Forbidden Sins

Once the changes had started, she had barely left his side for an instant. She was swamped with guilt, remorse-- not regret, though. She wished she could have given him the choice to become vampire, but she wouldn't risk his life. Perhaps he could have made a full recovery. Perhaps not. She refused to let his life balance on maybes. He meant far too much to her for things like that. She still felt guilt. He hadn't had a choice. She knew she had been upset when she had been made vampire without even a choice, so why wouldn't he? that was something that they would need to deal with when he awoke.

She only emerged from the tent once, for a moment or two to talk with Duncan. He seemed to think that other than that wayward vampire, they were safe to wait out Lauren's transformation. After that they would need to be gone. He didn't want to hang around when the other vampire spread word of their where abouts-- it wasn't safe. They needed to move on as quickly as possible. She didn't know where they were going, but Audra was sure that Duncan would figure something out-- he was good at that kind of thing. If there was a man that she trusted to handle things and keep them safe, it would absolutely be him. He didn't let emotions get involved, he just did what was best and that was what they needed from him.

Audra could feel him stirring in the tent, starting to wake up from the tent, and a new wave of remorse flooded over her as she pardoned herself from the conversation, quietly undoing the flap to the tent. Sure enough, Lauren was sitting up, looking a little dazed and confused and....well, unhappy. Maybe a little bit of her had been hoping he would be pleased. That he would be happy to just have her, and have faith that she would teach him and keep him safe. She knew it was illogical, but still, it was something she had hoped.

He held his arms out to her, saying he needed her and she scurried to him right away, stroking his hair comfortingly as she wrapped around him. She had never felt so bad for anything her entire life. Her eyes were already beginning to sting and flood with tears, much to her embarrassment. She held him close to her body, stroking his hair and sliding her other hand over his back. "I'm so, so sorry Lauren." Her voice broke and she had to take a deep, hitching breath before she could continue. "I didn't want to have to change you like this. You were banged up bad-- you might have made it, and you might not have. I just... I wanted you to be okay. I didn't want to leave your life hanging to chance."

She was crying in earnest now, rocking him back and forth while her fingers twined through his hair. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. I know this isn't what you wanted."

He hadn't said so in so many words, but she knew that he had wanted a normal life; every human does. They all want their little jobs, their two point five kids and a dog. That had been taken away from him. It had been taken away from him when he and Infinity were brought into the slave trade, but she still felt an immense sense of guilt. He would never be totally normal again, and it was one hundred percent completely her fault.

There was no reversing it. Nothing she did could ever take it back. So, she would have to live with her choice. Her cheeks stained with tears and a heavy blush, she swiped at her eyes and pulled back to look at him. "I'm sorry." She repeated, pushing a strand of hair from his eyes. "I'll teach you, okay? It's all gonna be okay."

Oh how she wished everything could have a storybook ending, with weddings and flowers and happiness. If she had to run away forever to make that happen for him, she would do it.