Let Me Speak

The car was cold. Xander was quiet, also apparently forgetting to turn on the heater, because my breath was making a tiny cloud by my mouth.I rubbed my arms up and down my arms, trying to get them warm.

Xander glanced over at my movement. "Are you cold?" He turned on the heater. I breathed out a sigh of relief, only for it to get caught in my throat with a sob. I suddenly broke down, and started crying right there in the car. I had been hoping I would've been able to keep it in until I got home and safely up in my room. I guess not, now. Xander pulled over onto the grass alongside the road and opened his door to come around to my side.

I kept getting flashes of this night;they were running through my brain uncontrollably saying, yes, that was real. I put my head into my lap. Xander came to the door and opened it. He just rubbed my back soothingly for the next couple of minutes, knowing I was not in the mood to write what had happened. I took deep breaths, and thought through this.

"Would it be a good idea to tell him?" i thought to myself. Hmm. I decided, finally, that i would indeed tell him. Then what would I do? What if I got pregnant? And if I did, how would I tell my parents that I was? It would kill them, but what would hurt them even more was telling them that i actually got raped. I mean seriously? He just had to take it out on the mute girl that he knew wouldn't scream or make any vocal sound! I mean, good planning on his part, he must have thought long and hard on this matter; making sure he wouldn't get drunk, that the room would have not much furniture, that no one would interrupt or find out, that the girl he chose wouldn't make a sound to alert other people.

I took a deep breath, bracing myself. Bracing myself for telling Xander, Bracing myself for his reaction, bracing myself for the events that would happen next in my insane life.

Sigh.