Let Me Speak

"Freak" and "Bitch" were wo words that I had constantly thrown at me at school. These words hit me straight in the heart, and even if I got angry I couldn't tell them to back off. I found myself incapable to speak in these situations. In every situation, really. I never spoke. Ever. Not since I was four, when I made myself stop out of self-pity. Wanting those people to go away, stop speaking to me, never come back. Back in reality, it was a Friday and I was just glad that the death trap they call 'school' was over for this week, and I could be alone, or maybe hang out with my one friend: Xander. Me being alone in my thoughts, I didn't notice that people kept hitting and shoving me from all sides until all of my stuff had fallen to the ground, and I was on one knee. I glanced up and quickly gathered up my binders and stuffed them back into my bag. I really didn't feel like get trampled today. I was in a bad enough mood, already.

"Mysri! Mysri!" a guy yelled from behind me. People turned to look at me. Glare, really. I recognized the voice as Xander's. At least this part of my day was looking up. It was the last period of the day, which we had together. He ran up beside me and started walking backwards, facing me, in front of me. He was blathering on about some party that we could go to tomorrow night when I widened my eyes and gave him a panicked look. He caught it and panicked as well.

"What? What's wrong? You don't want to go?" Just then, someone bumped him like I had predicted, and he fell over. I looked down at him, grinning.

"Give me a hand?" He asked reaching a hand up towards me. I looked like I was contmplating this and tapped my finger on my lips. Then I shook my head and started to walk away. He grabbed my ankle, making me fall too. By now, the halls were empty, so there was no one to laugh or to keep me from falling. I hit the ground, shaking with laughter. Naturaly, no sound was coming out.

"So do you want to go?" He asked as we got up. I glanced at him with a questioning look.

"To the PARTY?" Oh. I contemplated this in my head. Did I have anything to do today? No. Tonight? No. Tomorrow? No. Anything at all this weekend? No. So, yes. I would agree to go to this party. I nodded then wrote,

'Anyone I know going to be there?' Xander shook his head, no. So they were from the day school, then. That was better, at least. I heard that they had a deaf girl there. She was someone more like me, and I appreciated that. I also hoped that she would be there.

* * * * *

Xander and I ended up skipping the rest of school, opting to drive around for a little instead. We brought down the sunroof of my little blue convertible. This was really the only good thing in my life, besides Xander. After we knew the final bell had rung, I drove over to Xander's huge house. How I envied him. He always said that he wished he lived at my house because it was smaller, and 'quainter'. I swear I almost laughed for the first time in 13 years when he said that. Sure, my house was cute. It had that pretty ivy climbing up thewalls, and a wooden front porch. It looked a little Mexican to me, what with it being a creamy color and with those pretty red Spanish tiles for the roof. But Xander's house was gorgeous. The front was mostly glass, and the rest of the walls were a pretty blue-gray color. I had always thought that his house matched his eyes. When i had written that to him he had laughed. A lot. And I had blushed. A lot. So when he was about to get out of the passenger seat, he tapped his cheek, telling my to kiss it. Naturally, I blushed and did it anyways. He got out and shut the door nicely, always handling my car with care in hope that he would get to drive it one day. Well, if he kept doing this he might never. But who knew, really?

I watched Xander go up to the front door and unlock it. He was always alone in his house when he got home, his mom and dad both at work. I sat there thinking. Finally, I got out of my car and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Xander called down in a falsetto voice. When no one answered, he opened the door and looked at me, grinning.

"Ah. Mysri. So glad that you could make it! Come in, come in." Boy, was Xander a twisted person. I ran up the stairs to his room and launched myself onto the his huge bed. He ran in after me and jumped onto his bed , as well, almost squishing me in the process. He started tickling me, and I squirmed around on his bed, not able to tell him to stop, unable to laugh or giggle. I finally flipped onto my back and saw that Xander was over me. I looked into his eyes as he looked into mine. His face got closer and my eyes half-closed. His lips touched mine and I was thinking:

'What am I doing?' Xander had been my best friend forever, and I had not once wanted anything more. I hadn't even thought about this possibility. But as he kept kissing me i found myself realxing and him relaxing on top of me. Our kissing got steamier and my mouth opened to his.

"You don't know...how...long...I have wanted this." He breathed. I didn't know if I secretly had, but I was enjoying this. I, personally, wouldn't have stopped, except that at that moment, his mom chose to come home, and yell up,

"I'm home! Mysri! I saw your car up front! Hey, hon!" I sighed. Just my luck, for his mom to ruin some of my only joy that I had had in a long time.