and they both nodded and smiled in approval.

*****

“How’s the music taste then?” Johnny laughed, taking a drink of his pint. “Still all over the place?”

“You noticed too?” Georgia intervened, shooting me a smirk.

“I have a lot of moods,” I said, rolling my eyes and shrugging my shoulders. I took a small sip of my vodka and coke and relaxed back into my chair a bit more. The only reason I drank it was because you couldn’t taste the vodka, and I didn’t like beer.

Jake laughed as he bounced Edie lightly on his left knee, making her squeal. He had to bring her with him because Zara had things to do and he didn’t really trust anybody else with her. He stuck with lemonade or Coke, much like Georgia, who never actually drank alcohol. She was sitting beside him on the right, I was next to her and Johnny was across from Jake. I smiled when Georgia and Jake huddled together in conversation again.

“Remember Anna?” Johnny asked me, smiling to himself.

“Wow. Yeah, I miss her,” I laughed. “How’s she been?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, haven’t talked in about a year. She went off to America after university.”

I gave him a small smile and patted his hand. I didn’t need to ask to know that he missed her as well, just because I could see it in the sweet sadness in his eyes and that little smile he always had on his face when he talked about her. He told me the last time he saw her she dyed her pink hair black and got some tattoos. I couldn’t picture it, at all.

“Oh, hang on one minute,” Johnny said, stopping our conversation and grabbing his phone out of his pocket. He slid the screen up and pressed his fingers to – what I assumed to be – a touch screen a couple of times. He smiled and slid the phone shut again; leaving it on top of the table we were seated around rather than push it back into his pocket.

“The rest of your knob head band are meeting us here,” he said to Jake, who laughed and nodded his head, only turning to look at Johnny very briefly before returning his attention back to Georgia. Johnny turned and smiled at me, taking another massive gulp of beer from the pint glass. He looked shifty, like he was trying to hide something.

“What’s up with you?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You keep smiling at me like you know something.”

He shrugged and smiled again. “Maybe I do.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved him lightly. I looked back over to my best friend and saw her playing happily with Edie. Jake had disappeared off to the bathroom and Edie was now gurgling and spluttering with giggles as Georgia made stupid faces and tickled her stomach. I watched them together and smiled.

“Johnny!” someone shouted from behind us. I turned and saw a tall guy, with brown hair set into ragged dreadlocks reaching just below his chest, wearing a scruffy pair of jeans and a Shadows Fall shirt which definitely was not coincidental in the slightest. He walked over to us, followed by another, much younger looking boy with blonde hair and pale skin, wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a black jacket and a white shirt.

“Alright Max, Craig,” Johnny said, standing up. He still hadn’t grown out of the whole man-hug thing. “This is Leila, and her friend Georgia.”

“Nice to meet you ladies,” Max said, bowing dramatically. Craig just gave Georgia and I a couple of awkward smiles and muttered a question about Jake’s whereabouts.

“Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber have gone to get some drinks in,” Max said, relaxing back into one of the rickety spare chairs at our table while Craig sat upright, his left ankle crossed over his right knee. Edie was cuddling into Georgia’s chest, her eyes closing very slightly, despite the fact that it was only around half past two in the afternoon.

Jake returned to the table shortly after and said hello to his band mates. He sat back down next to Georgia as she was rocking slowly back and forth with an almost sleeping Edie in her arms. I smiled and Johnny leaned closer into my side.

“This is your doing,” he said.

I raised my eyebrows and gave him an innocent look. “I did nothing.”

Johnny rolled his eyes at me as Jake asked if Georgia was okay with Edie falling asleep on her. “She just kind of falls asleep sometimes, sorry.”

“Its fine,” Georgia smiled. “She’s lovely.”

And they went on with their own private conversation while I watched over the rim of my glass. Johnny was deep in conversation with Max about their upcoming show; he sounded excited about it and I gathered from the conversation that Max was one of the guitarists. I remember Jake telling me he was the drummer, so Craig could only be a bassist, a vocalist or another guitarist. Unless they’re the kind of band that swing towards the use of cellos or something...

“I see you ugly fucks got some ladies to chill with,” a thick, cockney-accented voice spoke from somewhere behind Max. The person the voice belonged to was tall and skinny, a bit like Jack Skellington, with tanned skin and straight almost black hair which was styled kind of awkwardly. He put down the three pints he’d been holding in both of his hands and held his hand out towards me.

“This is Daniel,” Johnny said, looking behind him awkwardly. I smiled and shook his hand, introducing myself to him before Georgia did the same thing. Afterwards, she went back to speaking with Jake while his daughter slept soundly in her arms.

“Dean’s coming over now,” Daniel said across the table to Johnny. “Prick wouldn’t help me with the fucking drinks; flirting with a fit barmaid!”

I stopped at the mention of a name. He said Dean, didn’t he? As in, Johnny’s arsehole older brother, Dean? I looked at Johnny and his face was reddened slightly and he nodded his head very quickly to Daniel. Jake was glancing at Johnny slightly before he shot me a small smile. I was terrified, just in case I was right.

“Fuck yes!” Oh no.

Johnny grabbed my head underneath the table as another person approached our crowded table; probably to stop me from running away or something, which is what I fully intended on doing right then, because that was definitely his voice. It hadn’t changed, not in six years.

I felt my face heat up when I saw him. He was the man Zara came out of the van with. He’d changed, a lot. His hair was shorter than I remembered, but still sleek and jet black. His skin was still the pale toffee colour I remembered and his bright blue eyes still had that spark in them. He was smirking; presumably at the prospect of telling his mates about his latest catch. All I could do was sit and stare.

Dean hadn’t noticed me there, practically frozen in my seat from the sight of him. When he eventually looked around the table properly, about to sit in the empty seat beside Craig – directly opposite me – he stopped and the smirk on his face froze when he caught my eye. We stayed there; staring at each other for a long, long time, like neither of us could comprehend it.

Nobody at all spoke, not even Georgia and Jake. I could feel Georgia’s, Jake’s and Johnny’s eyes all on me, but I couldn’t tear my own away from him. He was still staring at me, like I was a ghost.

Eventually, the tension got too much for me and I stood up, leaving them all sitting there and trying my hardest not to start crying.

*****

I didn’t even bother waiting for a bus. I walked all the way home, trying not to cry, or even sniffle. I hammered on the front door of our flat and Dimitri opened it about five minutes later. I just walked straight into him and hugged him tight, still fighting a losing battle against my tears.

If I’d have known Dean was going to be there, I don’t doubt that I could’ve controlled myself a little better than I did. Dimitri gave me one of his shirts and my sweatpants to change into and told me he’d be waiting in the living room if I wanted to talk to him. Five minutes later, I’d cleaned off my make-up, pulled my hair back into a ponytail and changed. I ignored the fact that Dean’s yellow hoody was folded at the end of my bed.

Dimitri was sitting cross-legged on the sofa in his white vest and a pair of his boxers, a cup of tea in his hands and one waiting on the coffee table for me. Surprisingly enough, I still hadn’t shed a tear yet. Dimitri patted the spot next to him and I obeyed, staring blankly at the television screen.

“Going to tell me what’s happened?” he pushed.

“It’s such a long, old story,” I sighed.

“How old?”

“Six years.”

“And you never told me or Gee?”

“It was never relevant,” I shrugged my shoulders. Dimitri sighed and rolled his eyes, scooting himself closer to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I rested my head gently against his chest and breathed deeply for a couple of minutes, before I launched into the story.

I was still awake. After spilling my guts to Dimitri, watching some of his sexy French films with him while shovelling food into our mouths like it was going out of fashion, showering and crawling back into bed, I was still awake. I’d been lying in bed for what felt like days, when it had only been hours.

Georgia came back home about an hour after I’d gone to bed, and I heard Dimitri say that I was already asleep, gladly, because I didn’t want to have to explain all of that twice in one day, especially the one day that he comes back into my life. I lay awake for about five hours, tossing, turning, thinking and even shedding a couple of tears now and then.

It was around half past three in the morning when my bedroom door cracked open. I’d collected Dean’s old hoody from the foot of my bed and put it on over my pyjama’s – for reasons I can’t explain to myself even now. It was Georgia at the door. She came into my room, pulled back the covers on my bed and climbed in beside me.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered soothingly into my ear. “You don’t have to do any explaining to me.”

Then she wrapped her arms around my body and cradled me against her. I relived everything that happened six years ago in the space of an hour and a half, and, by the end of it, I was more tired than I could ever remember being in my entire life. Finally, I could sleep.