Walking With a Ghost (Angst)
Walking With a Ghost
The evening was dazzling…
Kind of like his face, reminding me that I wasn’t alone.
The evening air was soothing…
Like his voice, giving me a strong sense of security
The sight was amazing…
Kind of like he was…before he died…
It was because of murder. A murder I committed. A murder I myself forced upon him. A murder I will never forget.
I stared at him blankly. There he was, crucified to the wall, his head hanging in shame. His rotting face and bleeding eyes showed traces on how he begged for mercy. The crimson blood cascading from the multiple wounds on his once breathing flesh tainted the pure white walls of my basement- adding art to his very sin, dripping slowly.
It was so maddening…
What he did to me.
Unimaginable…
Unacceptable…
Unforgivable…
His face haunted me. He haunted me… making fun of my weakness and all. I couldn’t let it go, even when I found out what he did; and for that I was lashed. I put on a mask. I made everyone think I had no idea. That I never knew of this. Everything looked fine—I still held his hand as we walk together—but the feeling was much more petrifying. It was corroded, disgusting, and it was attaching itself to my very soul. It was a disease eating its way through my sanity.
I didn’t have a choice.
Rather, I didn’t think I had a choice.
I hated to visualize how they will see me.
I will look like the ogre.
And him the prey.
But only I knew the truth.
He was the ogre.
And I’m the prey.
Every time he said I love you to me, I grew madder. Every time I said it back, I hated myself. Why? Because it was all a lie, a beautiful, deceitful lie. And it was the entire moron’s fault. If he would have just kept his fucking pants on, this wouldn’t have happened.
Cause I had no choice.
Rather, I didn’t think I had a choice.
It was either me or him!
He dishonoured me.
He broke one rule.
He destroyed my sanity.
It was so beautiful, how he didn’t see it coming. I walked over to him inside the basement…so innocently…as if there wasn’t a knife in my hidden hands. I waited until he was vulnerable to my attack, holding me tightly in his arms. That’s when everything turned around. I pulled out the knife, backing away a few steps. Oh, he looked so confused—as if he didn’t know all the bullshit he has put me through. Fuck, thinking about it made me want to kill him more…
So I stabbed him! In the heart! And twisted the knife until I thought I hear it burst. Then to the lungs; punishing him for taking my breath away. Blood came out of his mouth, staining his face with the warm, crimson liquid. I moved to the abdomen where I did the most damage. With all my rage, I ripped out all his organs and played with them. I got his blood all over me. And I couldn’t be any happier.
Then I crucified him to the wall with all my might and watched the remaining liquid drip to the floor.
My eyes burned with happiness.
For the first time, I was happy to see him.
…
…
It was just too bad…
It was just so sad…
I wish I would’ve known this before all this shit happened.
He –never- lied to me.
It was all in my head.
Kind of like his face, reminding me that I wasn’t alone.
The evening air was soothing…
Like his voice, giving me a strong sense of security
The sight was amazing…
Kind of like he was…before he died…
It was because of murder. A murder I committed. A murder I myself forced upon him. A murder I will never forget.
I stared at him blankly. There he was, crucified to the wall, his head hanging in shame. His rotting face and bleeding eyes showed traces on how he begged for mercy. The crimson blood cascading from the multiple wounds on his once breathing flesh tainted the pure white walls of my basement- adding art to his very sin, dripping slowly.
It was so maddening…
What he did to me.
Unimaginable…
Unacceptable…
Unforgivable…
His face haunted me. He haunted me… making fun of my weakness and all. I couldn’t let it go, even when I found out what he did; and for that I was lashed. I put on a mask. I made everyone think I had no idea. That I never knew of this. Everything looked fine—I still held his hand as we walk together—but the feeling was much more petrifying. It was corroded, disgusting, and it was attaching itself to my very soul. It was a disease eating its way through my sanity.
I didn’t have a choice.
Rather, I didn’t think I had a choice.
I hated to visualize how they will see me.
I will look like the ogre.
And him the prey.
But only I knew the truth.
He was the ogre.
And I’m the prey.
Every time he said I love you to me, I grew madder. Every time I said it back, I hated myself. Why? Because it was all a lie, a beautiful, deceitful lie. And it was the entire moron’s fault. If he would have just kept his fucking pants on, this wouldn’t have happened.
Cause I had no choice.
Rather, I didn’t think I had a choice.
It was either me or him!
He dishonoured me.
He broke one rule.
He destroyed my sanity.
It was so beautiful, how he didn’t see it coming. I walked over to him inside the basement…so innocently…as if there wasn’t a knife in my hidden hands. I waited until he was vulnerable to my attack, holding me tightly in his arms. That’s when everything turned around. I pulled out the knife, backing away a few steps. Oh, he looked so confused—as if he didn’t know all the bullshit he has put me through. Fuck, thinking about it made me want to kill him more…
So I stabbed him! In the heart! And twisted the knife until I thought I hear it burst. Then to the lungs; punishing him for taking my breath away. Blood came out of his mouth, staining his face with the warm, crimson liquid. I moved to the abdomen where I did the most damage. With all my rage, I ripped out all his organs and played with them. I got his blood all over me. And I couldn’t be any happier.
Then I crucified him to the wall with all my might and watched the remaining liquid drip to the floor.
My eyes burned with happiness.
For the first time, I was happy to see him.
…
…
It was just too bad…
It was just so sad…
I wish I would’ve known this before all this shit happened.
He –never- lied to me.
It was all in my head.