Alice
Alice.
Her teeth sunk in her lower lip, the candy pink lipgloss staining the white for a second. Then she licked it off nervously, biting on the soft flesh again, and again, until there was no lipgloss left. Her hand automatically searched for the tube to apply another layer, as always when she was nervous and scared.
It went exactly the way she thought it would, she feared it would. She knew they would not understand. Not because they would be so old fashioned, hell no, it's just... it's just that getting a tattoo done, this big tattoo even, it's something her parents weren't able to understand.
She shifted on the chair, another sign of the gut-wrenching feeling that was spreading from her stomach to the rest of her body, and finally found the lip gloss in her hoodie. Squeezing the tube, she spread a drop of the thick liquid on her lips again.
“Would you stop with that now?”
“'M sorry,” she muttered under her breath, slipping the tube back in the pocket. Her back was itching even though the tattoo, the one that started this whole argument, was long healed. She was actually surprised she managed to hide it for such a long time.
Her parents sighed lowly, glancing at each other as if they didn't believe her a single letter of the apology, but then again, she wasn't really sorry. Not for getting the tattoo, at least.
“You will regret getting that thing,” her mother spoke up, and she just swallowed a sigh. They had gone through this for so many times already, and no matter what she said, no matter how many times she repeated she would never regret that tattoo because she thought about it for a long time, her parents never seemed to understand.
She bit her lip again. A part of her knew that sooner or later she should tell them why she got the tattoo, and they would understand then. She hoped they would understand. If not, if they laughed and called her stupid for bringing the past back, that would be so much worse than this, than them thinking she was carelessly rebelling against everything just because she was barely nineteen. Still a kid in their eyes.
“I won't, mum, I have told you that I have thought about it a lot,” she said softly, her voice sounding tired. She was tired of this anyway.
“You won't, you won't,” her father repeated mockingly. It hurt even though she knew that in reality, they weren't trying to hurt her, they were just worried, unable to express it in any different way. But the knowledge didn't make it better. “Maybe not now, but in forty years? When you are old and wrinkly? How it will look then?”
Another swallowed sigh. “It's on my back, dad. I won't see it anyway,” she said, trying hard to not sound like she was snapping at them.
Her mother shook her head. “I just don't understand why did you get it done...” she said quietly, seemingly running out of all arguments. They always ended up here, and she would say she had her reasons and go to her room.
“It's for Alice,” she heard herself saying and then her eyes widened. She didn't intend to say that. It was supposed to stay her secret... her parents weren't supposed to know. No one was supposed to know, she didn't even tell her friends.
“Alice? The girl you...”
“The girl I was in love with, yes,” she finished her mother's sentence.
Her parents never understood the whole thing with Alice, hell, she herself sometimes didn't understand it either. It wasn't planned, expected, dreamed of; it just happened. They fell in love and spent the happiest few months in their lives, not caring about anything, about the world that didn't understand and demanded explanations. They didn't have explanations and they didn't need them either. They just were, together, happy.
And then it ended just as abruptly. Just few seconds, screeching car brakes and Alice's head split against the concrete edge of the pavement.
She never thought she would deal with it. It was nearly impossible. She thought it was impossible, but then somehow, she learned to accept it when the tears seemed to dry finally. Accept it, but not understand or forget. Or deal with it.
Until now. The tattoo, it was just the last step. The last little bit she needed to get done before she would be able to continue with her life. The tattoo, beautiful and colourful and gentle and fragile and so Alice that it was making her want to cry sometimes. The flowers, same like those Alice wore behind her ear when they held their hands and walked down the street, laughing at something silly and pointless. The water, like the one in the fountain where they met for the first time and fell in love in perfectly cliche moment when the sun was setting down and Alice's hair looked more golden than usually. And the missing flowers, the outlines that made people think that the tattoo wasn't finished yet, those were for every minute they weren't allowed to spend together, because of school, their parents, and the stupid fate.
She finally looked up, gathering enough courage to look in her parent's eyes. It was so obvious that they didn't approve anyway, that they didn't understand; but there was no anger in their eyes anymore.
And that mattered. “I won't regret getting it done,” she whispered again, and this time, they believed.
It went exactly the way she thought it would, she feared it would. She knew they would not understand. Not because they would be so old fashioned, hell no, it's just... it's just that getting a tattoo done, this big tattoo even, it's something her parents weren't able to understand.
She shifted on the chair, another sign of the gut-wrenching feeling that was spreading from her stomach to the rest of her body, and finally found the lip gloss in her hoodie. Squeezing the tube, she spread a drop of the thick liquid on her lips again.
“Would you stop with that now?”
“'M sorry,” she muttered under her breath, slipping the tube back in the pocket. Her back was itching even though the tattoo, the one that started this whole argument, was long healed. She was actually surprised she managed to hide it for such a long time.
Her parents sighed lowly, glancing at each other as if they didn't believe her a single letter of the apology, but then again, she wasn't really sorry. Not for getting the tattoo, at least.
“You will regret getting that thing,” her mother spoke up, and she just swallowed a sigh. They had gone through this for so many times already, and no matter what she said, no matter how many times she repeated she would never regret that tattoo because she thought about it for a long time, her parents never seemed to understand.
She bit her lip again. A part of her knew that sooner or later she should tell them why she got the tattoo, and they would understand then. She hoped they would understand. If not, if they laughed and called her stupid for bringing the past back, that would be so much worse than this, than them thinking she was carelessly rebelling against everything just because she was barely nineteen. Still a kid in their eyes.
“I won't, mum, I have told you that I have thought about it a lot,” she said softly, her voice sounding tired. She was tired of this anyway.
“You won't, you won't,” her father repeated mockingly. It hurt even though she knew that in reality, they weren't trying to hurt her, they were just worried, unable to express it in any different way. But the knowledge didn't make it better. “Maybe not now, but in forty years? When you are old and wrinkly? How it will look then?”
Another swallowed sigh. “It's on my back, dad. I won't see it anyway,” she said, trying hard to not sound like she was snapping at them.
Her mother shook her head. “I just don't understand why did you get it done...” she said quietly, seemingly running out of all arguments. They always ended up here, and she would say she had her reasons and go to her room.
“It's for Alice,” she heard herself saying and then her eyes widened. She didn't intend to say that. It was supposed to stay her secret... her parents weren't supposed to know. No one was supposed to know, she didn't even tell her friends.
“Alice? The girl you...”
“The girl I was in love with, yes,” she finished her mother's sentence.
Her parents never understood the whole thing with Alice, hell, she herself sometimes didn't understand it either. It wasn't planned, expected, dreamed of; it just happened. They fell in love and spent the happiest few months in their lives, not caring about anything, about the world that didn't understand and demanded explanations. They didn't have explanations and they didn't need them either. They just were, together, happy.
And then it ended just as abruptly. Just few seconds, screeching car brakes and Alice's head split against the concrete edge of the pavement.
She never thought she would deal with it. It was nearly impossible. She thought it was impossible, but then somehow, she learned to accept it when the tears seemed to dry finally. Accept it, but not understand or forget. Or deal with it.
Until now. The tattoo, it was just the last step. The last little bit she needed to get done before she would be able to continue with her life. The tattoo, beautiful and colourful and gentle and fragile and so Alice that it was making her want to cry sometimes. The flowers, same like those Alice wore behind her ear when they held their hands and walked down the street, laughing at something silly and pointless. The water, like the one in the fountain where they met for the first time and fell in love in perfectly cliche moment when the sun was setting down and Alice's hair looked more golden than usually. And the missing flowers, the outlines that made people think that the tattoo wasn't finished yet, those were for every minute they weren't allowed to spend together, because of school, their parents, and the stupid fate.
She finally looked up, gathering enough courage to look in her parent's eyes. It was so obvious that they didn't approve anyway, that they didn't understand; but there was no anger in their eyes anymore.
And that mattered. “I won't regret getting it done,” she whispered again, and this time, they believed.