'Cause We All Just Wanna Be Big Rock Stars

“Erica! A voice boomed down the hallway of the apartments, probably waking up all the other inhabitants. “Erica! Get Back Here!”

“Get away from me!” A girl cried, continuing to run into her room, slamming the door and locking it. She knew it wouldn’t do much good since he had a key, but she insisted on it anyways.

“Erica!” He banged on their apartment door. He sounded angry, but only because Erica wouldn’t listen to him. He only wanted to talk, but the fume that coated his voice scared her.

“Fuck you, Brendon!” She yelled, the tears finally escaping.

“Just let me in!” His yelled, muffled by the door barrier. “W-W-We’ll talk. Let’s just talk about this.”

“Go away,” she sobbed. She heard footsteps pad away from the door, and she knew she didn’t have much time before Brendon came back with the key and get in.

Erica dried the tears from eyes quickly and walked swiftly into her room to dig out her bag and once she found it, put the large duffel bag down on the bed and went over to her dresser. She looked in the mirror to fix her appearance. She wiped the little run of mascara under her blue-green eyes and wiped her tear stains from her round cheeks. Then combed her fingers through the messy medium brown hair, which, when not ruffled from running, sat on her shoulders and framed her slightly tanned face.

She was about to bend down and open her dresser drawer, but she started to shake. Erica couldn’t keep her hands steady enough to even grab a pair of socks. She was so scared and hurt and confused and blind and weak and sad and mad that she couldn’t even keep her mind on the task at hand. It kept wandering back to Brendon.

After drinking a glass of water from the kitchen, she set the glass down and put leaned her hands on either side of the sink and hung her head. She took a deep breath to sooth herself and let it out and it came out shaky and rough. Brendon pushed open the door.

“Erica?” He looked around, finally spotting her slim figure against the countertop. “Erica, baby, please. Listen to me. I’m--”

She lifter her head and glared. “Stupid? A liar? Fake? Mean? Heartless?! Cruel?! A fucking cheater!!!” She pushed herself away from the kitchen and walked quickly back into their bedroom. Brendon followed quickly on her heels. “Just leave me be, Brendon.”

She wasn’t weak anymore. Now she was seething. She went over to the dresser and pulled out a couple pairs of jeans and then walked over to the duffel bag and shoved them in. She went back to the dresser and rummaged to find several shirts. Once she found them she put them in too. Every move she made, Brendon followed her, pleading and begging.

Erica started fumbling through her underwear drawer. “Erica, please. Don’t do this.”

“Do what.” She spat.

“Leave! Don’t leave. Why are you leaving?!” His brown eyes pleaded silently with hers, searching her face for an answer for him.

“Why am I leaving?! Brendon! You’re a cheater! A liar! A dumb ass! I can’t be here anymore!!” She made the trip back to her suitcase and put her underwear and socks in, but instead of going back the dresser, she went to the closet. Brendon followed.

“But Erica, I love you!” he yanked her arm, stopping her and spinning her around to face him. “And you love me! You can’t just leave!”

She studied his face. She took in her warm brown eyes, which looked heartbroken at the moment. He slight five o’clock shadow forming around his chin, matching his soft brown hair.

“You love me. You love me?!” she screamed. “That’s how you show it then? By fucking your circus dancers?!!” He paused and Erica took the opportunity to jerk her arm back and continue into the closet. Brendon hesitated for just a moment, but then was right on her heels again, pleading.

“No! That-that wasn’t-wasn’t. T-t-that, w-we, no. Air, she came on t-to me! I-I--”

“Oh right!” she said sarcastically with disgust in her voice as she searched through her hangers for things. “She came on to you! Of course, Brendon. That makes so much more sense now. You’re just such a PUSSY that you couldn’t say no! So you fucked her for a freaking month!!!!” She turned around and shoved past him and flung a few more clothes in her bag. “What was it, Brendon? Was it her unbelievable sluttiness that turned you on? Or the fact that she would grant you the gift of ten STD’s?! Honestly!”

She tore out the room and towards the bathroom, with Brendon right behind her. “Now you’re just being unreasonable!”

“I’m being unreasonable?!!!” Their voices were roaring past acceptable levels but they were so caught up in their anger they didn’t care. She shuffled around in the bathroom, putting contacts, toothpaste and accessories into a bag then traveled to pack them.

“Erica. We go together. We were meant to be!”

“You know, Brendon,” Erica started as she went back to the bathroom to gather more toiletries, “It’s paradoxical that you said that. Ya know, since you were the one who cheated!”

Brendon started getting irritated that everything he said was shot down. He wanted Erica to understand. He didn’t know what, but that dancer didn’t mean anything to him. Why had he done it? He felt like so horrible. All he wanted to do was hold Erica in his arms and have things go back to how they were before.

Brendon leaned against the doorframe as she packed up her makeup. “Well…if it helps. She sucked…” he mumbled.

“Sucked your dick,” she mumbled in the same tone under her breath, then stood up straight, pushing past Brendon to go back to their room.

“Erica. Please stop acting like this,” he prayed and exhaled, sitting down on the bed.

“Oh, I think I have the right to “act like this,” Brendon.” She picked up a couple pairs of shoes and threw them in the bag as well. “Tell me.” She stood up and put her hands on her waist. “What is it about me that make people think they can trample me? Do I act vulnerable?! Or am I just stupid.”

“Air, plea--”

“Stop calling me that.” She ran her fingers though her hair. “You know I hate cheaters, Brendon. Hell, you met me crying over my cheating ex. What made you think that this was O.K.?! I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t have big boobs and I’m sorry I wasn’t blessed with hips or curves. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She made her way to the bedroom door. “I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you.”

She went to the kitchen and grabbed things she might need and left Brendon dumbfounded on the bed. That wasn’t why. He wanted to tell her that. He wanted to tell her that he liked the size of her chest; it was proportionate to her body. He wanted to tell the he loved her little butt and her hips because they fit perfectly in his lap when they were together. He wanted to tell her that she is good enough for him. She was everything. Brendon wouldn’t trade her, or any part of her, for something else.

“Hey, Clara?” he heard her sweet voice float through their apartment. “Yeah. Mmhmm. You home? Do you mind if I stay at your place tonight? No, not really. Yeah. O.K. Love you too, bye.”

Brendon closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He wished he could hear her say those three words to him again. He was loosing her, he had to do something.

She came marching in the room with her shoes and jacket on. She zipped up the duffel, located her purse and backpack and left.

Brendon stood up and raced to the kitchen but he was too late. She was gone. He smirked inside, knowing she wouldn’t get far. He ran his hands through his hair and let out a big breath trying to get rid of the stress that was accumulating in his body.

Seconds later she swung the door open, her beautiful face was scrunched in an unpleasant look. “Brendon Urie. Give me my keys.”

“No.”

“Give them to me.”

“Come and get them.”

She rolled her eyes and went to the counter where there were spare keys, but they were all missing. Her teeth gritted.

“I love you, Air. I’ll go anywhere for you, I’ll fight anyone for you, I do anything for you, I’ll buy everything for you, I’ll spend as much as you want, I’ll hold you as long as you want. I kiss you as hard as you want. I’ll do anything to make you happy. Because I love you so damn much. If you run, I’ll chase. You jump, I jump. Remember?” He quoted Jack Dawson because that’s what their relationship was; two people, not meant to fall in love.

Erica was loosing herself in his deep brown eyes and his plump lips and the cherry sweetness of his voice and the way his hands moved. She could almost feel them around her, holding her tight and never letting go. But he did let go, and that’s why she had to leave. “Give me my keys.”

“Air, I’ll follow you off of a cliff, off the ends of the Earth, off the edges of the universe. I can’t live without you.”

Erica was tired of arguing with him. The fact that they were both extremely stubborn was making it hard for them to come to any sort of harmony. Erica set down her purse and charged at him, jumping on his back. She clenched her legs to Brendon’s sides to keep her up as she flailed her arms trying to extract her keys from his grasp.

On the other hand, Brendon was enjoying it. As long as he could feel Erica’s body pressed against his, he was happy. He backed up slowly until he felt the back of his calves touch the edge of the couch, and once they did he leaned back so Erica would fall off his back and onto the couch.

She quickly got up and was about ready to run at him again, but he stopped her. Brendon held tight onto her shoulders, forcing her to look up into his eyes. He stared down longingly into her eyes, getting lost in the green specks surrounded by a sea of blue. Erica did the same, taking in the dark, warm chocolate eyes, but instead of admiration, she was full of hate. She loathed his perfect face and her callused fingers gripping her arms. She opposed his distinct smell of pink starbursts and the fact that she loved him so much.

“Erica.” Brendon moved his face inches from hers, their noses were almost touching. “Don’t do this. Stay. It’s late. I-I-I’ll sleep on the couch and we will talk i-in the morning.”

She smirked and Brendon smiled, thinking that she was giving in, “Oh don’t do that, Brendon, you wouldn’t want to hurt your little back.” She flicked his nose cutely, almost convincing herself. But she quickly snapped back to reality and her seducing voice turned into detestation, “You need it to go be a big shot fucking rock star.” Promptly she brought her knee up and he barreled back, giving her the opportunity to snatch the keys.

“Erica,” Brendon moaned from the floor, watching as she walked out the door. He stumbled to his feet, in pain, but he knew his heart would hurt worse if he let her go, so he followed in pursuit; slipped on his jacket and found a random pair of shoes and flew down the apartment hallway.

Brendon caught up with her before she reached the exit of the apartment. Her eyes were determined and set on the car that waited outside. She heard her boyfriend’s gritty footsteps coming up behind her and she was prepared to slap him away, push ard scream for help if he tried to stop her.

Brendon ran past her and stopped in front of the door. He tried to cover it with any part of his body he could so she wouldn’t escape.

“Erica.”

“Brendon.”

“Stop.”

“Move.”

“Make me.”

“Move.”

“I said, make me.”

Erica felt like crying. She just wanted to leave. She wanted to curl up in a bed and think and probably cry herself to sleep. She wanted to figure her life out. Too much was running through her head. She had given so much up for Brendon. She changed jobs, now she was wondering if she moved back to Vegas if her spot would still be available. She left her house, would she be able to get another one? What about her friends? They hated her for moving to California with her boyfriend. They thought he would break her, they thought she would get hurt, they thought it wouldn’t work out, they were right.

But then there was Brendon, whom she loved for so long. Yes, she was fuming and confused right now but when she looked up his pained face, she couldn’t help but let her coldness waiver.

She couldn’t just leave him, could she? But she couldn’t just forgive him, he had hurt her. So bad.

She exhaled tiredly. “Just move, Brendon.”

“I said, make me, Erica.”

Erica gritted her teeth together. If that’s what he wanted, that’s what he’d get. She dropped her bags dramatically and put an almost evil grin on her face, full of purpose. She rolled up her sleeves and charged towards Brendon. She slapped his face, kicked his legs and tried to get at anything, but all Brendon did was chuckle.

He grabbed her wrists and stared at her. Her tiny figure stood looking down, so confused, annoyed and angry. He continued looking down at the girl, who refused to look up.

Erica started feeling Brendon’s breath on the top of her head. It was so warm, but when it hit her skin it cooled her. She slowly tilted her head up and her green and blue swirled eyes met Brendon’s deep, melting brown ones.

They didn’t know how, but somehow their lips were connected. All of the confusion and anger was still present, but they couldn’t stop their selves.

Each of them fought for dominance. Brendon stuck his tongue in her mouth and angrily ventured around. Erica pressed Brendon’s body fiercely against the wall and kissed harder, trying to beat him out.

As their lips battled, their arms joined as well. Erica’s hands flew up the bottom of Brendon’s shirt and out through the arm holes of his t-shirt. She gripped his muscled tight, her finger nails digging into his toned skin. One of Brendon’s hands tangled in her hair and tugging on it and the other hand wrapped around her waist and he squeezed her middle, afraid of letting go of her.

She moved her hands down his body and then ran them down the front of his jeans and the inside of his legs, so Brendon fought back. He shifted his position so he could grab the back of her legs right under her butt, then brought them up and felt around, he felt her bite down on his tongue so in compromise he lifted her by the bottom and she wrapped her legs around his middle.

They were both panting and they didn’t realize but they were walking back in the apartment. They stumbled up the stairs, so distracted by each other. Neither of them knew who led them back to the apartment, but they were so caught up in their fury, or lust, whatever it should be called, that they didn’t reject.

Erica threw off Brendon’s coat. She was going to show him she was better than any of his dancer barbies. She wanted the reassurance that Brendon still long for for her.

Brendon started unbuttoning Erica’s jeans. He wanted her back. She wasn’t going to leave him, and he was going to show her how much they needed each other.

They stumbled through the apartment; the lights were not bothered to be turn on. Brendon fingered her bra then finally unhooked it after he couldn’t tease any longer.

Erica didn’t know how, but Brendon had gotten her down into nothing but her underwear.

Brendon had his jeans around his ankles in his boxers and his t-shirt still on. Erica couldn’t bear to break her lips apart from his, so Brendon did it for her.

Erica’s lips felt so bare once his lips detached from hers. She started wondering how she could live without this. Brendon tripped and ran into the back of the couch, but it didn’t bother Erica. She used the back of the couch as a step stool and climbed on it to sit on Brendon’s waist. She wrapped her legs around him again and their lips once again continued their war.

Erica swiveled her hips into Brendon’s hips and he let out a noise. She did it again and he moaned even harder. She became proud that she could still get Brendon to groan for her and she let out a little smirk against their lips.

Brendon took it as a game. He backed up from the couch and started walking again with Erica. He ran his arms up her smooth long legs, slowly. He could feel her body twitch, trying to hold back the pleasure. When he got to her underwear, he didn’t take them off, but he slipped his hands under the sides of the elastic and let them stay there, making Erica light headed.

They both knew each other’s weaknesses, which made it hard for one person to win the fight. They both realized that, so Brendon carried Erica to his bed.

As their flesh rubbed against each other and sweat was exchanged, both of them wondered what they were doing. They rolled around shamelessly. Erica knew she was mad at Brendon and Brendon knew Erica didn’t forgive easily. But they both agreed that it felt so, so, so good.

The two “fought” like the night would never end, but soon they fell asleep. When Brendon woke up, he thought it was like any other day. He rubbed his eyes and sat up.

Suddenly, Brendon remembered yesterday. He dashed out of bed when he didn’t see Erica lying beside him. He zipped out to the kitchen, hoping to find her standing at the kitchen making breakfast, or sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee reading the paper, or sitting at the window watching the sun rise in his boxers.

But when he got out there, there was emptiness. The flat wasn’t filled with a smell of his beautiful girl and the blinds weren’t open to let the warm sun warm up the kitchen. It was unusually hollow.

Brendon’s body hurt. He ran towards the door. Maybe she just went to go get something from the store. She’d be back. She’d be back. She didn’t leave. She loved him too much to leave. She wouldn’t do that to him. She’d be back.

Brendon made it to the exit door where she had dropped her bags. They were gone.

He sprinted back up to the room. Back in their apartment, their clothes were picked up from the ground from last night. Brendon’s coat was hanging on the coat rack, his shoes were lined up by his other pairs on the wall and his clothes were no where in site. But either were Erica’s.

He ran to the fridge and opened it. If Erica was gone, there was one thing that would be missing. His pleading eyes ran over the shelves and landed on the top and all the way to the right inside corner.

His stomach dropped to the floor and his heart hurt his chest every time it beat. Her coffee cream was gone.

How could she do that?! The nerve! They loved each other! Why would she leave??

Brendon screamed. He trashed through his apartment and screamed. Why did he cheat?! He loved her! Why would he betray her?! He would give anything to have her back. Anything.

He lay down in his bed and felt like crying. He burrowed his head in his pillow for a while, then turn to the left side of the bed where Erica’s body was supposed to be sleeping peacefully. Instead, there was a pile of neatly folded clothes.

Brendon sat up and crawled over to her side of the bed and sat on his knees in front of his jeans, t-shirt and jacket that he was wearing last night. On top there was a note.

Bren,

I thought if I could show you that I was better than that slut I could win your heart back. It’s obvious I can never be good enough for you. I’m so proud of you, you have accomplished everything you ever wanted.

Unfortunately I just don’t fit into that. I know I love you. I love you so much but you broke my heart into pieces. Seeing you kissing her, seeing you making love to her, it just doesn’t add up.

I won’t forget your gentle touch and the way you always trace the freckle on my elbow at night. I’ll always remember the way you make macaroni for me Sunday afternoons and when I’d stand in the doorway of the bathroom and watch you shave early Saturday mornings.

You gave me so many new experiences. I bought my first place and I paid my first bills with you by my side. I sold my car and watched my parents pass away while I was in your arms. Your arms loved me so much and I knew that I had this amazing man in my grasp. A man that was too good for me. You are too good for me, Bren and I think it would be best to let the chips fall where they may.

I know I don’t have the best self-esteem, and you’ve told me that, but I really think that you deserve better than me and it’s obvious you do too.

Don’t call me. Don’t ask my friends where I am. Don’t try and find me.

Good luck in the future; make your name even bigger and reach out even further to try and catch your dreams.

Fuck you, and goodbye, you cheating bastard.

Air.